What can i do about my 2 year old's outrageous behavior?

Question

My 2 year old's behavior is out of control, & i dont know what to do anymore. I have literally read every parenting book, & have even taken aprenting classes with my husband, but nothing that we try is helping. Punishments, time outs, spankings dont help either. &ignoring him just makes his behavior worse!

Yesterday was by far the worst day. On our way out to go grocery shopping, our 2 year old kicked the back of my legs while we were going down the front steps of our house. I fell, & hurt my knee badly. Our son thought it was hillarious, even when i was crying.

At the grocery store, he refused to walk, and threw himself on the floor. When we tried to get him up, he kicked my husband & ran down the isle, knocking things off the shelf.

On the way home, he unbuckled his car seat and tried to get out of his carseat. We pulled over to fix it & he stiffens his body up , making it hard to buckle him.

If you have nothing nice to say or aren't a parent, dont waste my time please

Also, every night for about the past 2 months, when we put him to bed at night, he will scream at teh top of his lungs until he falls asleep. This screaming usually lasts about 1-2 hours! We have been ignoring it, and the screaming lasts even longer and lound. The neighbors can hear it and have complained. Our freinds have stopped coming over.

We have talked to his doctor about his behavior, and there is nothing medically wrong. We cant 'talk' to our son about why he does the things he does because he cant hold a conversation yet, he just barely turned 2 years old. We explain to him what he does is not nice, and express our dislikes, yet he literally gets worse each week.

Amosunknown: A child developes at a different rate in their speech development. Just because your child talked at a cetrtain age, doesnt mean so will everyother child. I am surprised you are a top contriubtor, because you obviously dont know what your talking about.

Answer 1

congrats.........he sounds really normal. typical behavior for a child of this age. he will start developing empathy very soon and will realize that when you are crying it makes him feel badly. i know kids of this age can seem hatefull but he truly doesn't know how to explain his exact emotions....give the little guy time. he's just testing your limits. the only thing that ever worked with me was setting firm boundaries.
e.g. if you hurt someone or make them feel sad, you will have to sit alone for a minute or two. i know that doesn't sound severe enough sometimes but two minutes alone for a toddler is an eternity. if he won't sit......use a a playpen. if climbs out.....use his high chair. be firm and strong. and when he's good: make it the biggest possible deal you can make it. reward him for behaving while you shop etc.

tell him to "use his words" e.g. "i'm angry" or "i'm frustrated". he's screaming because he hasn't figured out how to explain things he feels strongly about. if he's screaming because he didn't get his way you could say........"wow, you seem really angry right now" or "i can see you are frustrated" and end it there...ignore further attention gettng behaviours. eventually he will start mirroring this and probably yell "angry" at you. that will be a good start...because then he will feel that he has communicated his need. when my kids got frustereated because i was doing chores like shopping, laundry or the like i always told them i was working. toddlers understand that concept but they need to know that the doctor, the mail man and mummy all work, they just do different jobs. mummy's job is at home....the mail man delivers mail.

you sound like you are doing a great job.........some people wouldn't even care and would just get angry back at their kids.
good luck.........trust me it doesn't last long. in a year you will have forgotten all about this.

Answer 2

This may or may not help.. But.. My 3 year old is extremely hyper & Id like to think of that as kinda, 'special needs' because if Im not tuned into him 100% he will get pretty crazy. Spanking doesn't help either, it actually pisses him off. SO what I do is, every week I make a "star chart." I put like 4 o 5 things on there like, "brushed my teeth", "didn't have an accident", "big helper", ..simple things like that. All day I remind him about his stars & to be good. When he does something good I let him pick the star out and place it on the paper & I go on & on about how great he is. When he's bad I just firmly tell him no & I dint allow him to cry and carry on. It took a few days, but the more I really play up the good things he can do & I drop the bad things, he 'thinks' hes a good kid, therefor he tries harder to be better, because it makes both of you happier. Maybe something like that could work? Also I read on a parenting website to be very specific when you tell your kid they are being good, or bad for that matter. Not just a simple, I am proud of you! But be like, "I am so proud of you for sitting quietly at the doctors office. That makes mommy happy when you sit quietly like a big boy." I hope some of this helps even in the smallest way. And just remember, they all go through stages. In 6 months you'll be surprised how different he will be.

Answer 3

I feel for you,I have two boys 3yr soon to be 4yr and 1yr soon to be 2yr and i have had my share of horrible temper tantrums. I know you said you've tried time outs but when you do do you tell him why hes getting a time out and say hes flung a toy across the room do you have him pick it up after hes had the timeout? I personally don't believe in spanking because i think when you do that it tends to teach them to hit. I don't know if you've tryed take things away if he continues to not behave like toys,movies,TV time what ever it is that he likes. I know it can be frustrating and some times over whelming,and it may take you doing it 20 times in a row consistently before it starts to work but eventually it does help and theres always going to be those melt down moments that's just normal. I understand how it is i had those moments at the store when they start crying or yelling kicking there leg or stiffening them so you cant put them in the cart or hitting you and every ones staring at you,but if they have kids then they should understand.Good luck with finding something that work and hopefully it'll get better and pass.

Answer 4

Wow, sounds like you have your hands full.

First things first, CONSISTENCY is the first thing you must absolutely do. If you and your husband are not consistent in what is and isn't acceptable behavior, as well as consistent with punishment you'll get nowhere fast.

Second, POSITIVE RE-ENFORCEMENT, this is a big one. If you re-enforce positive behavior every time you see it (you can wean this down later) your child will be more apt to behave for positive attention than act out for any attention. This doesn't mean that you don't pay attention to your child, but that you need to concentrate effort and exaggerate positives right now to combat negative behavior.

example: Your child behaves simply by saying thank you for something, helping put toys away. Tell him, "What a good boy, thank you for being good and helping." Believe it or not this goes a long way.

Don't give in, when he's kicking, screaming, etc. Don't give in. You're adults, he's a two year old. You should be able to pick him up, kicking and screaming and not have him running down the aisle in store. Strap him in the shopping cart, he shouldn't be running loose. If he begins a full fledged tantrum, remove him from the situation, take him out to the car, wait for the behavior to stop and return to the store. If he starts again, do it again. He needs to learn that the tantrum does not get him completely out of what he doesn't want to be doing.

Try a reward system, even at two, a "gold star" chart can go a long way, it's a visible method he can see. With a small reward at the end of the day for now, weekly later.

You do mention that at two he isn't really "talking" I wouldn't expect a full, indepth conversation, but if he can't even express his basic wants/needs verbally, you might need to check for a speech delay. When a child can't communicate their needs/wants, it's very frustrating and can end up with "acting out" due to the frustration levels.

If he's really having a difficult time with speech, perhaps work on teaching/learning some simple child sign language. It's a wonderful tool for all small children.

If there is a significant speech delay you may want to have an evaulation at some point for PDD/NOS. (Pervasive Developmental Disorder/Not Otherwise Specified).

Answer 5

Ah the terrible 2's.Every child shows their true (and usually worst) colours at this point.At 2 years old a child is developing fast,they like to explore and they also like constant attention.The trouble as you are discovering is they don't care whether it's good attention or bad.
First thing you must remember and keep constant at all times.You are the parent,you are in charge,not your 2-year-old son and his temper tantrums.And that's all they are,temper tantrums because he is not getting his way.When he is bad you're going to punish him and because you punish him,he will retaliate,but it is *vital* that you continue through and remain consistant with your method of punishment.The best method is isolation,pick an out-of-the-way spot in your home where you can place him,in my case the study became the chosen room because there were no toys or distractions,pick a set amount of time for him to stay there. No you can't reason with a 2-year-old but that doesn't mean he can't understand what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour. If he does something wrong then tell him that you don't like that kind of behaviour and if he continues he will be punished (sent to this chosen place). If he continues then send him straight there,yes he will kick,he will scream,he will cry and shout and no doubt try and run off. Say nothing,just take him back to the spot and then leave,keep doing this until he's stayed in this spot for the chosen amount of time.You must be patience,this can take hours sometimes.Once he's stayed for the full amount of time then remind him why he was sent there in the first place,then he can go.
When it's out in the street and he starts acting up.Continue as usual but as soon as you get home end him for his punishment. If he hits you or starts screaming in the shops and it's possible for you to do,then simply say,"I think you've forgotten yourself" and take him home.
As for the bedtime thing.If he gets out,simply put him back without saying anything and leave the room.Keep doing this until he falls asleep.
2-3 are the worst years,a child's favorite word becomes "no" and they live simply to test their parents limits and see how far they can push them.
It's all about attention,if a child realises they are not getting the attention they want they will soon stop.
I know it's tiring,but if you can insert this behaviour pattern now,it will prevent you a lot of grief in later years,when your son becomes bigger,stronger and harder to physically control.

Answer 6

Do you pay attention most of the time when he's behaving that way? Have you tried taking away the things that he likes when he behaves that way?

I'm working in a day care center, and there's this boy, he's 2, and he's behavior was quite alike as what you mentioned above. When he did something wrong, I would take away his favorite toy and tell him that if he doesn't behave I would throw away his stuff. He doesn't seem to care at first and look for something else to play with, and I take them away too. Then I would just leave him alone and come back a few minutes and ask him if he wants his toy back, and made him promise to behave properly, and he did. It's also good if like when you caught him doing something good, you immediately go to him and praise and hug him. He might like it and continue doing the good things.

I think kids just like to see other people's reaction towards their behavior. I guess he still doesn't know what's right and what's wrong. You just need to be firm with him, and no matter how they behave, whether in a good or a bad way, you need to react to it immediately so that he will not be confused on what he should do and what he shouldn't do.

Answer 7

hello Mother of 3 BOYS here

Sounds like ADHD- Medically they can't diagnos
but it was the same for My son 11 Now

He wasn't HUMAN from the time he was 1.5 til he was 4
i felt like crying everyday

Then a miracle happened at 4, he began to understand

Here is what you gotta Do,

When going to the grocery store,
ONE of you stays home,
with the little terror,
make him see you leave, and say good by,
he will get mad and throw a tantrum
But luckily tantrums mean bedtime

when you come back, the other gets to take a break

I use a combo spanking, punishment
like at the store I would have strapped him in to a stroller
this way if he threw a fit, he was at least in lock down,
if there were 2 of you then i would have let my husband take him out to the car , and give him a good one on the bottomjust hard enough for him to feel it and disract him,
and then strapped him in the seat

if he was screaming , i would have just let him have at it and closed the car doorwhile i stood outside the car.

this way i could relax, and if anyone asked me about why or what was going on, I would simply say the truth,
TERRIBLE 2's , everyone ususally says give him a smack

But 2 times in my life people have tried to get INVOLVED
this is the worst thing someone can do when your angry already,

Basically you need to realize that you feel out of control and this is frustrating

But is good because you know that YOUR the one with the problem, NOT your kid

he is 2 there is no NORMAL

my 3 are completely diffrent,
thankfully my last 2 are good, well one is quiet the other is playful and devilish, but not a terror like my first

I have a theory, that the reason they act out like this is because they are frustrated TOO,
they feel like you can't understand them , and you can't
imagine not being able to verbalize what your feeling or wanting, and the only way to get the attention is to scream and carry on,
and then the person doesn't even have the courtesy to listen to what you are saying,

thats what its like for him

I would say at night lay him in your bed with you til he falls asleep, even if he is screaming, lay next to him

make sure all the lights are off and there is no noise from the TV or anything,

After he falls asleep carry him into his room,

--

The laughing at your falling, I mean kids have no compassion, because its a learned thing, and when they watch tv programs that show people getting hurt and then bouncing back up from it like it was nothing,
its not real for them,

Try limiting his TV shows to Sprout TV, PBS, or CPTV

Also I have a feeling you are a working mother,
if so, you might want to try a diffrent baby sitter,

Not that this one is BAD but its obvious she isn't teaching him what he needs to learn,

-- If you are a stay at home mom, then I appologize,
But in my opinion he is being exposed to some negative influence, either from tv, or something else


Hope this HELPs, and doesn't tick you off,
I am not perfect, and not the best mother in the owrld, but I think my kids are Good kids,

and I know what its like to feel like, your at your wits end,

parenting is Hard work, but it does get better,

Meg
Mother of 3

Answer 8

I know exactly what you're going through! The terrible two's are nothing; Three's blow the two's away. Have him evaluated by a neurologist, and see what else the neuro recommends.

Your son will not change overnight, but you will. As long as the behavior isn't hurting anyone, ignore it. Praise the positive. Keep a small pack of stickers in a pocket, and give him one every single time he's good. "I like how you're sitting, I like how you're eating, thank you for being nice to mommy." All day keep praising him, and give him a sticker when he's behaving.

As far as him being aggressive; From today on, never ever let yourself get hit, bit, kicked, or anything else. ALWAYS expect it. When you go food shopping, he doesn't get to walk, period. You strap him in the moment you get a cart, and even if you're running in for milk, he goes in the cart. If the seat belt issue becomes a problem, you'll have to get him a harness. You can also call your local state police, troopers, or police station, they should be able to give you a name or number of a person or group who is great with safety issues. Here is the link of the only harness I can find. I'll have one soon too.

http://www.ezonpro.com/index.shtml

You have to work with one behavior at a time. Pick one, and stay consistent. For example, screaming; Ignore it, but it will get worse before it gets better. So if you notice your target behavior getting worse, it WILL cut out soon, stay consistent. For behaviors that can't be ignored, use a gated time out. Make a corner that he can't get out of, and that's safe for his fit. Again, one behavior at a time. Biting, or kicking; When he does it, camly and firmly place him in time out for 2 minutes and tell him camly "We don't bite." Then ignore him for the 2 minutes. If he comes out and (tries to) bite again, put him in time out again, and keep doing it until he comes out of time out and doesn't bite you (or kick).

Hitting is a little difficult. His language skills are probably lacking and frustrating. I personally work with hitting. When my son swings at me (like I said, never let yourself get hurt), I grab his hands until he calms down, and at least points to what he wants. When he hits other kids, he has to apologize, and figure out how to tell me what the other kid did. I role play with him to work on hitting. It's a lack of language, not really being mean. Yes it seems very aggressive, but the child is very frustrated at this point.

Answer 9

This is why it's called the 'terrible twos'. While annoying, nothing you've described is abnormal.

You just have to be calm, consistent and firm in your boundaries and discipline. He's testing how far he can get...it's your job to show him proper behaviour.

For example - the grocery store. You can't expect a two year old to walk nicely down the aisle - some will, but that's very few and far between. Either strap him into the cart, or shop with his stroller, and strap him in there.

Answer 10

The only thing you can do is to just be consistant. Make sure you and your husband are "on the same page" and handling punishments and rewards the same way. Don't ever give in to a screaming two-year-old, because it sends the message that screaming gets me what I want.

A very common mistake of parents is to threaten some type of punishment and not follow through. If you tell your two-year-old that if he doesn't behave, we're leaving...you have to leave if he doesn't behave. You can't make empty threats.

Look, with a two-year-old [or any young child] you've got 2 seconds to make a decision without any hesitation. If a child sees hesitation, they do throw their fits, so, you got to make up your mind and, no matter what, STICK to your decision.

Having a daily and nightly routine always help. Sometimes taking them out of their environment confuses them and makes them act out. Just give him lots of hugs and kisses and let him know that he's loved.