i don't think i can do this anymore.?

Question

my boyfreind is starting to see his son again and i think he still has feelings for his ex, he was there at the birth, talks alot about her and hides pictures of them kissing

i would never stop him seeing his son but i dont no what to do. i dont want to be bitter towards his son but this is realy upseting me. please help! thank you , jess x

Answer 1

Perhaps he is not the one for you -- she will always be in his life as the mother of his child (even if only on the periphery) -- if that is uncomfortable for you, it's OK to move on to someone without that kind of attachment. It has nothing to do with your being a bad person or anything like that.

Answer 2

No matter how or what you will never stop the fact that 1- he fathered a son with THAT woman, 2- he will always have a connection with THAT woman. Forget the fact that she is the ex you have to understand that she is also the mother of his child and that will forever keep her in the picture. NOTHING you can do about it. If it turns out he still has feelings about it you need to know about it, know the extend of the feelings and if it really threatens your relationship then you tell him where you stand. But you have no right to ask him to choose between you or her, As the mother she will always win. Sorry.

Answer 3

He doesn't need to stay at his ex's to visit his son. He can pick him up, and you and him could take him for a walk in the stroller through the park, or even just around the block. This would offer his ex half an hour or an hour to herself (which new mum's really need). Maybe befriend her? Offer to do laundry, dishes, or bring over a meal to help her out?

Being a new mum is exhausting emotionally, mentally and physically. If the situation is a little tense, start out by offerring to do laundry (you can take it to your place without contact with her) and she will appreciate it, and if your boyfriend is 100% for you, he would feel too guilty [about you doing laundry for her] whilst he's hanging out with his ex. You could also offer that you, your boyfriend and his son could go grocery shopping for his ex, if she make a list, you three can go shopping together. This way he is spending time with you, whilst spending time with his son, and sending a clear message to his ex that although he's with someone new, he is going to be a devoted dad.

Answer 4

First, ask yourself if it might be all in your head. Just because a man wants to see his son, doesn't mean he has "feelings" for his ex. He talks about her because she is a part of his life as his son's mother - this will always be the case, at least for as long as he's seeing his son. So what if he keeps pictures of them... Most people have pictures of their past loves. If by "hiding" you mean he's keeping them out of sight out of mind, then he's doing the right thing.

If you can't handle a man with a child, then make a rule for yourself to never get involved with a person who has kids. Period. Although, it sounds to me like you simply have a lot of insecurity, and if it wasn't the son, you'd find something else to feel insecure about.

Answer 5

She will always be in the picture because they have a son together. I would be more upset with my husband hiding photos of them kissing!! Talk to him and tell him that he needs to figure out who he wants his ex or you. I would tell him how hurt you feel because he carries that photo around. Do not take it out on the stepson he is an innocent child.

Answer 6

Nobody likes to be in that position but if you don't confront him, you'll end up having problems with his son, even though he has nothing to do with it. You'll see it as he's the cause of all your problems. Tell your boyfriend to man up and tell you the truth on what's going on. Just remember, that if you decide to continue with your relationship with him, this is way things will be. You'll have to learn to deal with the jealousy you'll be feeling everytime he goes to see him. If you don't, it will keep creeping into the relationship and that will be the end of that.

Answer 7

cut your losses and leave this situation will never change . but you did know going in to this marriage there was a ex and a son , so you must take stalk and see what will make you happy

Answer 8

They have a child together, there is always a chance that he will have some kind of feelings for her. And you cant blame the kid, he didn't asked to be born, and he didn't ask for you to be in his life either. You should be upset at your boyfriend, not the kid, it isn't the kids fault his dad hasn't let go of the past. And if you cant deal with him having contact with his ex, then get it now. Because he will always have contact with her regarding their child. And you need to tell your boyfriend, that you don't appreciate him still having pictures of them together, and that he needs to get rid of them. And that you don't want to hear about her, he isn't with her he is with you.

Answer 9

Sounds like you have a boyfriend who was perhaps on the rebound when you met him. Which says, you may be wasting your time. Send him back to his X and son. Believe me, you do NOT need that sort of baggage in your relationship.

Answer 10

he defenitely seems to be affectionate towards his son and his 'ex'. You could be a good human and try to unite u'r boyfriend with his ex, by helping them resolve their issues--just think about that kid---wouldn't he love to have both his mom and dad with him , under one roof???

So it's better u leave u'r boyfriend so u can avoid all the stress he is bringing with him!