My husband slept with one of my close friends 6 years ago. He just told me a few days ago during a heart to heart talk that lasted until early morning .... until that moment....
we were together for 6 years, we had just moved back to his home town across america. We were in our early 20's partying n hanging out, my friend (we'll call her D) had a pretty rough home life and stayed over a bit. I went to work while the 2 stayed passed out at home (so I thought) kickin it what not right? I didn't feel threatened ya know she was, not to be rude, but not very attractive. Anyways she stayed heavily in our lives for about 3 years. we all talked openly sexually so I thought, yah know bustin balls and sharing stories n stuff. My husband is totally into horror movies n gore n cool **** like that where as I wasn't too exposed to it growing up so a conversation about horror movies n gorey **** was like a foreign language to me , directors, scenes, story lines, whatever...... she was into it I enjoyed seeing my husband talk about something he honestly was totally into. It was ****** cool!! But I started to feel it, I started to feel like I was the fifth wheel, I told him, I told him, he knew I was jealous of their connection. I started to resent her I knew it I felt it but I trusted him. I just thought I was being selfish for feeling this way. He said it happened 3 times, over a period of about a 2 months. He said there was not cuddling, no crazy sex missionary and lame, right of course what I want to hear right? Well anyway he said she broke it off came over one day (didn't **** him , so he says) and said we cant do this anymore and she didnt want to ruin "our" mine and my boyfriends 6 year love...... as if that wasnt already ****** at this point right? He said he was angry with her but I guess we all continued to hang out and party after that. this was in 2001. we moved 2002 and married in 2003 life was going beside all the constant partying n drinking, we were very happy, so I thought. We moved again outta state back to the west coast , we stopped drinking n partying, I went to college and moved on to be a Mental health couselor. I have learned so much being in the mental health field. Why we do what we do, our behaviors, our triggers, our issues and how to deal with them. Butr when My husband threw this one out there all my training flew out thew window I feel lost and shook, my heart is heavy and Im not sure what the **** to do or say I want to respect that he was finally honest , but at what cost. I cant imagine spending my life any other way but I thought he has always been honest and to say you dont want to **** other people or are not attracted to other people would be lying to yourself. You just should have enough sense not to dip it in, right? Hes a guy I know that but seriously the pain I can physically feel right now in my heart doesn't feel like it was worth it. I know what an aching heart really is. I sent her a text message and said we need to talk Im sure she has been thinking about it all night. Im not sure what to say. or do I need some words of wisdom. WTF man WTF?
2007-11-14 18:57:04 · 11 answers · asked by lady_thickness78 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
This all happened before you took vows. Look at it this way. your man was trying to be honest, so that nothing would be a secret between the two of you.
It is probably best just to tell her that your husband has told you what went on, and that you are disappointed that she, as your friend, did that to you. Give her a chance to apologize as your husband did, and let it go. If you can't accept her apology, just tell her so.
You can not harbor feelings about something that happened a couple of years before you and he were married. You will destroy your marriage. Forgive him and move on.
2007-11-14 19:06:54 · answer #1 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are SO twisted in your thinking. Why not tell your husband it's OK to have an open marriage and let him screw everything in sight? Pathetic. You said you are worried and jealous as hell. You have reason to be. No, your husband won't love you more, but he sure will want some more of where that piece of tail came from. I can't believe you are allowing YOUR husband to sleep with your friend as a present. That doesn't say much about your friend either. Her morals are in the toilet. You have opened a door that will never swing shut. You actually think he will be thinking about YOU while they are doing the freaky thang? Hell to the No! In addition, this will NOT be the only time. If the sex is that good they will sneak around behind your back, then you will be writing to Answers whining about your husband cheating on you. Sorry, but I don't even want to read that post. Don't do this before it's too late. Get rid of that so called friend who is jumping at the opportunity to to sleep with your husband.
2016-05-23 05:59:58 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband did wrong as well as your friend, I am sorry. It must hurt like hell, but one thing he finally trusted you enough to let you into his soul. I know you are still angry to say the least, but realize as well as the friend probably regret it. They stopped, because they both love you and know if they they continued no-one would be happy. Since you probably are still pissed I will tell you one thing, you don't have to think of a punishment they have been living with regret as well as shame for the past 6 years. Knowing fully what might happen if their secret ever got out. 6 years have passed, they have moved on. But you can't, because to you it seems like it happened yesterday. Try to breath, because that is the only thing that will give you a real chance to think about you are going to do as well as say. Take a couple of plates and break them, take your anger out on non-living object and after you are totally calmed think about what you want to do and say and to whom. Do you still want to be friends? Do you be married? What? Don't do anything in haste, go walk in the park and clear your head. I nor anyone else can truly tell you what to do, even if we would like to. Only you decide how to handle the situation. The future of your relationships lays in your hands, good luck and God speed.
2007-11-14 19:29:45 · answer #3 · answered by J.Bo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband should have kept this tidbit of information to himself. It was incredibly selfish of him to confess it. It did absolutely no good to anyone. He needed to just live with it and not torture the person closest to him. I'm sorry but he is a real a**h*** for bringing it up. I would NOT have any contact with the other woman. Just excise her from your life altogether. There is nothing she can say that will help. And get into couples therapy where a therapist can explore what your husband's motivations were to hurt you.
2007-11-15 06:41:21 · answer #4 · answered by Marina 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Woah...what an asshole for not telling you and waiting til you were already married that makes things ALOT more difficult...
Well i don't know him you have for 6 years you need to decide whether he is worth forgiving...it was a long time ago but then some people when they find out their partner had cheated on them and they decide to stay together they use it against that person forever...
I'd say follow your heart...maybe have some time to yourself to think...good luck.
2007-11-14 19:04:27 · answer #5 · answered by gesejimneys87 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WTF ...all right!!! just leave that sorry son a biatch! if you forgive him your only giving him permission to do it al over again infact he probably has and not just with your so called friend he probably has screwed half of your state....move on leave his diseased *** behind!...unless you liek being dis respected then stay but I think you have some self dignity well I hope you do! you deserve better!
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