Is divorce the solution?

Question

My husband and I been married for 2 months and 14 days. (Ironic) and now: We live together under the same roof; but in silence, the TV and his PSP are his best distractions to avoid me. I can never do anything right without him criticizing me. Plus, we keep arguing over the same subject repeatedly.

The unresolved subject we keep arguing about is that he thinks "I flip out" in front of his friends. Well, why wouldn't I if he acts like a complete jerk and ignores me in front of them. I never wanted to be the wife to ask him to slightly detach from his friends, but if I did, why can't he? If we were dating, I wouldn't allow anyone to make me choose between my friends or him; but he is my husband for God's sake and I chose him.

Answer 1

From what you just described, no. Divorce is not the solution. Communication is! You both should consider counseling.

Answer 2

2 months and 14 days - well at this stage all you should be doing is fighting and making up. I'm a newlywed too (6 months) and one of the things my mother told me is that we were to seperate people who must bond into one. That part in the vowels (and in the bible) about the two become one is truly deep. She told me that in order for that one person we are going to be comes out, that our two seperate selves have to die. She also told me that we are exactly where we should be - trying to figure each other out and make our way to the "oneness". And she's right. Killing anything hurts - so you have to allow yourself to die and so does he. The problem is he'd rather avoid the process with PSP - that only prolongs the inevitable. He either has to face it now or later and sadly, if he doesn't turn of the TV now, he'll be facing it later and it'll be worse. Regardless of how long you were together before you got married - you NEVER know someone until you live with them. And especially if you can't just up and walk out. Marriage is work and you both have to work at it. So I suggest you go in, put your foot down and turn off the TV and talk. Also stop trying to please him so much and do everythng perfect. You'll drive yourself nuts (and him too really). I did this in the beginning too and my husband told me I was making him nuts. He never critizes but me trying to please him and be perfect was getting on his nerves. Also, I learned that sometimes talking is always the best thing to do. The key to marriage (I think) is balance and compromise. If he drowns his sorrows in PSP then sometimes let him be and go off and do what you like. I'm a talker and my husband is an avoider. I need to discuss the issues "right now" and he needs time to "process" things. I've learned to leave it alone for a bit (it's hard as hell for me to do)and I'm surprised when he comes to me, out of the blue, and says "I've been thinking...". Usually he comes back with the exact same thing I was wanting or pissed about. So sometimes try not to get your guy to talk (though he has to talk about the serious stuff) and see if things will get accomplished. Good luck.

Answer 3

Well not knowing what you argue about this could be the issue. Or I mean the fact that it is unsolved could be the issue. Criticizing you all the time does not make you want to stay explain that to him. Do know that there is a whole world of people out there and what he dont appriciate form you some one is looking for that and WILL appriciate it and same goes with him. Do you have children? Are you expecting? If not than ask yourself what is best for you. If he does not make you happy GET OUT before you reproduce with this guy and the bad relationship sticks with you for 18 years at the least. and if this guy DOES otherwise make you happy than find out how to make it work...a medium....counseling maybe? COMMUNICATION is always a maker or breaker.

Answer 4

The world might tell you divorce is OK, but this sounds more like a maturity/growing up issue. He probably doesn't understand what a marriage really is. Secret: A man craves respect more than sex. Give him alone time with his PSP and have a good (girl) friend come visit for a chat while he plays. He should soon learn what he's missing.

Answer 5

I don't know if divorce is the answer, but it sure doesn't sound like marriage was either.
If you really love each other, you need to get through the adjustment stage. It takes a while to learn the routines and idiosyncrasies of another person.
Maybe you should consider counseling.

Answer 6

You haven't been married long enough to really call divorce. Attempt counseling. This simply could be two newlyweds frustrated and unable to communicate their feelings. The first year of marriage is the most difficult and challenging.

A counselor can help give good strategies to help you get your relationship back on track.

Even the best couples can become disconnected and even annoyed/fustrated with one another. It's normal and can be resolved.

Answer 7

study some relationship books at libraries, book stores and learn all you can about self-esteem because you are caught up in a co-dependent relationship that might be repairable if just one of you learns how to have and be in a good/healthy relationship.
You're like so many other couples - you want a happy, loving, respectful, fulfilling relationship BUT YOU DON'T KNOW HOW!
I'm here to tell you that anyone, including you, can (if you want to) LEARN HOW to make a relationship work well. The techniques and methods are simple, sensible and do-able so get going and either fix your relationship or dump it.
good luck fixing yourself and your relationship,
jim

Answer 8

Well...try to get him to do marriage counseling. I was married for 7 months....the divorce was finalized in July I think. He lived through the sports and poker shows on tv....the PS2 video games (of course he only played sports games on there) and he would take the money that I earned from my two jobs (while going to school full time) and go spend it playing poker. He didn't have a job...didn't try looking for one...and he just didn't even do anything around the apartment. I was expected help clean the apartment too. So yeah....it was b.s. and his *** was out the door. He was great before we got married but it just seems that some guys think that they don't have to work for the relationship just because of a piece of paper. If it's honestly a bad situation...like mine...then get out. He's hurting you emotionally....and probably doesn't realize it. Why did he marry you if he's going to live through the TV and video games? You should be the most important thing in his life (just as he is the most important to you)...not some fantasy world. (Oh yeah...my ex was also telling me I had to choose between him and my friends...and on a couple of occasions he grabbed our butcher knife and tried to hand it to me telling me that I should just end his misery....which made me laugh because what misery did he have? He got to sit at home on his *** all day while I worked for the two of us...)

Answer 9

Sounds like to me that you need to have more communication. Sit him down and talk it out. Express your feelings and listen to his. Divorce is never a solution but an ending and sometimes necessary as a last resort to avoid abuse and abandonment. What is the point of being together when there is no union in the contract. The Bible will tell you that there is only one reason for divorce. That is adultery.
You will need to decide if that applies in your life.
Rev. TomCat

Answer 10

As they say marriage is another whole new stage of love. Well u guys marry not long ago. I don't think u want to divorce. Have u think everything through?. What do u think got wrong?. I think u guys really need to sit down and have a long talk about what is going on. Good luck.

Answer 11

I'm so sorry you're in this situation... But to answer your question about whether divorce is the only option, you'd have to give a bit more details: How long have things been like this? Did something happen, like a big fight, to make things like this? What was your situation like before you were married? Do get back with more details, and I'll check again and try to do what I can to help out.

Hang in there...

Edit: Okay, so it sounds like the dynamic that you two have is that the harder you try to reconnect, the harder he works to push you away. Right now the way things are between you guys, your efforts to make things better are backfiring and setting him off.

Try backing off - hang out with your friends, family, whatever, do fun stuff by yourself. When you interact with him, make it light, make it positive, and make it very brief - like hi, how's your day going, see you later, I'm heading out. It'll do you good to stop feeling like you're constantly begging for his attention, to get your head in a happier place and hang out with people who pay attention to you, too.

Get support - it sounds like you're feeling extremely lonely, neglected, and pushed away and betrayed by the man who is supposed to love you. Is there anyone you can talk to or cry on? See a counsellor if you don't feel comfortable letting it all out on your friends or family - whether you end up divorcing or things get better, just getting it all off your chest will make a big difference. Good luck to you hun. I'll check back again later if you have anything to add...