How can i help my son get rid of his girl friend?

Question

My son is 19 and has been with this girl for 5 years! during that time she has caused nothing but trouble. She has been involved with other guys, my son got beaten up, my husbands and my car got paint removal thrown all over them etc etc . Myson lost his job as she used to turn up there and start arguements. However a year ago they got a flat together. and i thought maybe she would settle down but no; twice she has left him for other men. she has done it for a third time and my son was devastated and started drinking. he has no friend but luckily ,my husband managed to get him a job while she was away (she does not like him working!!). He has been ok and is making friends as he also gave them up when he met her. However she has just come back to stay at the flat (Joint) he says he feels sorry for her. Two different men have been looking for her and i have advised my son about stds etc. i am worried he will give up his job again now she is back.
How can i help him see sense?

I am trying to build his confidence and he is enjoying working again after two years on the dole! he has also been invited to work xmas night out -he has not been out with friends since he was 16!!! I just so hope he doesnt give up job as that is his lifeline when she does it again. she is refusing to work but none of her family ever have so she has no role model to aspire to but i feel she is dragging my son down and he lets her - agh!!

Answer 1

sadly your son loves this women... when he wakes up and realises it has to stop he will leave her and never take her back

i went through a very similar situation and i became a stronger person and so will your son

Answer 2

Sweetheart, You can't. I have been in the same position with both my son and my daughter. (Not exactly the same but very similar) The only thing that you can hope for is that they will eventually get browned of, and they will believe me. The more you try to put pressure on the more they will dig there heels in. Just be patient for a while longer and I am sure that things will turn out OK. Cheer up, The longest day has only got 24hours in it.

Answer 3

It will be hard for you to get him to leave as he's been through a lot with her and still sticking around.
All you can do it keep advising him what is the right thing to do for him. It sounds like he's low on selfconfidence and therefore feels the need to hang on to any slight amount of love he can get. Obviously the reason he's not confident is due to the mess he has gone through.

You could be hard on the girl and tell her to leave him alone, however, this could backfire as he seems to be stuck in her web.

He needs to realise that life is for living HIS way, he needs to be happy and he needs to look for happiness with someone who loves and cares about him as much as he does in return.

It will be difficult but all you can realistically do is talk to him and perhaps get him to talk to other guys/gals that have been in a simmilar situation. Get your husband to take him out on a lads night out. He can chat up gals and meet new people. This will do him the world of good. If he gets lots of attention he may find that there are, as the cliché goes, plenty more fish in the sea.

The best of luck to you all

Answer 4

unfortunately you have to let your son make his own way. I know it must hurt you terribly to see him this way and she sounds truly awful!! the sad fact is that the more you try and push him into doing something the less he'll want to do it. you just have to encourage him to do what you know is right, like keeping hold of his job and going to the night out and keeping his pals etc. the only other thing you can do is be there with your support if it all comes crashing down again.
good luck x

Answer 5

Your son needs to get away from her as soon as possible. Unfortunately, love does strange things to people. I stayed 5 years with a female who had done similar things to me...why? I wish I knew. Eventually I woke up and realized how poorly I was treated and decided that that was not what I wanted or deserved.

Let him know that he deserves the best out of life and that she is definitely NOT the best thing for him. Make a list of all of the rotten things she's done to him and a list of all the good things she's done...if he can see how much longer the rotten list is compared to the good list, maybe it will open his eyes and make him rethink his whole situation. It worked for me.

Answer 6

This question really upset me I cant imagine the upset you feel for your son......but unfortunately you cant force your child to see sense just support him as you are doing and encourage him to carry on with his job.
Could you maybe find a work colleague to have a word with him and take him under their wing it must also be very hard for your son if he is not so confident and he maybe feels he needs her.
Girls like this prey on men like your son to take advantage of.
Get him out and about over Xmas and who knows he might someone who will truly love him and look afetr his feelings.
Good Luck

Answer 7

wish i could answer this for you but im going through the same thing right now,mines abit different,my sons 23 and his girlfriend is nearly 17,she has been a right pain in the bum before they got together,she used to ring my house and put the phone down and with hold the number,she used to watch my sons every move,she lives just round the corner,well all i can say is i could have died when they got together,i was nice to her coz of my son but its been nearly a year and their still together,ive told him she isnt good enough for him shes a weirdo,i ignor her now and im hoping my son is getting the message as she hasnt been round for over a week and hes been going out with his mates which she hated him doing,you cant split them up just tell him how you feel and see how it goes from there,ive got my fingers crossed for you

Answer 8

Oh dear.
At the end of the day, your son will only do what he wants to do. We all know that once in the tunnel of love, we can't see anywhere but ahead.
All you can do is be there for him. Just tell him how concerned you are, Im sure he knows though.
His girlfriend sounds like a complete idiot. Doesn't like him working, would rather sponge off of the state so that people like me can pay them to sit on their arses. I'm sorry that outburst, it annoys me.
Sit him down and make him realise that he is worth more. Tell her to f**k off out of his life!

Answer 9

Invite the most oversexed female friend you have to your house when your son is at home and then make an excuse that you have to go out for an hour. You'll have to accept that they will get up to mischief but he may prefer your friend to his current girlfriend. Your female friend will move onto someone else after a month or so because that's her lifestyle.

Answer 10

I don't think you can really stop him from seeing her. At the end of the day it has to be his decision to leave her. Just be there for him when he needs you (which it sounds like you are doing anyway) and be his support. Keep him focussed with encouragement and not "nagging". Good luck, and I hope he does see sense - I'm sure he will eventually.

Answer 11

You can't babe. Only he can see it and only he will be ready when the worm turns in his head.

Let him get on with it - no pressure and be ready to pick up the pieces when it happens.

You were right with the advice about the STD's though. She sounds a right little tramp. Has he got such little self esteem that he cannot tell her to fek right off?

Try building his confidence in a surreptitious way...