My husband isnt interested in sex anymore, I am not fat or ugly what is the problem?

Question

I had a baby 6 months ago, I am 3 pound short of my pre-pregnancy weight. He is the one that has gained weight. He doesnt even kiss me anymore. What is the deal, we haven't even been married a year.

Answer 1

As hard as it can be to believe sometimes, remember that it probably isn't your fault.

Ivillage has a decent message board that is kind of like an online support group. You might want to check it out. Sometimes it helps to know you are not alone:

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlclashing

There can be a ton of reasons why your husband isn't interested anymore. Your husband may not know the reason himself.

Some possibilities:

1. Depression
2. Stress (maybe the lack of sleep with the new child, anxiety about being a father, worries about money, etc... this would be my first guess)
3. Alcohol or drug problem
4. Hormone/chemical changes in him due to weight gain
5. He has a mistress
6. Maybe he has ED and is embarassed to talk about it
7. Perhaps he has another medical condition he doesn't want to talk about (When my wife and I were dating, I went on a business trip to Haiti. I was always faithful to her. However, when I came back, all of a sudden I had itching and burning in my ...... well, I'm sure you know where. How was I supposed to tell my gf that I had this problem and make her believe I didn't cheat? I told her the truth and she believed me. However, I guess the women in her office were talking bets as to whether I would have anything show up in my STD screen...which was all negative. It ended up it was the first symptom of some sickness/disease that had me terribly (almost deathly) ill for 3 months. They never did figure out what it was)
8. Lost interest in your relationship/fell out of love with you (I hope this isn't the case, but it has to be said)
9. The sight of childbirth turned him off
10. Side effects to prescription meds
11. With a child, the dymanics of sex and intimacy change. Maybe he doesn't like planned sex nights. Perhaps he doesn't feel comfortable kissing you in front of the kids (I know a lot of people get grossed out by seeing their parents be affectionate toward each other...maybe he is one of them and doesn't want to do anything in front of the child)
12. Maybe he is a homosexual that was in denial when you were married

There are many more reasons I am sure. I would just talk to him and have a heart to heart. Let him know how the isolation feels to you and the rejection when you try to initiate. The answer maybe I don't know, but if it is, see if he would be willing to see a doctor or a shrink to figure the problem out.

I wish you the best and hope that things work out for you.

Answer 2

Might be your attitude? I mean come on who asks a question with :I am not fat or ugly what is the problem?

I know this place is shallow and that's the 1st thing the jerks and jerkettes state when answering because their tiny mind's cant come up with real idea's or real help they only know how to insult and earn 2 point's.

I've said it before , when a couple has a baby it effects both parties , the changes your going through with feeds during the night and diaper changes , when the teething starts you'll get less sex , he has to stress about you , the baby , work , bill's , money for baby medicine if it gets a cold or worse it's not easy for men adjusting women forget this because they're so tired and stressed themselves they forget about their partner in that sense.

Try and get the baby fed and bathed in bed sleeping for how ever he/she sleep's for the night and then do something nice for hubby an all over body massage and make it sensual.Good luck.

Answer 3

u shouldn't think anything i think unless that sixth sense is really bugging u i'd just talk to him. but like us women sometime u just aren't in the mood. sometimes u want something loving and romantic and sometimes u just want a quicky. what i would do is take this time to do other things with him that will get my mind off of it and will bring u closer as a couple again. ie camping hiking going out on dates all that good stuff that brought u together in the first place or try new things as a couple. he's a man it'll come back. also be attentive check to make sure he's not going thru something either at work or family maybe he's got a lot on his plate and may need someone to talk to let him know that someone is u.

Answer 4

There are many reasons WHY.

It could be physical .. for example .. does he take medication for diabetes .. or have diabetes ?

Sometimes .. after the birth of a baby .. a husband does not want to take the chance of having another one.

There are a lot of things to think about ... like .. what was your & his sex life before? ... if it was constant and all the time .. then he probably needs sex now ... or ... if it was not a big thing to him before - then, he may not have much of a sex drive.

Did you ask him if he still loves you? .. or what the problem is? Do you think he could have someone else?

There are so many things to consider.

A beginning of discovery .. would be to talk to him first. He may not tell you the exact truth - but you could see his reaction.

Answer 5

Is something else bothering him? Money problems. Work problems. Adjusting to a new baby. Sharing you with the baby. It could be anything. You do need to talk to him about it, do not let it grow into a bigger problem. Have you made a big deal about his weight gain? Could he feel insecure? Us ladies do not have the market corner on insecurities about our bodies.

Adding a baby to the marriage, especially a new marriage, is a big adjustment. Communication is the first step. Could he have a medical condition? Diabetes can affect libido, as well as depression.

Answer 6

Sometimes that happens to a guy after the woman has a baby. You two should seek counseling to help him get past the feelings that he has. For some guys, it's the shock of having his first baby... "OMG! I'm a daddy now!", and for others, it's just the whole birth that somewhat traumatizes them. There are other reasons, which is why it would be best to seek counseling to find out what happened. Hopefully it will be something that is easily dealt with. Good luck to you! : )

Answer 7

Maybe you should ask him. Everyone here can only theorize ... it could be anything from bad breath to him cheating on you to any number of things in between.

Maybe just the stress of the baby and the late nights has left both of you a little worn out.

Maybe he just needs a back rub and soft lit room to get the hint!

Answer 8

Some men get a little freaked out by the whole giving birth thing. Maybe that is the problem.

Is he smoking weed or doing other drugs?

Could he be depressed or under stress?

The thing is all we can do is speculate. Your best bet would be to talk to him about it. In any case, this is just a phase. It will pass.

Good luck.... I said LUCK!

Answer 9

It doesn't necessarily mean he's cheating. There are plenty of things which can cause this. Stress for one. I'd seek professional counseling. Whatever you do don't go behind his back this may only cause more problems.

Also, and I don't mean to insinuate anything here, you may try to spice up your sex life by trying something new or doing something special for him. Do something out of character. Hopefully he will reciprocate or at least show some interest.

Answer 10

I'm sure that you are more beautiful than you've ever been. Please don't blame yourself for his lack of affection. You obviously care deeply for him. Some men have a hard time seeing their child's mother as a sexual partner too. Talk to him about it. Hire a sitter if you need to so that the two of you can go to dinner alone. Help him to remember that you are still the same girl that he married oh such a short time ago.