Why blame the other woman?

Question

A question I just answered prompted me to ask this. Why don't people blame their spouse when they cheat? Why do they blame the other man/woman? Is it just so they can hold on to their spouse? I'm not saying you shouldn't hate the other person. Of course, you're going to. But isn't it your spouse who wronged you? What if the other person didn't even know about you? The question said something about a woman trying to take your man away by purposely getting pregnant to him. Isn't that just as much his fault? Why do you think people do this?

(I will admit, this makes me angry. I think it's weak and that people do it because they are afraid of losing their spouse; they can't face they've already lost them, at least in the moment.)

lol. Yeah, I always answer my own questions or stick my opinion in there somehow. But the reason I ask most of them is to get people's opinions, rather than a genuine solution, if you see what I mean. That's why a lot of questions I ask don't really have anything to do with me myself. I'm just asking to ask.

I don't agree that men can be "duped" into the pregnancy thing. No matter what anyone says, the man should wear a condom if he doesn't want to have a child. That'd be like me getting mad if a guy told me he was sterile and then I got pregnant. Shouldn't I have been more careful? No one would ever accept that excuse from a woman and I wouldn't accept it from myself. I'm not helpless and neither are any of these men. That's what makes me so sick about it. Oh, of course! Why SHOULD men have to wear a condom? Oh, the thought would never enter their poor addled brains. It was all that big bad scheming woman's fault! Bullsh!t. Contraception is EVERYONE'S responsibility. End of story, dude.

Answer 1

I agree with you. I've never understood why women always seem to put most of their anger towards the "other woman" instead of on their spouse. Afterall, it's not the other woman who stood before all those people and promised to love you and be faithful to you. It's not the other woman that you've invested your life, love, and energy into. Of course it's natural to be angry at her but let me tell you, half the time, the other woman didn't even know the guy was married. Many married men who cheat are expert liars and manipulators and end up hurting not only their wives but the other woman as well if it becomes emotional. I know there are also some women who sleep with married men KNOWING they are married and just don't care - those women are little sh*ts with no respect for themselves or for other women. But I still say, most of the anger should be aimed squarely at the spouse!!!

Answer 2

Any person who cheats on their spouse has to step up and take the blame and the responsibility on the chin. That should be clear. They are the one who decided to take that step and betray their spouse.

But there is another person involved, and to leave that 'other woman' or 'other man' out of the equation altogether would be wrong. It does take two. And without knowing all the facts about how an affair came to be, it is probably easier to imagine that the other person did all the chasing, and that the spouse was the innocent victim.

In most cases, affairs happen because something is missing from the marriage. People don't get tempted to stray away from something that is meeting their every need. Something has to be lacking for that temptation to be acted upon. So whether that thing lacking is excitement, sex, emotional support, intimacy, etc, it has to be lacking in the marriage for things to lead to an affair.

In that sense, a person who has been cheated on should not only be looking at the spouse and the 'other woman/man', but also at themself. They should be finding out what was missing from the marriage that prompted their spouse to look elsewhere. It's too easy to play the innocent victim. It's a lot braver to step up and say I will put more into this marriage than I did before.

Answer 3

Everyone is guilty in that scenario. One could even argue that the faithful spouse was at fault as well for not meeting the unfaithful one's needs. Usually (this is what I've heard/read, not my personal opinion) women cheat because their emotional needs are not being met by the husband. Vice versa. Men are not always about sex. Most men I have heard cheating was because the other woman flattered them in some way, making them feel more "manly" or desirable. And the adulterous couple are at fault because instead of trying to work things out, and stick by the vows, they give in for momentary pleasure that will affect others apart from themselves.

Answer 4

Didn't see your other question, but I felt my husband was 100% responsible when he cheated; think most women feel this. But on the other hand, if the other woman knows he is married, then she is just as responsible for the cheating; he could't really cheat all by himself; it takes two. Believe we are upset that there are so many out there who, willingly, enter into an affair with a married man. Doesn't show much character on their part; we already know the husbands character has gone to zero. In my case, the other woman out and out asked him if he wanted a baby with her; after he broke it off (she knew I couldn't have children) so - why do we blame the other woman? Hey, she tried everything in her power to get him back - it was a real mess. Yeah, I lost him in the moment; but that was a moment out of our life of thousands of moments. Truth is, each person is responsible for their individual choices and actions; it is not really up to me to judge anyone; it is only up to me to be responsible for my own actions; not others.

Answer 5

Honestly speakin, it is a very strange but beautiful thing that develops between a married couple.
They begin to believe(not sure how, since I am yet to find out after my marriage) that their spouse is correct and the outsider is wrong.
It is a very astonishing fact. Lemme give yu this small instance- Many years ago, my parenz were having an heated argument. The argument continued on our way to the market place too, in the car. Yu can imagine the lenght & depth of the quarrel. Suddenly, a man entered into our lane and we had to break hard. But the car kissed the man down on the road. Dad got out a little shaken as a crowd gathered. Astonishingly my mother, who was just a moment ago planing to leave my Dad and me defended my father strongly!! She stood by him and explained to the crowd wat happened.

This is a strange thing that develops between a couple and they stand by each other. Mayb they feel united after living together. I guess that is also called true LOVE.

Answer 6

I would tend to blame my partner completely, unless the "other women" is a friend / relative of mine. I guess that those women who do blame the "other woman" for their man's adultery must still want their man or something and so can't afford to hold him responsible for his actions.

Apparrently men (and women) stray becuase they are "unhappy". If they don't have the skills to address this unhappiness then I guess they stray.

I hold no truck with those who say it is the women's fault their man (or man's fault their woman) left becuase they were not satisfying them (emotionally, sexually whatever...). If you value the marriage / relationship then you have to raise the issues and sort them. If you no longer love your partner then you have to leave. Love really is a gift. If you ain't got it to give any more then what's the point. The partner is better off with someone else too, someone who has love to give.

Answer 7

well i feel like this. If your man cuts out on you he was never yours any way. Your natural instant is going to be, getting mad at the other person at the time but in reality you can't get mad because she did not know about you from the start . But in some cases some people believe in the words for better and for worst and they stick by that. But you have some people just want to keep them around. If a woman thinks being pregnant by someone Else's boyfriend is going to keep them that is not true. and some people think like this to it is cheaper to keep them.

Answer 8

People tend to not want to remove their significant other from the pedistal. I was very much in love once and was going to be married to this man when I started receiving emails, phone calls, etc from other women. It was by accident they found out about me. But I was truley amazed at how these women (mostly from the net, another country, never met this man) attacked me.

I don't blame them except for being so ignorant to be used by him. He is to blame. He was very insecure and very immature (I found out later). I had a relationship with him for two years before I allowed it to go to another level. Communication, trust and honesty was/is/will always be the most important parts of a relationship. He played a good part but behind my back (unbeknowest to me for three years), he was playing other women in case I left him, he didn't want to be alone. His insecurity ended a relationship of friendship, love and trust.

He was afraid of losing someone he had and didn't even know it. I feel sorry for the 'other' ones that were as ignorant as I was. The drama was a killer of emotions, trust and left scars that will be a long time healing. However, I feel sorry for him.

It is very weak and it is a heartache that can be avoided. Once found out, discuss and if no change, walk away! It's not worth the risk of a bitterness that will only damage your heart and soul. I was careful and very slow in the relationship but it still turned out to be a nightmare. He still contacts me and I am friendly to him but I will never be used by him again. I do blame the other once when known if they continue to harrass. They are ignorant and it shows. I never in my life ever dealt with any type of drama as I did with him on an online chat program. I don't trust or believe him or her or her or her. He's not worth my time.

Answer 9

I think its because the other person involved is a stranger so its easy to put blame on someone you dont know. Also i think being in denial about it can also play a part in it. Its hard for many people to believe their spouse who they think love them so much would cheat on them so naturally blame the other person. I think women more so put the blame on another woman because women are so defensive about their man.

Answer 10

It takes two to tango. I never blame just one person. Both people had a choice, it's just as easy to choose NOT to cheat. If that was me, I would blame both people and say good riddance to my partner.

Btw, the spouse has made a vow to be faithful to their partner and he/she should be held accountable even more. So sad for the people who don't blame their spouses.