Settle or try for full custody? HELP. Wife is not being reasonable.?

Question

My stbx has given the "ok" to a visitation arrangement where she is offering me 40% of the time with the children (all weekends - Fri, Sat, and Sun nights except the first one of the month) and 8 weeks during the summer and shared holidays. However, she will only offer this schedule if I will pay the full amount of child support (no deduction for amount of time they spend with me). Its either that, she says, or go to court and risk paying full amount of child support and only having kids regular visitation schedule equivalent to 20%). In essence, I am being blackmailed.

I will be out a good deal of extra expenses for child care during summer, and her expenses will be somewhat reduced. I have suggested that a 15% reduction from the guideline child support amount would be reasonable - but she won't go for it. She's basically after as much money as she can get.

So, at this point I am not sure what to do and emotions are clouding my judgment. What should I do?

I'm by far the better parent and was the one who provided most childcare during the marriage. However, I'm a dad and the children are 6 and 4 - so I face an uphill battle getting custody. Also, she is a teacher - has same schedule as the kids - and her extended family lives here - and mine is far away.

Lawyers are already involved. In fact, they presented this ultimatum to me in conference with my lawyer. In Mississippi they will not grant shared physical custody unless both parents agree to it. Also, if I go to court and lose, then I will get court-ordered regular visitation rather than the 40% she is dangling in front of me now. Basically, with this schedule, I would have children almost all the time they are out of school - yet she wants me to pay 100% of child support. I will end up paying quite a bit more as I will incur a lot of expenses myself.

Answer 1

The best thing for both of the children is that you and your spouse share custody of the children. Do not be fooled by what is now called Joint Custody. 99% of the time this is a reference to joint legal custody. This is not shared custody where both parents have equal established time with the children and the children are available to either parent at any time. You may be personally inconvenienced by your spouse being allowed to drop by when she wants, and she may feel or be the same. Tough Crap. The children come first.

Her expenses will not be somewhat reduced, her expenses will be directly reduced the exact amount of the time that you have the children. Don't let them run a numbers game on you. If you have the children 40% of the time, that is an 80% reduction in her expenses.

Tell your attorney that your wife has made an offer. Tell your attorney that you want them to put it in writing and tender it to your attorney for review. Then get an emergency hearing in front of the court. Have this agreement tendered to the courts as evidence that your wife wants to 'be reasonable' and share custody with you. Again, Shared being that they spend equal time with both parents. Then file a motion that you agree with this reasonable offer, if the child support is reduced proportionally. Don't let her play that feminist crap with you. Tell the judge, she obviously has no issues with your parenting skills, so equal custody is best. If there is equal custody, you both take care of your own financial situations.

Don't let the judge give you any crap either. Child Support is Alimony.

I have included a few links below that I am sure will help both you and your ex find a way to put aside your petty differences and help you work together for the sake of your child. Studies show that equal time with both parents will make a child more likely to grow up emotionally well adjusted and healthy, and more likely to perform better in school and life.

I will gladly do anything I can to help. If you need anything at all, please feel free to contact me. My profile is public and I have nothing to hide.

God Bless

Frank Pytel
[e-mail]

Side Note: Various Google searches including the quotes.

“Child Custody” : 1,800,000 hits
“Child Custody” -Lawyer : 1,680,000 hits
“Child Custody” -Lawyer -Attorney : 1,460,000 hits
“Child Custody” -Lawyer -Attorney -Judge : 1,260,000 hits
“Child Custody” -Lawyer -Attorney -Judge -Litem : 1,250,000 hits
“Child Custody” -Lawyer -Attorney -Judge -Litem -Law : 587,000 hits
“Shared Child Custody” : 1,270 hits
“Joint Child Custody” : 790 hits

http://www.true-equality.org/
http://www.deltabravo.net/
http://www.fapt.org/index.php?option=com_frontpage&Itemid=1
http://www.f4j.com/
http://groups.yahoo.com/search?query=shared+child+custody
http://360.yahoo.com/my_profile-O8EcRbkhYrI8Y76FID5PBDX6;_ylt=Av95cKrS2heIv727lcF0FuikAOJ3

Answer 2

I would go to court. They will not have you pay the full amount of child support since the kids are going to spend almost half of the time with you. She is being unreasonable and if you give in to her now you will be blackmailed until the youngest is of age. I would not do this. She is also being selfish. The judge is not going to let her dictate what is going to go and what is not. Most judges do not give full custody to one parent anymore unless the other is unfit or does not want it. I don't see why you would not be given joint custody. It is the norm these days. There are a lot of lawyer out there that will give you a free consultation. Get out the phone book and find one so you can talk to someone that knows the law where you live and can give you the advice that you need. Visitation is not based on what she is willing to offer so do not let her bully you into anything. Call that lawyer. Also remember if you give her any money for the kids make sure that it is documented so she cannot say that you did not and make you pay it again. Write her a check if you have to. Good luck.

Answer 3

so either way you will be paying the max in child support.

look, i say take it to court. you know the reason why most dads get the minimum of child visitation? because they don't speak up and fight for it. i was a non-custodial parent for 2 years. i had mon-thurs from 2:15pm until 9pm. then i had every other weekend and shared holidays. because i fought for it and made myself available for my children. ask for first right of refusal. anytime she is not available to take care of the children she has to call you to ask you if you are available before she calls a sitter. be involved with their schools, doctors and child care personnel. the more involved you are, the more the judge will see you being a parent. and allow more visitation.
also, you will be required to pay 50% of daycare. request a clause she provide 50% of the daycare costs while they are in your care during your summer weeks. i'm not sure if this has ever been done, but it never hurts to ask

Answer 4

you can the judge order a schedule when you can see your children and if she doesnt follow it then she will be in contempt of court. as far as full custody you need to prove that she is an unfit parent

id say get a good female lawyer yes must be female or two and really battle this out. yes she is trying to get you to pay the full money to support the children with your money, which makes no sense since if you are monetary full responsible for them then you should have full custody.

Answer 5

I'd get yourself a good divorce attorney. You have many options available to you and custody doesn't always go to the mother. It would be worth your time and money in the long run, especially if she's doing this to you. Just make sure you have proof to present to your attorney about the blackmail. Good luck friend. Tough situation to be in.

Answer 6

Oh, do no longer blame it on hormones, dude. =p i think of what maximum in all probability occurred is she got here to the top that she fairly did no longer want her family contributors to crumble, and that's what made her awaken and understand what a extensive mistake she replaced into making. in spite of everything, she replaced into throwing each and every thing away... for what? i think of you would be justified in feeling like she has broken have confidence with you. whether, she has shown significant humility in coming to you and saying, "I injury you. I see that. i'm so very, very sorry." that would desire to count quantity for some thing. individually, i've got self assurance that the two one among you are able to paintings previous this, and alter right into a miles better, greater advantageous, happier couple, and a miles better than chuffed family contributors. people have bounced back from close to-divorce till now, and function replaced their lives consistently. For the sake of you young babies, i desire you will provide it a attempt.

Answer 7

She is trying to pull a fast one on you. Here is what I think you should do....go to court and get the custody established first....you maybe can work this out in mediation....then visit the child support issue....there are calculators that states use to calculate the support and one of the formulas they use is overnights a month in each home. Get a really good attorney to work this out for you....you will be glad you did.....trust me on this one.

Answer 8

Please don't take this as sound legal advice since I have no legal background. But I would just take as much time with the kids as you can. You can always make more money at your job in years to come, but in a few short years the kids will be grown and child support will be a thing of the past anyway.