I can't let my church find out that I have someone in my family who's gay! Oh what do I do? What are some things that I can do that can change him back to liking girls? I have never had any one in my family who was gay and neither did my husband? Oh we need help!!!
2007-11-14 17:11:08 · 38 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
He is 16 years old.
2007-11-14 17:16:47 · update #1
He is still you son! Show him that you still love him, support him and let him know, that he can always talk to you.
You, you both, can be proud of your son trusting you so much. It must have been very difficult for him to tell you and he did!
And for your church or neighbours: show them all what love is! Stay with your son and let the people know that you love, respect and support him.
2007-11-14 17:18:02 · answer #1 · answered by Dutchess 4 · 6⤊ 0⤋
You're in denial over your son's sexuality... If this one was original, I would be laughing.
Accept him for who he is. He's brave enough to accept himself and not seem to have a problem with it. The least you can do is support him.
So what if you go to church? Is it their business knowing what your son prefers inbetween his partner's legs? They'll probably tell you to send him to a gay camp. Idiots, the lot of them.
You can't change your son's sexual orientation. Nothing can. Your church may advertise conversion therapy, but its bs. All it does is put him back in the closet and makes him go crazy for a while. I would ask you what you would rather have, a son who is mentally-ill, or a gay son, but it would probably take you a long time to decide, since you probably believe that both are one and the same.
Support your son. He's growing up. If you still need help.
http://www.apa.org/topics/orientation.html
Grow up.
2007-11-14 17:57:44 · answer #2 · answered by Kiefer H 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you love him before he told you he was gay?
Then there's no difference, being gay is not wrong. You need to love him and support him. It took a lot for him to tell you about it and now that he has you're concerned about how you and your husband will look to other people.
Who cares about what a church thinks. I'm sure you raised a great son and if you or the church is to shallow to love him for who he is, then it's you guys that have the problem and need help.
My family didn't accept me when I said I was bisexual...we haven't spoken to each other in a long time. They took the church over me, is that what you'll do to your son?
2007-11-17 05:41:01 · answer #3 · answered by Creepy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't change someones feelings twoards another human. There is no cure for being gay because it's no a disease. You pressuring him to be anything other than himself will only set him up for failure. What you need to do as a mother, is embrace him ,and let him know not to let any man take advantage of him. There's nothing you can do to have an affect on the way human beings love. You might have not known of the gay's in your family because your family is very secretive I see. He's not the first,last and the only. Trust me this is not a disease ,and he will not die from being gay. Niether will you. Ge over it!!
2007-11-15 03:56:30 · answer #4 · answered by chet g 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love your son for who he is. Being gay isn't a choice so there is no way you can "change him back to liking girls"--especially considering that since he's gay he never liked them in the first place. As for your church, you don't need to tell them anything. Whether your church is told is entirely up to your son--if he wants to stay "in the closet" to everyone except his parents then he can. If he decides to tell your church you should support him, it must have been hard for him to tell even you since he knew it was against your beliefs and you wouldn't understand.
2007-11-18 10:57:15 · answer #5 · answered by Shadow 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK first this is nothing you can do to change him back. Him being gay was his choice, not yours or your husbands. As parents be supportive of his choice. As we all know being gay in todays society is not easy. If he came out to you feel special that he was secure enough to tell his parents. At least you didn't find out by hearing it through the grapevine. You never know based on his age this might only be an experimental thing he could change back to liking girls later.
Most importantly I must say is do not try to force him out of his decision. He will resent you for it and most likely feel that his parents aren't there for him. Be supportive of him, even if you don't agree with it. As for your church, what they don't know won't hurt them. There is nothing wrong in not telling anyone. Only confront the situation if it comes up. It really is a problem between your son and the church.
2007-11-14 17:19:30 · answer #6 · answered by Robbo_op_98 5 · 6⤊ 1⤋
Continue loving your son as always. Don't worry about your church finding out; keeping secrets will corrode your relationship with your church friends. You can't change him back to liking girls if he never liked them in the first place. Pray for your son, all the time--he'll face temptations and challenges that straight people can only imagine.
2007-11-14 17:26:30 · answer #7 · answered by words for the birds 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Love him, and be there for him. You're not going to make him straight or anything if he is gay. Now, you and your husband both have someone in the family who is gay. He is your son, you better love him and treat him right. Be there for him, but let him be who he wants to be, not who you want him to be. Just let him know you are there for him, and that you love him, even him being gay. (He will love you for it)
-If your chruch would shun you for loving your son, then they aren't very good people.
"It is strange but true, those who have claimed to love god most, loved men least."-Robert Ingersoll. (Paraphrased)
Jesus preached love and non-judgment, I am not a christian, but I can tell you that, it doesn't sound as if your church is following his teachings if they would treat you negatively for your son being gay.
2007-11-15 02:50:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love him and support him! The fact that he said it shows that he is reaching out to you and sharing something that most people do not share with their parents for MANY years...congrats on having a close relationship!
Secondly, as for the church...they are stuck on man made rules (yes, the levitical law states it...but Jesus did away with that...I don't see anyone slaughtering lambs on Yom Kippur anymore...it was for then, not now.) If the church doesn't accept you for your son's decisions/feelings/natural desires/etc...it is time to find a new church!
2007-11-14 20:36:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all. Stop being selfish. "Oh what do I do, indeed."
It's your son who is gay, not you.
Love him as the son he has been and will always be. It's not as if he has suddenly come down with leprosy.
And who cares what the people at your church think or say? Is not as if you have to explain anything involving your family to them.
Just talk it through, without arguement, and just come to terms with it. That is all you can do.
2007-11-14 23:55:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋