So, before I attempt to ask, please try to keep and open mind. Criticism is expected. However, for all of you "holier than thou" answerers out there, no one is perfect. Ok....
I met a woman. This woman has been married for seven years. She has been with the guy a total of thirteen. They have three kids together. He has cheated on her in the past. It is more than obvious that they have not overcome that obstacle. There are still some major insecurities in the marriage. She has stated, to both him and me, that she has only stayed with him this long because of the kids. I told her that was the wrong reason to stay and, sometimes, worse on the kids. She has also said that she is completely dependent on him and is uncertain about surviving without him. She is unsure of my commitment to her which is totally understandable. She says that i have shown her there is life out there other than what she has known. She also says that anything she decides will not be influenced by..
2007-11-14 19:11:09 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
me. I told her that I respected that and hopes that her decision is based on her happiness, not mine or his. Her conscience got the best of her and she confessed her "relationship" with me. I put it in quotes because we have never even touched, or met for that matter, each other. The only cheating that has been done is strictly verbal. Needless to say, her husband called me. Of course, his thoughts were irrational and full of anger. I kept my composure and tried to explain that he couldn't place all of the blame on me. He has to accept some of the blame because if he had been doing his job, then she wouldn't feel the need to talk to me. Anyway, I took the mature approach. I let him know that I was not intimidated by him but I did understand his anger. I told her that I would not be pushed away by anyone other than her. I meant that. I support her in any decision that she makes. While it may hurt me, I support any decision that she makes. What are your "opinions"?
2007-11-14 19:18:37 · update #1
Hey phil? I would hide your answer from any woman you might be interested in. You might have a hard time getting a date.
2007-11-14 19:26:32 · update #2
Sparkling_Apple: I am practicing exactly what you just preached. If she wants to make an attempt at working her marriage out, then I totally support that decision. I just want her to be happy. Even, if that means not with me.
2007-11-14 19:30:43 · update #3
Very well-spoken Captain. Thank you for your opinion.
2007-11-14 19:38:53 · update #4
kinkyk: She has not cheated. It was him that originally cheated on her. I know, I know. Two wrongs don't make a right.
2007-11-14 19:40:09 · update #5
Yes, Julie. I know, full well, what I am getting myself into.
2007-11-14 19:47:35 · update #6
IWEEPFORMOORE: You suffer from a huge amount of disrepect. Practice putting other people's feelings into consideration prior to giving your answers.
2007-11-14 20:53:12 · update #7
RickH: Your's is another well-written response. Thank you for your opinion.
2007-11-14 22:09:11 · update #8
So does she want to leave him for you?
If her marriage is bad, she should not stay for the kids, but she should not cheat. I mean two wrongs don't make a right.
I think that she sounds like she has been unhappy in that marriage for years and now she has that courage to leave. I think you should give her space to make the best decision for her and just make sure to be a good friend to her. If your relationship turns in to love and more then so be it. But make sure that she is out of her marriage before you jump into that situation.
Sometimes people just need that someone to help them when things are hard and they are unable to get out out of them. Be a good friend, just make sure that you are not pushing her to leave. Good Luck to you both!
2007-11-14 19:14:28 · answer #1 · answered by sparkling_apple 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My friend... no matter how nice you wish to sugar-coat this situation you are still an influence in her decision. She knows that she has a safety net...and that is you. She may say that anything she decides will not be influenced by you,but,ultimately it will. She has stated that she is uncertain about surviving without him and I can only read that as financial wise. That is probably where your part will come into play in this matter. She may feel if she leaves at least she has you there for financial support even if at this time she is not sure of your commitment to her and her kids. My only advice is .... just don't feel that you have to be a rescuer for this lady. If you've never been involved with a lady that has kids and a Dad..my friend..you are in for one eye opening experience.
2007-11-14 22:00:07 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Staying for the kids may in fact be a bad reason to stay, but that information shouldn't come from you...your bias is obvious and your motivations suspicious. It's not for you to evaluate the strengths or weaknesses of anyone's marriage except your own (at such time as you actually have one). Until then, recognize them as sacred relationships and leave them to succeed or fail on their own merits...don't try to nudge them into the grave. If she had been with you for 13 years you'd be facing the same ennui they are, then there are karmic variables to consider. One day when it really matters to you, someone will come along and threaten to poison a relationship you hold dear when you're in a moment of crisis, because that's exactly who you are in the middle of this guy's marriage. Your heart sounds like it's in the right place, but there's no honor in being this guy. She's someone's wife; pursuing her should be out of the question.
2007-11-14 19:31:49 · answer #3 · answered by Captain S 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Staying for the kids is a stupid idea. Then again, if she really wanted to leave him dependant or not she would have done by now. There is no doubt about it your been taken for a ride.
You have not even met this woman you say. Honestly your best forgetting about this woman. She sounds like a sl*g
If she has cheated before and she is again with you, then she can do it to you too.
Good luck.
2007-11-14 19:36:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I examine not merely this question yet in addition your reference. First a question approximately Ego. added 2 questions a million)how ego on the subject of Prana and a couple of) how ego on the subject of Kundalini. Ego on the subject of human nature. Prana and Kundalini appropriate Yoga. Your question is sweet and your factor is sweet. The nighttime owls can not digest good factors. forget approximately them. DN a large one than all and sundry else!! what a comedy!!!!enable them to cry.
2016-09-29 06:52:19 · answer #5 · answered by sedlay 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she just wants to make extra sure you will support her if she leaves her husband. can't blame the girl it's smart and working.
independence can be an only a fantasy in some long term relationships. so there for just go from one to another.
2007-11-14 19:22:45 · answer #6 · answered by .. 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Trouble and distress lie ahead! Get out while you still can!
2007-11-14 19:18:14 · answer #7 · answered by canterville87 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Of all the women there are in the world and you have to find one who has maximum baggage.
2007-11-14 19:24:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
its not just her but her and her KIDS. you sure you know what youre getting yourself into?
2007-11-14 19:45:09 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Son, this woman isn't just another whore. She's a flaming whore.
2007-11-14 19:14:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 4⤋