My ex-wife (whom I still am very much in love with) is going away for a three day weekend with a man who used to be a friend of ours. What seems to make it worse is its on the birthday of our daughter, so she'll miss her birthday. She always was selfish am I wrong to still be in love with her. we've been divorced for two years..
2007-11-14 12:02:02 · 34 answers · asked by Greenguy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She just made the plans this week and the birthday is next week. She is going away to go to a college football game.
2007-11-14 12:17:59 · update #1
get over her NOW and have a good time with your daughter
2007-11-14 12:05:47 · answer #1 · answered by jim m 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Obviously one of the reasons that you are divorced is because of her selfishness. It is not wrong to be in love with her, I would say it is more of a waste of your time. It does not appear that there are any signs of getting back together. It has been 2 years and maybe time for you to move on. It is not right for her to be away for your daughters birthday, but as you say she was always selfish. She will still go make the best of it with your daughter.
2007-11-14 12:10:23 · answer #2 · answered by Patty 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You're in a tough, be it not too uncommon situation and I do feel for you. Yes, one would tend to think that she is being selfish by missing your daughter's birthday BUT what are the circumstances surrounding all of this? Which birthday? Her very first birthday would seem to be more important than say a 9th or 10th. Don't get me wrong, every birthday should be shared with both parents if at all possible, BUT maybe we don't know enough about the trip and why they planned it when they did either?
If you're still in love with her, you won't "just move on" or "get over it" like people will write here. That's just not fair and it's not that easy. Feelings are VERY hard to overcome or even deal with. Try to stay busier. Try and plan things to do that give you less time to think about her. Without wanting to get too personal, I have to wonder why you are divorced? Is there ANY chance that telling her, better yet showing her that you love her would possibly result in a reconciliation or is that door closed forever?
We do all tend to fall in and out of love. LOVING someone is longer lasting than being "in love" with them. So, if you're "in love" you CAN and WILL move on and get past it eventually. With time it gets easier. Like I said/wrote, plan some activities, take a class, get involved in something you've always been interested in and you'll be surprised how many doors open up for you!
We all have many more possibilities for happiness than we think and too many of us get TOO hung up on ONE PERSON having to complete us or one relationship making us happy. Put the relationship thing on a back burner for a while and fulfill yourself in all other kinds of ways! Seek out intellectual stimulation! Do physical things that will make you healthier, and do make your daughter's birthday as special as you can! I'm sure her mother loves her and hopefully took the time and care to explain why she won't be there for this birthday...
Good luck to you and do try and stay busy even if it's to take a cooking class or something crazy you never thought you'd do! Make new friends, male and female without it having to lead to a romantic relationship. It's fun! :-)
Good Luck!
2007-11-14 12:13:32 · answer #3 · answered by Fuzzy 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
It is not wrong to still be in love with her, but the fact that she is selfish enough not to be around for things like her own daughter's birthday shows that you are better off without her. Little things like that will eventually kill the love, although you may always have a certain type of love for her because she is the mother of your child. Go on with you life and try to make life wonderful for your daughter (she is the only thing that matters now).
2007-11-14 12:17:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
If you still love her, just be there to pick up the pieces when the other guy dumps her.
Make the day wonderful for your daughter - take pictures so she'll see what a good time she missed.
PS - if you want her back, you must not argue with her, but be agreeable, charming, pleasant, and fun to be around. More so than any other guy she knows.
I hope it works for you because this little girl needs both of you. Also, in the meantime, read the book Divorce Busters.
Joy to you!!!
2007-11-14 12:09:37 · answer #5 · answered by frillyfroofroo 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Well coming from a step-mom's perspective of a little girl... Her mom is very selfish as well.... I don't know how old your daughter is but as she gets older she is going to need your support and understanding double time because she doesn't get it from her mom. It's very important that you do still love your ex-wife to some degree bc you know the saying the most important thing a man can do for his child is to love their mom? That goes even after you're divorced... How you love/treat your ex will influence the kind of man your daughter gets involved with later...
Good luck!!
2007-11-14 12:44:40 · answer #6 · answered by stacg32 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You can't help the way you feel. She sounds very selfish though, I could never leave my child on their birthday. You are better off without a woman who is obviously so self-centred. Your feeling will change over time and you will find new love without still being hung up over your ex. Your daughter may need extra special attention on her birthday, she will feel abandoned and not important to her mother. You will need to pick up the pieces of your ex's selfish behaviour.
2007-11-14 12:09:51 · answer #7 · answered by violet 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I can understand being upset that she is missing your daughters birthday. However it has been 2 years from your divorce and as you stated this is how she Always is. I hope you can get past the "Love" you had/have for this woman and focus on being the best daddy a little girl can have.
2007-11-14 12:08:55 · answer #8 · answered by yellowcloudwoman 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
No your not wrong to still be in love with her but it isn't going to help you if you are putting your life on hold because of it. Obviously she has moved on and with one of your friends I might add so she isn't sitting around worried about you at all right? As far as your daughters birthday goes...one day when she looks back at what she missed she will be sorry...right now she is only thinking about herself though. I'm so sorry for your daughter but as long as Daddy is there she'll be fine.
2007-11-14 12:19:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
There's no such thing as loving someone being wrong. How you allow yourself to be treated is another thing.
Here's the bright side. You and your daughter get to invent a fabulous birthday memory, (remember they don't need to cost alot!).
At some point soon, though, I think you should ask yourself mercilessly: "What do I truly and secifically love about my ex-wife?", just to be sure you are not mistaking sadness for still-in-love.
2007-11-14 12:09:12 · answer #10 · answered by and_y_knot 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Wrong to be in love with her... sometimes we cant tell our hearts what to do and how to feel... but my question to you is what good is it doing you? Put those feeling that you have in a special place (if you cant turn loose of them). A place where they wont hurt you any more and try and move on. She has and its time for you too as well. So the mom misses the b day... just make it extra special for your daughter so she will know that your there with her. She will remember... good luck.
2007-11-14 13:44:39 · answer #11 · answered by deerlady2000 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋