Ok. I have been married for 7 years with my husband for 10. About 3 years ago things started to fall apart. I found out he was talking to girls all the time at all hours. He was gone all the time "working" and then one night he came home drunk and hit me many times. We have been separated every since about 5 months. We are currently going through the divorce process and are getting close to the end. My problem is that I still love him, even after all of it. Am I stupid or should I consider not going through the divorce? I feel like the victim, and he took away everything. He has asked to come back many times which I said no. But when I look at him I do feel so sad and miss him. What do I do?
2007-11-14 14:28:16 · 12 answers · asked by Erin 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are doing the right thing! Be strong! It's like others have said. He will do it again. Some people change, but most don't. Time will heal. You will gain the strength to pursue your happiness. Do not worry about his! He did this to himself. You just have to keep convincing yourself of this.
2007-11-14 14:39:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand. My husband and I are going through some hard issues right now, but we are newlyweds - together a year and only married a few months. Yesterday we had a huge fight and he took some clothes and left. I feel that he was wrong (and I did some things that were wrong too) and I feel like the marriage can't work. He didn't hit me but he pushed me down (while I admittedly was out of control). I miss him so much I can't stand it. I understand that we have issues and he shouldn't have pushed me, but that doesn't mean I don't still love him. Don't listen to people who say negative things. you are entitled to feel the way you feel and you will only get over him when YOU are ready. Now as for him hitting you, unless it was some extenuating circumstance and it hasn't happened again or before and you don't expect it too, then talk to him. See if he feels the same about not wanting the divorce. It's easy for me to say because I refuse to call my husband back him, it's going to have to be something that he does so i know he wants it. If your husband ask to come back again and you want him back (assuming he's never hit you before and never does again) then what's wrong with talking it out? Set some definite ground rules and give it a trial reconciliation. Now, if only I could do the same... Good luck.
2007-11-14 22:40:18 · answer #2 · answered by Brandy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen , do not go back .He has not changed or stopped drinking and if he is not ready to do that then the abuse will just continue . I know it will be hard to be without him after all those years but you really do not need to get back into a dangerous situation . You are a victim and you need to continue with the divorce . No , you are not stupid , just human . You will hurt for awhile but it will soon get better and you will feel so much better because no-one deserves to be abused . Take care of your self and move on . Good Luck and I will be praying for you .
2007-11-14 22:45:13 · answer #3 · answered by Saharwi Wife 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has he changed really changed? If he has hit you then you must know for a fact that he has changed before you can even comsider taking him back. Let your heart tell you what to do. Do what you want to do not what others tell you to I am going through a similar situation I have been with my husband for 7 years and we have split up. He is confused and yes he started with talkin to the girls all the time and hiding it too. I still love him and this time i would have to know that things have changed before i would consider it again. If you still miss and love him and he has changed and you can truly forgive and forget then go back and be happy. But remember you must forgive and forget.
2007-11-14 22:46:02 · answer #4 · answered by heather 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might want to only remember your long history and the good times. It is sometimes nice to be in that comfort zone, and you will miss it. But it seems that your husband is not happy (for whatever reason) and doing things that he normally wouldn't do to you. No one deserves to be hit and treated with such disrespect. He has gone too far. Think about what it would be like to be with him again, could you put this all behind you and honestly forgive him? Hopefully that helps, good luck.
2007-11-14 23:01:15 · answer #5 · answered by flower 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should let him knock some sense into your thick skull!
NO!
Keep going. Sure you love him, and you always will. But what you need to do more than anything is get some serious mental help until you uncover the reasons you are attracted to abusive men. Then you need to fix yourself.
Do not date until after you have had several years of intensive therapy.
Good luck. I will pray for you.
2007-11-14 22:33:31 · answer #6 · answered by box of rain 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No man should hit you with his words or his hands. As for feeling sorry for him, don't. That's what he wants you to do. If he was any good, he should have been taking better care of you a long time ago. Don't feel sorrow, feel joy in knowing you can do better. You have to have teflon boobs right now.
2007-11-14 22:35:19 · answer #7 · answered by renamed 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He hit you and he will do it again! Do you want to set your self up for heart ache again? If he loved you he wouldn't have needed to talk to other woman either! You deserve better stand strong!
2007-11-14 22:33:06 · answer #8 · answered by Amberlyn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't confuse familiarity with love. Often people want what they had because its familar even though they know its unhealthy.
I am sure you did love him but he didnt love you how he should have. Look ahead and not behind.
2007-11-14 22:50:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take yourself to a therapist and find out why you love someone who hit and disrespected you.
You know what's wrong with him.....now find out what's wrong with you.
2007-11-14 22:34:40 · answer #10 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋