My wife's having a nervous breakdown all the time!!?

Question

My wife's sister was living with us for couple of months as her uni was close by.She has recently moved out and is living in a hostel. Wn she lived with us, I took care of her as my own sis. But I realised tht she didnt value her parents and my wife, hence i felt I didnt need to care for her anymore. She has never been rude to me though. I recently raised my concerns to my wife tht I no longer wanted her sis to come over to our house on the wkends wn i was home cos i no longer wanted to meet or talk to her.as I felt she didnt value anyone.

My wife got quite offended by this and had a nervous breakdown, she told me how she and her family had always appreciated me for wt i had done for her sis. When I looked back I realised how my wife had sacrificed for me at so many levels so if she was asking me to be supportive now, I should listen to her as it was now my turn to do something for her. But wn her sis came to visit us again i just cudnt tolerate it, i tried but i just didnt want to be around, i felt i was being used. i made it clear to my wife tht in marriage u r expected to be helping each other out so she shud stop using her sacrifices as an emotional blackmail tool for me to submit to her wishes. She got annoyed and asked me to leave the house, she hit me and kicked me out of the house infront of her sis.in anger we both started hitting each other. I began to feel tht all of this was being caused cos of her sister, before this we hadnt been fighting like this. i felt our marriage was at risk here cos of her sis.

my wife still insisted to call her sis over esp on the weekend wn i was home, this really annoyed me, i rang up her parents and my parents and informed them how our marriage was being ruined by my wife's stubborness. i told them clearly tht i didnt want to meet her sis anymore. Her parents also began to emotionally blackmail me by saying how they had always appreciated wt i had done for her sis and tht i shudnt behave like this and tht my attitude was wrong.

I felt pressurised at every point. Eventually everyone started seeing me as the bad inconsiderate guy and i had to end up apologising to her family for hurting their feelings everyone knows i hit my wife but no one knows she hit me too. I even had to apologise to her sis for saying tht i hated her and didnt want to see her face. my wife's sis has stopped coming to our house now, my wife has laid another condition now tht my sis will step into our house only wn i call her up myself and invite her to come. I have made it clear to her tht i will not do tht as i have done enough by apologising to her sis and her parents already.I dont know wt she expects and wants from me now. We both equally hit each other, called each other names but she has played the victim now and wants me to go back to inviting her sis and behaving all goody goody again. so in the end she still gets her way. Is this right for her to be choosing her sis over me? she constantly keeps telling me how her sister loves me like her real brother, she tries to make it seem all my fault tht i was rude.

Answer 1

Joint counseling. You're both going to have to compromise. However, I think you've apologized to more ppl then you needed to. Stop dealing with the others and focus on getting help for both of you to deal better with each other. NEVER hit again even if she hits you. One word out of her mouth that you hit her, one mark on her body, you'll find yourself in jail even if you didn't start it. All she has to do is lie and say she didn't hit you. It's not fair but on the spot most police will err on the side of caution and arrest the husband. If she is having mental issues/breakdown she might let her anger make her spiteful.

Answer 2

1

Answer 3

I made a valiant effort to wade through that, but had to admit defeat after a few tries. My eyes started to hurt, and I think I lost some brain cells too.

All I will say is that getting upset about something does not mean someone is having a nervous breakdown. That is something entirely different, involving complete mental shutdown and needs psychiatric care.

That kind of exaggeration reminds me of people who say they have the flu when they just have a regular cold. There is no comparison between the two. Oh, how it vexes me.

Answer 4

Her sister is her sister no matter what. Don't get me wrong she should respect your wishes, but you shouldn't make her choose. that's not right. I could see you doing that if her sister was taking her to meet other men or getting her to do drugs or doing things like that ... but even then you as the husband should do whatever you can for the person you love. I can say that because i had the worst in law in the world and i never kept them from my home nor my husband even though I know they take him for granted. And I would hate for my husband to not get along with anyone in my family.

And the hitting thing. No woman has a right to hit a man and no man has a right to hit a woman. But you can't say you guys equally hit each other, because a womans strength does not equal a mans that like a teenager fighting with a 6 year old cause the 6 year old hit first. She was wrong when she started it ...but once you hit her back in stead of leaving, you became the one in the wrong.

Answer 5

This Site Might Help You.

RE:
My wife's having a nervous breakdown all the time!!?
My wife's sister was living with us for couple of months as her uni was close by.She has recently moved out and is living in a hostel. Wn she lived with us, I took care of her as my own sis. But I realised tht she didnt value her parents and my wife, hence i felt I didnt need to care for her...

Answer 6

One of the most common questions spouses ask when confronting a marriage crisis is this: How can I save my marriage if my partner doesn't want to help find a solution? How do I succeed I am trying to save my marriage on my own? Learn here https://tr.im/kuH0p

It is a typical enough story: one partner leaves, the other stays. One remains 'in love', the other is uncertain. Whatever it is that has caused a couple to be apart, the one person who remains bears the prospect, fear, doubt, desire, hope of saving his or her marriage' alone.

Answer 7

Sounds like your getting into a volatile situation here, with the hitting..That's not right at anytime, ya walk away, don't hit. Things are escalating and neither of you seem to be in control of it now. It's more who's right type thing here. You need to take your neutral corners, and get some counseling here.

Answer 8

It IS all your fault. Your wife will not choose you over her sister nor will she succumb to instructions by you. I have been thru the same thing and luckily my fiance doesn't make me choose but it got hairy there for a while.
You need to COMPLETELY stay out of it. Quit being controlling and quit being abusive and making excuses for it. Do you think that your wife can take you? Are you such a big man that you can beat on your wife? No self control? All of this over a blood relative that you should keep your nose out of? She is a fool for being with you.

Answer 9

You need to seek professional help, now. Do not mention this to anyone, I mean no one. It will create more drama.
Just a quick look, it seems like everyone else is putting everything ahead of your marriage.
You and your wife made a mistake, by letting the sister get too with your life, and your wife is obviously not putting the marrige first.
Also the hitting. Sorry to say, but usually that gets worse. You need an expert opinion.

Answer 10

whoa, that was detailed. Don't back down and don't call your sis-n-law to invite her over. Your wife needs to learn to choose you over everyone else. If they relent and sis_n_law comes over you either be nice or go out to a movie. Shame on both of you for physical fighting. Get counseling (and charge it to the sis-n-law)