Do you think buying presents for every family member is out of line?

Question

My Aunt hosts christmas every year, im required to buy a prsent for my parents, my sister, my 4 cousins, their 4 wives, their kids- 5 second cousins, my aunt and uncle.

Does anyone think this is crazy? I never see any of these people. We used to pick from a hat one person until a cousins wife insisted we stop and buy for everyone.

Quite frankly id rather not attend anymore being that im 26 and spend the day with my friends and spend money on them

thanks, yes the cousins wife insisted we buy for everyone, my Aunt is insisting on it as well.

I think its very wrong, i feel i dont want to be apart of it

Answer 1

I dont think giving to everyone is crazy, depending on what your family traditions are.. While growing up we do gave gifts to everyone in the family.. It's very tight on the budget but we do enjoy and look forward to it.. We also did that picking from a hat kinda thing aside from giving to everyone (with a certain budget on how much you have to spend).

If you are not comfortable and is forced to give gifts rather than you giving it whole-heartedly then I suggest that you tell your aunt that you wont be able to make it this Christmas. Its a season to be with family, gift giving and celebrate the birth of Christ but if you are forced to do it then you wont enjoy it at all. Dont give if you dont want to give. Free will..

I wish you an enjoyable Christmas

Answer 2

tbo,
I think it is way past time for your family to have a new vote, why don't you talk to others in your family and see if this is a burden on them also. Any time I want to win a battle, i was taught i should have a new answer to offer for the problem. In our family we do a game with gifts, you purchase a gift appropriate for either sex and all the gifts are put under the tree at the family get together, when you bring a gift you get half a ticket with a number or your name on it , the other half the ticket goes into the Santa Jar to be drawn as a lotterry later when it is gift opening time. The first person called opens the gift, shows it to everyone and then takes it and sits down, the 2nd person called opens a gift of there choice , opens the gift, shows it around so everyone sees what it is and then they get to chose to keep the gift or trade with the other person who has a gift. This goes on until all gifts are open and every one has kept or traded or "stolen" a favorite at there chance up to open and choose. The first person who drew is the final person to have a trade and get any present previously opened that they may want. This causes a lot of laughs and good teasing give and take, the gifts are usually betw $8 and $10 and it is important every one stays in the range so creativety is more important than price, no one has to buy $$$$$$$ of gifts and everyone gets to interact and have fun.. this could be used for just adults and children do theirs separate or kidz get from everyone.. we usually only play the "Game" with over 10 so they KNOW it is a game. and we don't have kiddy tantrums if someone wants to trade their gift.......
Now that sometimes we are at our RV club we play this same game with friends. It is a hit with all our friends.
Good Luck with your family and promise your self you will not be bullied by anyone into giving gifts to people you don't want to and don't know well enough to have a snowballs chance in Haiti of getting something they really want.......
If worse comes to worse adopt an Angel from the tree in the mall and tell them that is why you are not exchanging gifts this year. Tell them all soon enough that they can cross you off their list of useless gifts also........

Answer 3

There is a wonderful book called Unplug the Christmas Machine: A Guide for Putting Love and Joy Back into the Season, by Jo Robinson and Jean C. Staeheli. Much of their book deals with unreasonable yet subtle gift expectations. Their goal is to help you discover what kind of Christmas is most meaningful to YOU, and to celebrate Christmas reflecting your values.

Obviously you don't value having to get a gift for every person in your family. It can be an arduous task, and I don't blame you.

Twenty years ago, I used to buy presents for all my aunts, uncles, and first cousins, as well as for my immediate family. My gifts to extended family were inexpensive, and either practical, whimsical, or both: personalized toothbrushes, hand towels with one initial, a copper dustpan. Two events stopped that practice: I lost my job, and my nieces and nephew were born. I found giving to my sisters' children more important than giving to cousins or aunts or uncles. Oh, for a year or two I'd give the extended family homemade woven potholders or bouquets of silk poinsettias, but then I stopped. However, now that I have only two surviving aunts left, I've resumed giving to them.

Since I'm poor, even my gifts to my immediate family aren't too expensive: CDs, videos or DVDs, books, small toys, fruit-scented lotions or lotions soaps, and the like.

I don't think it's crazy to give a lot if you want to, but I do think it's tiresome to give more than you want to. It will take some courage on your part to stop buying for everyone, but I encourage you to stand up for yourself. Or, you can compromise and get everyone something inexpensive but thoughtful, such as books, CDs, movies, Hallmark ornaments, personalized pencils or pens, or homemade bread (small loaves) or cookies.

Since you'd rather spend the day with friends--DO IT, at least for one year. Maybe you can leave behind a baked dessert for your family to enjoy.

Merry Christmas!

Answer 4

We also have a large group, about 40 & everyone brings a gift, puts it in a stack, we pull numbers & 1st person chooses & opens a gift, the 2nd person can either choose a gift from the unopened stack OR take what he wants from what's already been opened.
it's fun & we usually put a 3 time limit so people dont' keep taking the same gift all night.
last year we put in a back cushion for a car seat, and a bottle of wine
the kids get gift cards for CD's, movies, etc..
have fun
they call it a Chinese Christmas

Answer 5

That's WAY out of line. I think you should talk to your aunt about it. Tell her you can't afford that much, and as it's insisted, you can't attend. Either she'll understand or she won't, but it's better than spending a small fortune for a bunch of people you don't even really know.

Answer 6

I know just what you are talking about this is how the joy of christmas gets wrecked, drawing names is a good idea you dont get stressed buying gifts for one person -

Answer 7

That is a lot of people. Get bigger, more meaningful gifts for the ones you are close with. like your parents or your sister and get everyone else something small. It is the thought that counts, so even something small but reflecting of who they are is appreciated and they know you care

Answer 8

With respect to your aunt, who is she to tell you what to buy? You know what you can or cannot afford. I agree with you. . . by all means do what you want . . . you have a life enjoy!

Answer 9

oh god yes because you will regret it in the long run and set a precedent FOREVER, plus some family members might resent it because they can't buy for all and reciprocate your generosity.

Answer 10

buy little things of candy like a bag of nice chocolates!! it won't bust your bank and everyone loves little candies or chocolates!

(P.S.-That is a lot of people to buy gifts for!!!)