As a military spouse, do I have the right to know where my husband is going?

Question

My husband and I are having marital issues and for about two months he hasn't say a word to me, but don't have a legal separation yet and I am expecting a baby, due in March. I know that he re-enlisted and that recently he received orders to possibly go to Iraq very soon. Do I have the right of calling or seeing his command to find out when he is going and for how long???

Lol.. Yes it is his child; and no I don't hate him. I'm actually trying to give him sometime since we started having problems right after I got pregnant. Btw, he know it is his child too! The main reason I'd like to know is to know what to do if I need to contact him and if he's going to be around for the birth, or if I shouldn't even bother. Honestly, there absolutely no hidden intentions here, and I do love my husband very much and I would not wish for anything bad to happen to him.

Answer 1

Yes, even though they can't give you specific information as his address or what is he going to be doing, they have to tell you if he's in an overseas deployment and the period of time that he will be gone for.

Answer 2

If you're noticing it I'm sure others are too. Odds are this husband will find out when he returns with or without your help. Your moral obligation was to remove yourself from the situation since you don't agree with it. You did that. I assume you have told her your feelings about it and she has chosen to continue her behavior. You didn't mention anything about neglect or abuse so her children are really not a part of this adult situation. As difficult a decision as this is ( and many are in it at one time or another) you should mind your own business. If he asks you flat out I wouldn't lie for her but I would not bring it up. Chances are that you will end up being the "bad guy". You don't know the rest of the story nor do you know what he is doing. And whatever you decide do not tell him while he's in Iraq. The last thing he needs is to be distracted at a time when he needs his head in the game.

Answer 3

No you do not have the right. Nevertheless, more importantly why do you want to know? Look, martial issues and the fact that your about to give birth in March are very complicated issues for both of you. You don't say how young you are?

If he's going to be deployed, you do have the right to ensure your family is being cared for while he is deployed. If the problems are over money, ex's ect... for his security and protection please seek a marriage counselor. He does not need these added pressures to block his focus on his mission. It can kill him.

Now if he's been abusing you emotionally and physically then you need to go to his platoon leader and let them know. Because he would be a ticking time bomb for himself and the other men.

If your trying to change him, your bored, and just plain want him to be miserable because you are then you need to seek the counseling and work on you while he's deployed. Marriage is alot of work, it's not to be easy. Military families have added stress than most. Changing and managing your finances so that you have a savings, emergency fund and not spending every penny on yourself or junk will go along way. It's just hard to know where you are at.

Join a women's club that offers support. Learn to write in journals and then destroy them. It releases the anger, hurt, and stress while hurting no one. Start learning to breath and focus lifting the negative hue you have over yourself. It is very important for the baby who did not ask for their parents to be emotionally unavailable.

It doesn't matter who's fault it is, what matters is how the two of you handle disagreements. Both of you are changing this baby to be personality and traits. Children look to see how parents handle difficulities. Both of you got to grow up and provide security to your child. It's not the things kids have. It's the love, care, food and home enviorment. Reading even now to your baby is important. It can relax both of you. Don't use this baby as a weapon to him.

If your marriage is over do it in a civil manner that protects your baby. But be sure, don't make decisions with your hormones out of wack due to pregnancy. Unless your in harms way then run and get out of there. Find a womens shelter. Here's hoping your marriage is salvageable.

Answer 4

No, you don't have a right as far as the military is concerned. Your husband's orders, while they may not be classified, are issued from his chain of command directly to him. Then again, they may be classified. Either way, it's not likley that military personnel will discuss individual orders with you.

I'm sorry you are having trouble communicating with your husband. Calling his command is not the answer, though. First thing, I think you guys need to communicate; start with counselling. He has this service available to him through something called an Employee Assistance Program (or something like that). Next, you should seek out military spouse groups in your area. There must be some kind of support groups made up of other spouses who can offer you help. If you are not aware of the services available to you from your husband's service, you can learn about them from one of these groups.
If your husband doesn't do a good job of letting you know these things, start asking questions! Ask if there is a group of wives/husbands who get together when their spouses are overseas. Ask about counselling services, etc. If you live on a base, ask your neighbors. If not, call someone in personnel services, or administration, etc. at the base. Go online and search for yoru husband's base; look through the base's website for family services. Chances are if your husband doesn't talk to you much about his work, there are a lot of things entitled to you as a military dependant that you don't know about; things that could be beneficial to you and your new baby.

The military will help you as much as they can. You have to seek out the services available though.

Good luck. Thank you for your service to our country. And thanks to your husband too.

Answer 5

no, and if you rang they would not tell you for security reasons, you know i would concentrate on your pregnancy, making sure this child comes into the world healthy, and i hate to say this, but he could not return, they are having a terrible time out there, so all our prayers should be given for them and your en-stranged partner, i hope things change for you, and you have a a good birth, i wish you a very happy christmas, may 2008, open much brighter and happier for you both.

Answer 6

You could ask your husband were he is going and if he doesn't tell you and you really want to know most military have a support group ask them

Answer 7

If you are filing for a legal seperation, then why do you care if where and when he is going and for how long??

Just continue with the legal proceedings, and if he and his command want you to know, then they will.

It is just suprising to me that you are carrying his child, filing for a legal seperation, and all of a sudden you care about him and where he is going, and for how long?

Sounds a little fishy to me, you want to know how long he will be gone so you can do.....what????

Move to another place so he will never find you agian, and raise your child by yourself and or with another man??

Is the child even his?? Is that why you are getting a legal seperation?? The reason I am asking is that you said you are expecting "a baby", not expecting "our baby".

People who are expecting a child say "our baby" not "a baby".

Answer 8

There are two scenarios here. One is if the military told him not to tell, then they are not going to tell you where he is going. Most likely the second, he is just not telling you because he is being an ***. You can call his chain of command and they can order him to tell you. From my past experience, there have been soldiers ordered to call home to their mothers because it had been so long since they had talked to them. For some reason, some will get on this power trip with their wives. Call the 1SGT. As long as you are married to him, you have rights to.

Answer 9

No! Imagine it's WWll and your hubby is getting ready to invade Normandy. Well, maybe you have grown to hate him and want him dead. Maybe you do everything in your power to alert the enemy of the attack. It could happen-ever hear 'loose lips sink ships"? As far as knowing when he's coming home-thats not exactly determined-especially in this war.

Answer 10

are u not getting any financial support? you could contact his commanding officer. since he is husband not boyfriend. just be tactful.