My husband is unsupportive about my pregnancy, what do I have to do to get him to care?

Question

People keep saying---it's not real to him yet until he feels it kick or sees an ultrasound. It's been five months--why do I have to go through half of my pregnancy waiting for it to "kick in" for him? He won't read any pregnancy books or talk to me about it-he'd rather play video games or watch sports. How can I get him to care about my pregnancy and our baby?

He's heard the heartbeat-and is still totally ambivalent.

We planned to have children so this is no surprise to him and we are very well off financially so money isn't an issue. It's ridiculous to think that women enjoy reading about "mucus plugs" and other gross pregnancy topics, I think men should be involved and do some reading as well.

Answer 1

As much as it may hurt to wait longer, watch his reaction when he holds the child for the first time. I thought my crying days were over. At least I did until the doctor placed my son in my arms for the first time. I think I was crying harder than the baby.

Answer 2

This actually happened to me with my boyfriend of five years. However, our relationship was all but over - he could hardly even bring himself to touch my stomache. He was seeing other women at the time.

If your relationship is strong and you both wanted kids, I really don't understand why he is not sharing this joyful time with you. I understand guys getting a little tired of hearing every detail about the pregnancy and development of the baby but when they love you and they want the kids they're usually pretty supportive ( luckily the guy I'm with now is like this so I know the difference!!).

Tell your man it hurts your feelings when he does not show much interest in the baby / pregnancy and let him know what you would like (to be asked how you're feeling.. etc, whatever). Maybe he'll make more of an effort if the effect of his behaviour on your feelings is brought directly to his attention. Best luck...being pregnant and baby are just the best thing out

Answer 3

That's a tough question...I'm sure he cares, he's just not showing it to you in a way you want. I agree that you shouldn't have to wait half your pregnancy for it to become real to him, I mean, by now you've had ultrasounds and you can feel the baby moving around...he might not show things to you at all, but once the baby is born and he holds that little one in his arms for the first time, hopefully everything will kick in and he'll realize how amazing it all truly is. And then he'll want to get you pregnant again so he can actually enjoy the experience from start to finish.
I'm sorry he's being such a jerk...good luck through the rest of your pregnancy. Worry more about keeping yourself and the baby healthy and less about your husband. Take care.

Answer 4

My hubby was a bit disconnected also saying it didn't seem real to him yet. Then when I reached the point he could see my belly move as the baby did he got more excited. I don't know of many men personally who actually read a pregnancy book. It's just too much information for some. No man wants to hear about discharge, mucus plugs, and hemorrhoids being referred to in the same conversation let alone sentence as vagina. Make him attend a doctors appointment with you and get pictures from your ultra sound. It can make a big difference. Also, try not to take it personally. He could have loads of stress worrying about being responsible for another life and 'providing'.

Answer 5

well, was the baby PLANNED? If the baby was a surprise, then he may not have really wanted the child. To men, a child represents very different things than it does to a woman. Women think of having a child and get all warm and fuzzy inside thinking of all the special memories they'll share. A man thinks of having a child and yes, those warm fuzzies happen somewhat but the first thought is not warm fuzzy....it's "how the hell am I going to pay for this child?" Men worry about more practical matters like supporting their wife and child. most take that responsibility very seriously and it can end up stressing them out. I would be very upset if my husband wasn't happy over my pregnancy and invovled in everything!! You created this life together so it makes sense that he'd be involved in this phase too! You need to talk to him and see what's really going on. He may just be too immature to have a child but well...it's too late now!

Answer 6

He will, if he wants the baby anyway. It's just that he works on a different timeline to you. I had a fairly crappy pregnancy and despite knowing how important adequate nutrition is, it took him EIGHT MONTHS to get the hang of feeding me properly! 8 months of me throwing tanties, which he understood to be undesirable for anyone, including the baby he desperately wanted. It's weird, but it's as though they are kids at school leaving the real work until the last possible moment. My hubby spent the last night of my pregnancy nailing fence palings onto the front fence because he suddenly decided he wasn't having any passers by looking in on us and our child. I've no idea what difference it made, but I guess it's as good a way of spending his "nesting" urge as any. I spent mine looking at the fridge that needed cleaning and cataloging my book collection instead. Go figure :)
He probably does care, but he won't start showing it in the ways you want until the last second. It's just a guy thing. Tell him that you need to feel he's interested and if he won't read the books, he has to listen to you tell him about them. I had a copy of Kaz Cooke's pregnancy book and found him flicking throught it on occasion. It's quite possible that he does read bibs and bobs out of your books when aren't looking.

Answer 7

You can't "make" him suddenly become interested. It will happen for him when it happens... and that may not be until you're in the delivery room! You just have to be patient and allow him to warm to the idea. Be careful not to bombard him with it all, it will just push him further away. For the time being concentrate on being just a husband and a wife, it'll be a long time until you two can be that way together again. If you nurture your marriage and your relationship to each other, curiousity about the pregnancy will naturally follow.

Answer 8

If he can't make it to your next appointment to hear the heartbeat find out from your OB if you can get a recording and give it to him.
Then if he still doesn't support you with the pregnancy and the baby you might ask your OB if there was anything they could do to help you.
Good luck with the pregnancy and Congratulations with possibly having a baby.

Answer 9

You can't make him care. I am having the same problems. Except ours are a bit more difficult, but he is not going to start caring and I know this sounds bad, but there is really nothing you can do about it. Your husband is in his own world and he has reasons that may sound like a total crock of crap for doing what he does, but in his mind they are perfectly justified. But just from woman to woman, I definately feel your pain. My husband has me in tears everyday. I just hope my baby doesnt come out all retarded because I cant control my stress levels.

Answer 10

some suggestions: (1) take a DNA test; (2) both of you take parenting classes/workshops; (3) rent father/family movies emphasizing the greatness of FATHERHOOD, the fun and joy of life; (4) both of you speak to a marriage councilor; (5) have him join a local fatherhood support group that will help him prepare and accept this new phase of his life; (6) talk to your doctor, if having sex is still a viable option; (7) for yourself, there's exercises for you to keep physically fit during and after your pregnancy that will help your self-esteem and sexiness alive and well; (8) lay-off the negative vibes and you remain positive and strong (don't worry he'll notice)...plz. realize, Fatherhood is quite an emotional experience, and it takes time to sink-in...also, continuously use the terms "we", "us", "our", "family" . let's not forget the importance of faith and spirituality, goto church or your special spiriatual place as much possible....peace.