what do i do about my husband?

Question

me and my husband have been arguing alot lately everytime we get into an argument he tells me that it's his house and he pays all the bills. he acts like i don't do anything we have four kids one of them he had wih someone else and we only get her every other week thursday through sunday. i stay at home and take care of the kids including his daughter when she's there while trying to keep the house semi organized and he acts like he doesn't appreciate it he goes out hangs out with his friends and sometimes doesn't even come home untill 8am or 9 am he leaves work to go play pool and drink the only thing he has to do is work and go to school which i know is hard but i just feel like he is trying to push me away by saying the things he says to me i feel like its our house we are married so it's ours am i wrong for feeling the way i feel?

Answer 1

Yes, it is your house too. Try not to argue with him when he is drunk, is useless.
Try not to argue at all, specially in front of the children.
Try to just communicate with him. I was told once, if he is the fire, you should be the water that puts out the fire. Or, if one is stupid, the other one has to be smart.
Show him respect no matter what, you get the last laugh. Make God the center of your family.

Answer 2

He is going to school and that can be very stressful, he is probably just going over one of those speed bumps, college can be very depressing. I suggest you tell him politely, that you don't like the vibe he gives off that you are unneeded and that you understand that this is a stressful time and that you are trying to the best of your abilities to help, and if he thinks your not to please tell you what he thinks you should help more with. The next time he starts with the bills, you should say, i know you pay the bills, i know you are in school and I know that you are a little stressed but when you say that, it makes me feel like you don't need me and if that is what it is i can leave. That may help him see things your way. You are not wrong in the way you feel, even though legally it is his house, he probably wouldn't enjoy living in it at all without you, you may tell him that the next time he argues with you. You should also try going out of your way a little bit, maybe type up some of his notes for him as a suprise. Maybe help him with a project, I definitely think you should set a curfew/work system. Here is how it works, every day he is not home by um lets say, 8:30, you get a whole day of not cleaning or working whenever you choose. You could save them up and not work for a month and he will have to do it, he will see how you feel! I highly suggest trying this. The best thing about it is he will probably think "no big deal she won't work for one day!" and then he will see what happens when you don't work for a week or a month or even 2 months!!! He will see your side of it, this deal is only temporary until he sees your side of it. I hope this works!! :)

Answer 3

No! your not wrong. In fact your gut feelings are telling you what he's thinking and doing and your not listening. He's out all night with his friends, I'm sure trying to make new ones and that does not even come close to a marriage. He doesn't respect you or what you do and I'm sure at this point, doesn't care. If my best friend was home taking care of my home and kids while I was at work...I couldn't wait to get home to her to SPEND TIME WITH MY BEST FRIEND. Pretty cocky? not really, I'm sorry to say that I did the very same thing and some of my friends did the very same as your husband right before I divorced my EX. I was young and stupid for not setting my priorities right and it cost me a lot. Looking back. that was a tough learning experience. I feel for you that your feeling this way with your husband, it shouldn't be this way and you really need to talk and get this fixed or it (you) will end up WIth a lot of hurt feelings Note: He has to do his part which is the biggest part of this mess because he has made up his thoughts already. Look at it this way..A person crosses the line a lot more when there's not much to loose (in his mind) if he gets caught. There's a problem here and it it doesn't get fixed, it's going to get worse. the best of luck to you. P.S. make sure this guy is really worth working things out with. Most people are blind and confuse love with commitment

Answer 4

My moms' friend recently had this problem...

Her husband didnt want to work, and he just hung around his friends forever.. While my moms' friend had her 2 kids, and he had his 4 kids, She would be the one working... and he wouldnt....

She puts in about way over 45 hours a week working in the ER. She has worked her AS* off, while he sits around with his friends.... She also goes to school to keep up with her nursing, so thats an extra load on her... And the arguments were bad too....

So, my mom and I helped her move back in her old house she owned....

So, he kept her other truck, her house that was once her brothers', and he has had his phone shut off, his cell phone shut off, and everything else.... So....

It's not your fault.. Dont ever think it is.... It isnt.. You take care of everything at home... He should help....

My opinion? Seek a lawyer... And think about your options.. Maybe first do counciling, like they did, but it didnt work out because he didnt want to get along.. And if it doesnt work out, then go for a divorce.. You need someone dedicated to you, your kids, your feelings, your mind, body, soul and spirit...

I hope this kind of answered your question. I have to say, you and my moms' friend is in the same boat....

But, I'm here whenever you need to talk. If you want to. Whenever... And I hope I didnt push anything wrong towards you or anything....

and remember: ITS NOT YOUR FAULT...... He needs to be a husband to you.....

Always and Forever,
God Bless,
Gabby

Answer 5

It most certainly is your home as well as his.Everyone can have a house but it takes two to make a home.You and your husband need some quality time together,to bring back some of the spice in life.You have your hands full with four children as that is a full time job itself.Lot's of husbands thinks just because your home all day that you don't have much to do.Why don't you let him take the kids for a day and you go out and enjoy your self.Mabe he will appreciate you more after he has to deal with them with no help.Every family needs a day to spend together and do things.Why don't you get a sitter and you and him go out and enjoy one another instead of fighting. If he has time for friends then he has time for his family.He may earn the money for now but if you ever got a divorce he won't have money to go out and do the things he does now as child support can be hefty out of his check not to mention alimony for you also.Hope it doesn't come to that point.Changes need to be made for you two and I hope someone on here can give you better advice,Good luck to you and your family.Life is too short to fight love is better.

Answer 6

There needs to be mutual respect both ways.

If it is a true partnership, then it is not HIS home, or HIS money, it's the family home and money.

You held up your end of the bargain, you are raising his children and keep the home. It's very unfair for him to dictate that because he brings in the money, that you can't take equal possession over the home.

Contribution to a family is not monetary, while part of it is, there is so much more that needs to be done.

You need to sit him down and talk to him. Try not to argue, if he raises his voice, stay calm. Tell him how you are feeling, point out what your role in the family is and how you go about it.

You are not wrong for feeling how you feel.

Answer 7

I know exactly how you are feeling. My husband tries to pull the same tricks, and then some. He doesn't go out drinking but he sure makes me feel like I do not do anything. I am at home with our son and taking another year off because I am pregnant again. I take care of the house and our son, I cook and clean etc...
But where he is working and bringing in the money it is his and he can do with it as he pleases and says I should be happy because he bought me the house we are living in. It totally upsets me. I think they get frustrated, my hubby acts this way when he is stressed out. Never fails, I always know when something is bothering him because we go through the same rutine.
I have no advice really because I am still trying to figure that out myself. But I wanted you to know that you're not alone.

Answer 8

Explain to him that he's not the only one who's working their butt off to help keep the family okay. YOU'RE the one staying home with the kids, feeding them, making sure they take their showers, making sure they have their homework together, cleaning up their messes, etc.

Being a stay-at-home mom is harder than a lot of people think. It's really a full-time job. If he doesn't think so, maybe he should try it for a week. He'll be surprised at what a job it truly is.

Answer 9

Tell him this "Yea, well just keep that attitude up mister and I'll go visit a lawyer where this house will become mine and you'll be paying the bills by means of child support"! Than laugh! He sounds pretty mean though, you might not want the kids around and have one foot out the door for a quick escape to the lawyer! LOL

Answer 10

If you are married it is right to call it "our" house. Sounds like you have both dug your heels in and are refusing to listen to the other. You want him to recognise what you do at home all day looking after the kids and the housework, and he's wanting some appreciation for working hard at his job and bringing in money to the household. Maybe if you start listening, he'll start listening to you. Sounds like you two could benefit with a night out together without the kids...