Hi I'm Cameron and I wrote this poem with my sister and my friend so I hope you like it. It's sorta for this guy I like.
Here it is:
At school I see you everyday,
I wish that you saw the real me,
though I talk and you listen,
we're not as close as we could be
We're friends for now and that is fine,
Though I wish you could be mine,
Sometimes I hide away or run,
I think of you when the day is done.
2007-11-14 11:10:21 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Sweet. You could put it in a Valentine's card for him.
I would only change maybe the last sentence to read,
"To think of you...." instead of "I think of you...."
Maybe even put "Just to think....."
2007-11-14 11:20:08 · answer #1 · answered by Linni 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
nice
but...
try: I see you everyday at school,
and wish you saw the real me
and though you listen and i talk,
we're not as close as we could be.
and last line: i think of you when the day has died.
i would give it 7/10 as it is
2007-11-14 19:21:39 · answer #2 · answered by youdontknowme 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's just too sweet, keep it as is I give it a 10
2007-11-14 19:24:09 · answer #3 · answered by Wild1577 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i thought it was good the way it is i really like it i would not mind haveing that in a book
2007-11-14 19:18:40 · answer #4 · answered by Destiny R 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
awww.... that's so cute... i give it a 7 out of 10
2007-11-14 19:18:15 · answer #5 · answered by KaryyOut 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good. Instead of "day done" use "day gone*"
2007-11-14 19:16:33 · answer #6 · answered by geeks_gadgets 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
very nice--I like it AS IS.
2007-11-14 19:17:56 · answer #7 · answered by Mike 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋