Is disconnecting yourself sexually in marriage?

Question

I'm just wondering when a woman disconnects from her husband in the sexual realm is she trying to tell them something?. I work hard, do stuff for my wife all the time and
have had a great relationship over the years and it is just recently that she has no interest in sex?. She is positelvely not cheating she is likie we rushed into sex and now she wants to get to know me?. Married over 8yrs together over 10yrs. I'm just confused have other ladies done this with your mates?
She is 37 I'm 32 no kids involved.

Really whey did God make women so difficult to understand. Us men are so easy we like pleasure and we like our toys just as we age they get more expensive. I have communicated and well even gone without well long enough I can't remember the last time we did anything. What really gets me though is she teases me she will put on a perfume I love and then stick her neck up to my face. Why do that if you are not trying to seduce your mate. I love my wife dearly but I'm surprised I still have hair with this sexual frustration. I use my hand fine but really any guy will tell you it is not the same. Telling her my feelings and problems just pisses her off I tell her why I'm moody but it is like whatever.

Answer 1

Me as a woman ....I am also going through the same thing with my husband. The sex is not there anymore...I just want my husband to communicate with me get to know me .I am human person not a sex machine that's all he thinks about..but not me I want him to be my friend my best friend and my husband ..but you cant do that on just sex...communications is the key get to know her that's all she wants from you.

Answer 2

It happens after years of marriage and also when women age. Some possibilities:

1. Self esteem. Has she gained weight? Is she "letting herself go" (ex: poorly dressed, no make-up, etc).? It's hard to feel sexy when you don't feel too good about yourself.

2. Physical sexual issues. She's young for menopause to start, but at that age, your hormonal levels decrease and this can lower your sexual drive. She may have more difficulty feeling aroused.

3. Stress & lack of sleep. If she's tired all the time, it's hard to get horny. She may not be sleeping enough or her job is tiring/stressful. This can contribute to a lower sex drive.

4. Changes in you. I hate bringing this up, but it's also a possibility. Have you gained a lot of weight recently or let yourself go? You're still young, so probably not, but sometimes this can contribute to a decrease in sexual desire. You may also forget to tell her you love her the way you "used to" back in the day. Think about it :)

It could be one of those things, or a combination. The only way to know for sure is to ask her. She's supposed to be your best friend. Don't be afraid to sit down with her in a caring and supportive way and find out what's going on. Let her know that you care about your marriage and that you love her. You don't want things to go down the wrong path. Hopefully, she'll be upfront and honest.

Answer 3

It sounds like your missing something...in terms of getting whatever she needs or may be trying to communicate to you. The best thing to do is flat out take the time and ask her. Ask her something like, "honey I miss being intimate with you and I feel as though I am disconnected from you. What can I do to make us better?"
Ok, I know your reading this thinking this is BS but to a womans ears, this is heaven scent. The important thing to remember is not to blame, and LISTEN to what she says without interrupting. Also, get the book, "If Only He Knew". I wish every husband would read this. It tells you directly what a women is thinking and what to do about it. I wish you the best.

Answer 4

There's obviously something bothering her, which could be any number of things. I know you don't want to talk to her, but that's really the only thing you can do, unless you want to play guessing games trying to figure it out. She could be past her sexual peak, upset with your about something, or it may even been something else that is stressing her out and she's dealing with it internally instead of talking with you about it. Although it's possible she wants to get to know you more, I'm not sure if that's it. Unless, she feels like you two don't do enough talking and other stuff (like romance, snuggling, etc.). I would suggest talking with her and telling her that she can tell you anything, that you're here for her, and ask her exactly what she needs from you so the two of you can "get back on track", so-to-speak. You need to know if it's something between the two of you or something that has nothing to do with you. More communication can get you to the real truth, hopefully! Good luck!

Answer 5

Could be lots of causes,but one very possible is early onset menepause ,a discussion with her doctor might help ,determine if the issues are emotional or physicalogical, if it is some sort od 'depression, or domestic fatigue there medicines that really can help, and they can do wonders for early menepause also..tho whatever it is the best thing you can do ,at least short term, is be patient ,supportive and try to work thru it with understanding rather than pressure or looking elsewhere for pleasure..after all do you love her or just the sex?

Answer 6

THE BOTH of you have issues. I have read your other questions. WHY in the world would you both be immature and foolish enough to borrow money for a wedding? That was ridiculous and unecessary. Don't blame him that you BOTH want all kinds of things that you cannot afford and borrow from others for it. You are adults. You pay for what you want, not borrow. In addition, he was right.....the conversation regarding your argument COULD wait if he had somewhere to go. I imagine you made him wait to discuss it in the first place. The power struggle and competition for control between the both of you is ridiculous. Go to marriage counseling or just have it over with and get a divorce

Answer 7

You answered your own question. She wants to get to know you.

For us women, intimacy is about MORE than sex. We want an emotional and spiritual connection with our mates.

TALK to her!!!!!!! Share your thoughts and dreams and feeling and fantasies.

Let her know who you are on the inside. Make sure you tell her all the things you appreciate about her and your life with her.

LISTEN to what she says and do some of the things she will mention that will make her feel happy.

A session of sharing dreams while rubbing each others feet or backs will Reap wonderful rewards for both of you.

I just left a husband of 15 years because I had NO IDEA what he thought or felt or wanted. I tried everything I could think of to make him feel secure enough to talk to me and listen to me and connect with me.

He refused to let me into his heart and mind at all. He lives in his own little box and won't come out or let me in. I felt so hurt and unwanted, I bought a house of my own and moved out.

He didn't seem to care that I left anymore than he cared that I was there. That stoic "men don't talk" attitude SUCKS!

Answer 8

Women are not like men. They need their emotional needs to be met. They enjoy sex much better if they share an emotional connection with you. ARe you sure ther is no work/family stress? Been arguing lately? Finance pressures? Thyroid/ other hormone problems? Sometimes, I see my hubby doing lots to help with the kids, housework, but if I haven't had decent conversation with him about things that are important to me, it's hard to "get in the mood". I still appreciate his effort, but it's not what I really want all the time.
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Well, if you've communicated well with her, met her emotional needs, then I don't know. Maybe she should see a doctor. Might be hormonal problems. It does sound strange to tease you, but not want sex. Don't know what to tell you then.

Answer 9

she is probably dissatisfied about something, not so much w/ u but maybe at her job or herself. Also, PMS can be a factor.
sometimes we dont feel like doing it. but it sounds like she may be going thru something internally, so just be more into her brain for a while, she will not stay that way.
Hope this helps. and God bless!

Answer 10

leave her for me...some women as they get older dont think about sex as much. it is really common for a woman to go without and not think about it. just communicate with her that you want to connect with her and ask her to help you find ways to be closer to each other. if that doesnt work, you can always call me.