Is it OK for you spouse to send an email to someone of another sex stating "this is the person I love"?

Question

Her picture was included and the words BFF. He states was meant as friendship only. I don't find this cool. He also calls her baby, etc.

I'm thinking about leaving, I have a child with a fresh brain injury that is doing fairly well that wants to leave too. I'm rationalizing I guess that this is his way to cope with the injury...He says I'm delusional and there is something wrong with me to think that he can't have friends like that with a woman. I'm getting close to the "that's it" stage. Just hadn't cause of kids medical issues and major medical bills.

I guess I just want it not to be true so bad, that I'm ignoring it. It's just another stress after our child almost died recently that I'm having a hard time facing. I have no family back up. But I'm strong, have just been in denial I guess.

Bless all of you, right now i just needed some validation. I'm going to start saving money back...I take care of all the bills..and make a plan to take care of this. I don't think a counselor is even going to get through to him because he obviously doesn't care how much he hurts his daughter and myself.

My self esteem has taken a huge hit and I could use some help on ways to rebuild that. He basically makes me feel "invisible".

Then of course if I try to discuss this "friendship" he becomes defensive and then ends up just yelling at me. I'm stuck for a while here due to the child's injury and medical bills. But soon, I think we'll be ok to make our move.

Deb...He actually works with her too, this was just an email I found when he forgot to close his email out on the computer. The talk on the phone all the time, if she has a problem, he goes running to fix it....but i'm just paranoid and delusional. He disappears for hours at a time without a good explanation for where he's been...Nice huh? But she's just a friend that listens to him and I should have faith in him......he says

Answer 1

Sweetheart you can lead a horse to water but you cant force him to drink and that is exactly why counciling wont help , men hate councelers and sit there brooding then whinge and whine all the way home your better off without that extra stress.

It isnt right for him to be calling anyone babe , baby , angel cakes , darling , sweetcheeks what ever term men and women use when cyber chatting , and stating in an email about love is disrespecting you , I feel for you but your being smart save the cash and then gain legal representation and make sure you dont let your loving heart get ripped off financially just because he wants to lay a guilt trip on you.

Good luck to and your beautiful daughter.

Answer 2

First question: my husband has females in his contacts, not many, but a few, and they are colleagues from work. I don't mind if he emails them or not. I would be pissed, if he has an old girlfriend in his contact list, for example. He doesn't have too many friends, and the friends he has are guys, but if he has a girl as a friend, I would be jealous for sure. He went to a business trip with two friends from work, and he told me one of them was a girl only after he came back... I was mad at him! Second question: when I have a chance, I certainly nose through his emails, actually I have done that... He doesn't keep it secret per se, but sometimes I browse a little bit. I don't know why I do it, I am not looking for anything specifically, I trust him, its just that... I am a woman, you know...

Answer 3

yea let it go men cheat and i take care of some one whose child has may be similar problems and the marriage is so stranged cuz of the child problems that i can see the husband is cheating the wife cant and thats sad there relationship well marriage is down hill but she cant see it. u should probably get a plan together and leave u have enough to worry about beside the man acting like a scared child. running form responsibility men cant handle problems well and with this on ur plate it is gonna be hard. he has to have some one to blame. and no theres no excuse for that not at all .

Answer 4

Oh, the Internet ! The great destroyer of relationships. My question for you , does your husband really believe that some female he talks to on the Internet is worth the strain he is making in his marriage?

The injury of your child may be causing him to react in odd ways to the stress of the situation. Maybe he is in denial and is trying to live a fantasy life that is less stressful for him? It's not nice and its not fair but he really needs to talk to you in depth about what he is doing.

Answer 5

Awww! I'm so sorry to hear you're going through all of that! It is certainly NOT okay for him to be doing that and please don't believe that you're "delusional". That's a classic male response to that situation. If it keeps up, he'll eventually have you convinced.

I understand why you're staying and putting up with him, but please realize the truth, build yourself with strength and prepare for departure if things don't change. I pray that they will. Again, don't allow him to brainwash you into thinking it's something you've done or that you're "delusional" . You need to hear THAT statement as much as he's telling the lies.

Good Luck and many blessings to you and your family.

Answer 6

First you and your husband almost lost a child. Second what he is doing is wrong. Before you deciede to leave read this.


ROMANTIC INFIDELITY

Surely the craziest and most destructive form of infidelity is the temporary insanity of falling in love. You do this, not when you meet somebody wonderful (wonderful people don't screw around with married people) but when you are going through a crisis in your own life, can't continuing living your life, and aren't quite ready for suicide yet. An affair with someone grossly inappropriate--someone decades younger or older, someone dependent or dominating, someone with problems even bigger than your own--is so crazily stimulating that it's like a drug that can lift you out of your depression and enable you to feel things again. Of course, between moments of ecstasy, you are more depressed, increasingly alone and alienated in your fife, and increasingly hooked on the affair partner. Ideal romance partners are damsels or "dumsels" in distress, people without a life but with a lot of problems, people with bad reality testing and little concern with understanding reality better.

Romantic affairs lead to a great many divorces, suicides, homicides, heart attacks, and strokes, but not to very many successful remarriages. No matter how many sacrifices you make to keep the love alive, no matter how many sacrifices your family and children make for this crazy relationship, it will gradually burn itself out when there is nothing more to sacrifice to it. Then you must face not only the wreckage of several lives, but the original depression from which the affair was an insane flight into escape.

People are most likely to get into this when they must deal with any situation in which they must face a lot of reality and grow up. The better the marriage, the saner and more sensible the spouse, the more alienated the romantic is likely to feel. Romantic affairs happen in good marriages even more often than in bad ones.

Both genders seem equally capable of falling into the temporary insanity of romantic affairs, though women are more likely to reframe anything they do as having been done for love. Women in love are far more aware of what they are doing and what the dangers might be. Men in love can be extraordinarily incautious and wining to give up everything. Men in love lose their heads--at least for a while.

I went through a similar situation with my husband. I read this and started to understand what he was going through. It is up to you wether you feel that he is worth the pain that you and your family will go through. You will be the bad guy because he needs somebody to blame for his actions. In the end the decision has to be yours but, I chose to fight for my marriage and I won. One day he "woke up" out of his depression and our marriage has been better than it has been in a long time.
When I had nothing left to lose I asked him if his "friendship" bulls**t was worth it. I gave him 1 hour to deceide. I won. I would not recomend giving an ultimatum unless you are prepared to lose but really ask yourself if you are ready to throw it all away.

Good luck to you in whatever choice you make.

Answer 7

Sometimes an 'emotional' affair can be far more painful then a physical one. He's wrong to call her pet names and talk about loving her. You have to decide what you're willing to tolerate. If it passes that point and he won't change/stop what he's doing then it's time to move on.

Answer 8

... And *he* is the one calling *YOU* delusional..??? Honey, not only is he a scumbag, but he's a verbally abusive psychopath who feels no remorse. Whatever hardship you will have to endure financially or otherwise to be without him - you're better off. Best of luck to you...

Answer 9

Just "back-off". For now.

You have your hands completely full .. with your sick child.

"Wear" what he has done to you for awhile.

This will give you time to know what to really do about it .. and by backing-off - it will give him more space .. and you may discover what he is really up to.

He should not be messing with another woman. Just don't nag him right now .. just let him do as he pleases .. and you be making plans .. and silently watching what he does.

Eventually - you will know what to do.

What he has done ... IS NOT OK !!! ... but it's really up to YOU .. to judge this thing about your own mate.

Best of wishes to you - and your child.

Answer 10

I am sending you sympathy and a hug because surely there is no question here.

What a pathetically ratty thing for him to do. No, make that weasel, not rat.