My wife cheated. What would you do in my situation?

Question

Got married when we were 20, now were 32. This has been going on over a year. At the time my wife met this guy, I guess you can say I wasn’t very appreciative of her. After 12 years you kind of lose sight of what’s in front of you. She told me their relationship never consisted of sex, sometime they would just hang out, and sometimes they would just kiss and have a good time enjoying each others company, that their whole relationship was like a vacation from her reality until this last encounter witch she said that they haven’t even talked to each other for months before this. She said they were just hanging out and started talking and then started kissing and things just got a little over board so he started to try to have sex with her and she thought that’s what she wanted too until he made contact and she realized this isn’t what I want so she pushed him off and started dry heaving, crying, and got physically ill. I believe her about everything because I made her swear on our children about it. I see all the pain and guilt shes going through. Things are good at the moment, we cant keep our hand off each other and our sex has never been better. It’s just painful to get flashes of them together from time to time.

Answer 1

Ooh, that is a toughy. Well, I would take her back due to the fact that she is showing signs of remorse and guilt for doing what she did. First, you must have her cut all ties with this gentleman. just ask her if that is something she would or could do for her. Don't make her choose. Tell her that she owes it to you and the kids to make this work. Generally in marriages lasting longer than 7 years, infidelity occurs. These are the main reasons the failed marriage category is so high: 1.Infidelity due to lack of interest, (partners often times get bored with the same things) ex. My favorite food is steak, however, put a steak in front of me every night for seven years and that steak loses it's appeal. 2. Build up an immunity to oxytosin, a chemical that makes you feel in love, and when touched makes you want to be touched some more. 3. Lack of appreciation, no longer give praise for things the other does, and compliments become a rare commodity. If you just communicate that you do love eachother, things will work out.

Answer 2

This is SICK !!!! Really truely SICK !!!

If this was a GUY that had gone as far and just as he's about to spike the gal, he feels bad and pulls out, then heaves and confessed all to his wife ......

HE WOULD BE GETTING CRUCIFIED by the women on this board !!! The fact that this guy is being told by some of the male posters to try and get past it, and call her and tell her he LOVES her when he has these visions - WTF ?!?!?

You people aren't men - you are mice !!!

Listen dude - the sex is good right now because SHE feels guilty and is trying to REPAY you for her wrong deeds !! Why wasn't she jumping YOUR bones like this before ? And I don't buy the whole, "we almost did it, but I couldn't go through with it and I got sick to my stomache" BS !!!

While I will not advise to kick her to the curb imediately, I would say you two are likely in a 2nd honeymoon phase of rediscovering your relationship. You still haven't fixed the underlying reasons she went outside your marriage to find comfort / intimacy in the first place. You need to work towards that.

Then, after the "passion" calms down, ask yourself if you can truely forgive her and move forward. Then you have to make the decision that is best for you, her, and your kids (if any are involved).

Do not confuse this passion as, "Everything is great and will stay that way."

I would have an EXTREMELY hard time getting past it. I'm a firm believer in once a cheater, always a cheater. Even if she didn't consumate the affair - she did have an emotional affair. It would take me considerable time (any many, many BJ's) to trust her again :)

Answer 3

Well, First Of All, I Am Very Sorry To Hear That. This Is A Delicate Situation, And Really, No One Can Decide For You. You Are The Only One, My Friend. You Know Your Wife Better Than Anyone, I Assume, And Only You Would Know If She Is Sincere. Best Of Luck.

Answer 4

First off you are a true man. How cool to be so open and honest and know your wife.

Second, as a real man, it's great you forgave her .. this is a road bump in your marriage .. well a pot hole maybe lol .. but as cool as ya'll are and ok now, still do/say/see someone about this to get it OUT .. if you don't .. even the tiny'est of feelings will fester and 10 yrs later you will be here asking what is wrong .. I forgave her 10 yrs ago for an affair, why can't we get along?! .. no bull sh!t here .. that's the real deal ..

Good Luck!

Answer 5

I think you need to sit down with her and talk about why she felt she needed someone else.If her reaction was genuine, then she obvious just liked the attention. As you said you were less appreciative over the years, heres a chance to forgive her, have her forgive you for your behavior and work towards finding the love you had when you were first married. You'll know pretty quick by both of your efforts if its worth it.
Good luck. Hope it works out for you two.

Answer 6

Technically eve though she had emotional times with this guy she called off the whole sex act itself and came crying back to you. i do believe she may have done this becuase you were not paying attention to her needs. I'm happy to hear that your doing better and I hope this doesn't happen again for your sake. If it was myself I feel if it were these circumstances I would give my wife a second chance.

May God Bless You and Best Wishes.

If she actually slept with the guy the marriage would be over!

Answer 7

Well if I were you I would stay with her for your children, but I understand what you mean about seeing her with another guy in your mind. I mean, it will take a while for your trust to come back, and she needs to understand that. She did it once, what will stop her from doing it again. I still consider when she kissed the other guy...cheating. If you honestly think she wont do it again, then its worth a shot, if not, don't put yourself through that. Keep your head up, it'll get better through time.

Answer 8

Well obviously she loves you and didn't want to go through with full fledge intercourse. She did have an emotional affair though, and almost did sleep with this man. You need to make her feel appreciated and loved from now on, thats for sure. Don't make her feel like she has to get it somewhere else. I think she truely regrets this. If you seem to be having good sex and feeling happy with each other, I think you have a good chance to reconcile. Plus, you recognize that you were not appreciating her while she was doing this. Just put each other first! and be honest!

Answer 9

EXACT Same thing happened to me. If you love her deeply then you have to force the thoughts out of you head. Trust me, they will always be there but it is really really bad if you bring it up. She made a mistake and you have to forgive and try your best to forget. Everytime it starts bugging you, do something like call her and tell her you love her or make her dinner or something like that. Like I said before, the thought will always cross your mind. There no way around that. Be there for her and your children, Make the most out of everyday, Love her and the kids and good luck.

Answer 10

So....you took her for granted and after 12 years of going through the motions she was swept up in the attention of another man and you have the audacity to come on here and cry the blues and state that you can't get the thought of the 2 of them out of your mind.
I feel sorry for you.
What she did was wrong but you are a selfish, self-centered man who reaped what you sowed.

Learn from your past and forgive her. Start anew and build a more satisfying future.