My girlfriend was made to have sex, but didnt want too, is it rape?

Question

Well I've been dating my girlfriend on and off for four years. This last time we've been together, we really decided that it is true love. She was a virgin throughout the time we were dating. And I was talking to her about that, and she replied that she wasn't anymore. I was very confused, because she had seriously always told me that she wanted me to be her first. She then told me how her boyfriend she had while we were on a break made her have sex. She said she told him she didn't want too. They ended up having sex after she said she didn't want too. She said she didn't yell or anything because she didn't want her parents to find out. I feel horrible about this, I really love this girl. I feel like I should've been there for her and I wasn't. She acts as if shes not respectable anymore, as if her first is gone so it doesn't matter. I feel horrible about this, but she wants me to forget about it. Everytime we go to have sex, she has a gut feeling telling her not too. help me

Answer 1

Yes it is rape if she said she didnt want to or no and he still went on when he cleary herd her say no she needs some help to help her get thru this !!

Answer 2

John--if the story is true and not just some long story to avoid telling you that she doesn't want to have sex yet, it was rape on the part of the other guy. No is No and she should have reported it--she will need more help than YOU just thinking about this whole thing--she needs to sort it out with a professional. She is not the first to have it happen---she is not the first to react to such an event--she needs to get to a psycologist or you two will never have a successful happy relationship. You are affected too, now !! Stop trying to have sex--it is not a pleasure for her or you--it is not emotionally stimulating or satisfactory. STOP it NOW !! Maybe you BOTH should get to a counselor about this...or maybe you need another woman and let her go. If it is a fabricated story---she has issues that are deeply rooted in fear and insecurity--why subject yourself to this stuff?? No law says you have to stay with her. You need to find a happy secure woman with a maturity and confidence level more along the lines of what you are looking for. Got to face the facts. Personally I would not believe this story--sounds like a cover up for sex with some other guy--what girl wouldn't report the act to the police ?? Good luck !!

Answer 3

She's a liar. She's just telling you this because the guy was probably a jerk afterwards and now she regrets it. Also she probably doesn't want to hurt your feelings either.

P.S. You were waiting 4yrs? Let me give you some friendly advise. In this day in age, no woman is worth that. This is the new millenium not the 1950's. I have a hard time waiting 4 weeks and thats only if I really like them. Chicks will probably disagree with me here and give me the thumbs down but I'm happy in the way I live my life so I could care less. You should do the same because look what all your patience and blind trust got you? Basically, she's a liar and she needs to start serving up some taco or you need to go get your fill elsewhere.

Answer 4

Yes, that was very much rape, very illegal, and your girlfriend is not to blame. If she doesn't believe you, then get her to look at this thread and see all of the people who tell her correctly that it is not her fault. SHe is still respectable, and she has done ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong.

It was such a big deal that your girlfriend could tell you; it means that she trusts you one whole hell of a lot. She is probably also feeling lost and confused, so it is important that you are there for her. I do think that you, she, or both need to tell a responsible adult (a teacher, her parents, or preferably the police) what happened with this boy....most rapists are what they call repeat offenders, and they will just keep on raping more and more people until they get locked up or die. Your girlfriend needs you now, and now you've also got this big burden to carry around that you never even asked for. My heart goes out to you, and I encourage you both to reach out to the people you trust to help get you through this.

YOU also are not to blame. You are actually sort of the hero here, you know, because your g/f trusts you so much. You had no idea what was going to happen, so you naturally couldn't have done anything to stop it. I mean, hey! I wish every girl could have a boyfriend who loves her as much as you love your girlfriend, so please do not try to beat yourself up over this!

Answer 5

Honestly I'm not sure if she was really raped and just didn't care at the time of this happening or if she's lying to you to make it sound like she didn't want to have sex with this man because she now realizes that she wished she would have saved the first time for you. The only reason I say she might be lying to cover her *** is because no one in their right mind will be letting a man rape them when there are people in the other room that can stop them from doing so. If she stopped to think during this process that she didn't want her parents to know and not scream out or tell him to stop then she is just ignorant. I'd question her about this. If you really do love her then be with her, but I'm not sure she's not lying to you.

Answer 6

In most western countries and an increasing number of non western nations rape is defined as non consentual sex. She said NO and therefore legally it's rape, there are NO extenuating circumstances such as she was drunk, gagging for it and so on.

I'd advise you to have her talk with a trained counsellor at a rape crisis unit (attached to most hospitals) or a social worker in the first instance. They will listen in a non judgemental way and recommend to her potential courses of action.

If you genuinely lover her as you say you do then you should be prepared to stand by your woman as she works through what happened, don't be judgemental and be very supportive of her, even to the point of not having sex for as long as it takes her to get her head and thoughts sorted out

Answer 7

She is going through something similar to what I went through... Basically, I think that it would be a good idea for her to get some couseling, to get over that idea that your worth is somehow depleted after you "lose" your "virginity" and that virginity was not "given" nor is it a "thing." The way we get brought up makes it hard to wrap your mind around that, but it's true, and she needs to see that. Also, whether or not it was rape depends on if he restrained her or forced himself on her. If he did, then yes, regardless of whehter or not she yelled, it was rape. And rape. does. NOT. count. because it is not your fault. She needs to know that. That being forced, and making love with someone are both so comPLETEly different that it's unbelievable. Cousleing will probably help her through that. In the meantime, just be supportive of her and what she is going through for her sake and yours.

Good Luck And Much Love.

Love,
Ashley

Answer 8

Yeah It Was .. Anything But A Yes Means It Was And As Long As She Even Slightly Doesn't Want To Or Has Even A Little Feeling She Doesn't Want To..... Then Don't .... At All... Maybe You Should Do Something About The Ex BF ...Rape Is Illegal ... ... ...

Answer 9

Yes it is rape, and she should have reported it and yelled if possible. It is too late to prove it now, but she will probably be hesitant to have sex because of the bad feelings being raped causes. She should discuss this with her parents, so that she can get some therapy to overcome her fears.

Answer 10

Its almost impossible to have sex with a woman if she don't want you to unless she's in fear of her life and gives it up...But i really find it hard to believe that any woman would allow any man to take her virginity when all she had to do was yell stop and he would have stopped if her parents were in the house at the time as she stated to you, That would of been a good reason to wake them... And yes, If she didn't want it yet he took it it was rape. In my opinion based on the fact that she didn't yell, she wanted it...

Answer 11

If she told this young man no and he would not stop it is rape. From what you say she would not want to report him to the authorities, but she may need counseling. She needs to know this is NOT her fault and in no way lessens her as a person.

I don't know her age, but there are counselors she can talk to without having to have permission from anyone.

You sound like a wonderful boyfriend. Just keep reassuring her that you love her and do not see her any differently.

Good luck to both of you and please get her help if you can.