I have a strory to tell. It starts when i broke up with my ex boyfriend and rebounded with my current husband. i met him and less than 3 months got married to him. i was so eager to make this relationship work that i got an apartment and immediately got pregnant. the catch was he and i were from the same country so our families are somewhat close. once pregnant and making a good salary, he became dependent on me and pushed me to buy all the things in the apartment and do his school (masters) level and if i didnt he would stop speaking to me and become violent with me at any excuse. next, he threatened me to get him his greencard because his status was illegal(please dont ask how he was a student...the system is messed up). i denied him at first but sadly he became more violent, i moved out like he wanted and back with my parents. where i am from there is no such thing as calling the cops on your partner---i was too scared to be alone. i moved back with him and he hit me till i passed out and then made the story up to my parents that i took a knife after him. btw, i am 135 pds, 5'3 he is 200 pds and 6'3. i called his family and they made me feel like a liar and his mom defended him vigorously. i cried and cried and by then had lost 2 pregnancies one by miscarriage, other abortion believing i'd never go back. but i did after feeling alone and worthless. i filed his for his greencard...he told me that that was all he married me for)(and sat. i got PREGNANT again and this time convinced myself that with or without him, i needed a child and even if i left him, i wouldnt have the burden of marrying soon again to have children. recently he got his greencard and i felt and dying. i thought they would never give it to him because he lied and got caught by the interviewer. his greencard is a temporary one and i am 8 months pregnant and living alone right now. i have a few options, i can go to ins and tell them what i am telling you. he currently lives in my apartment and when he did get his greencard, he nor his family thank me. its been atleast 3 months since he has kissed me.
we had an argument about him being on eharmony and he told me to SHUT THE **** up! and that i am insecure because of the way he looks. i realized that he has no respect for women period. he has made me feel so ugly, worthless , defenseless and weak.
honestly, my parents too are going through a separation because my father also has made my mothers life hell. she is out of the country now, so you can understand my loneliness.
what will it take for me to be strong and let this animal go? I cant take antideppressant out of the fear hurting my baby. since marriage, i have not been abe to go pursue my law degree. i feel pathetic. he never will change...only for the worse.
2007-11-14 09:38:54 · 11 answers · asked by bluez 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Find a women's shelter in your area. Google it. Or, I know it's scary, but call a close friend and ask to stay with her. I know how it feels to be in an abusive relationship. You never think it could happen to you , then it does, and you feel ashamed, like it's your fault. You are not ugly, there is nothing wrong with you. Get out now, and time will eventually heal the hurt. Do it now before you have a chance to change your mind.
2007-11-14 09:57:08 · answer #1 · answered by magerk 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. That is quite a story. I am very sorry your heart has led you to this terrible place. Today, right now, you are starting over your life. Right now. You are going to pack your clothes up and move in with your mother. You could ask him to leave but he won't. Don't tell him where you are going or what you are doing. Do not report him to INS, just leave him alone for the rest of your life. He no longer exists. He is in the past. Understand? You are never going to move on unless you separate yourself and never ever speak to him again. No explanation needed because he will never understand what it means to be human. Then, I want you to start going to church every Sunday, pray every day, and ask God to change you and to change your life. The bottom line is He is the only one who truly loves you and He is all you will ever need. He can fulfill the loneliness and take away all the hurt. He can help you overcome this unhealthy attraction you have for this man. So put your life in the hands of Jesus Christ and let Him make something out of this mess. All you have to do is follow Him. Raise that child so it knows who God is too and doesn't end up like the father. You have a chance here to get away. You know what you have to do now LEAVE!!!!!!!!! And don't look back or speak to this man ever again. Only a court order about his rights as a father do you ever speak to this man. And only then with a judge and lawyer present in a court of law!!!!! But I seriously doubt he will. LEAVE!!!!!!! Go now!!!!!
2007-11-14 10:03:03 · answer #2 · answered by matt 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where you are from doesn't sound like where you are at.
At this moment,and I could be wrong but it's sounds as if your in the United States,{green card?}and if this is so then help is available...there are many places that offer comfort and security to battered women anywhere in the States,not to mention the protection from the police without their actual presence,like a restraining order.Girl,it is most certainly evident that you need to get the heck away from this loser,you hit the nail right on the head when you said he would never change and you are right.....I know,been there too,it will get worse.Deny yourself nothing even if it cost you the world with this guy, you deserve to be with someone who will love you and be part of you and this baby life.Set yourself free!!!!!!!!
2007-11-15 01:23:12 · answer #3 · answered by Sidetracked0260 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your right the abuse will increase. I was too in a relationship that was abusive years ago. I went to counseling to work through my feelings about the abuse and why I "thought" I deserved it. (Thats what these scum want you to think) Just remember you are not alone - this happens all the time to millions of women around the world. Just by recognizing the situation has gotten out of control is your first step. Get away, take care of yourself and your baby, get your law degree and everyday you will feel a little stronger and eventually you will see it was him that made you feel weak and helpless. Once you "escape" you won't have someone make you feel like that anymore. You are powerful and hold your future in your hands. And who knows - someday you could meet the man of your dreams that will treat you right- I did - IT CAN BE DONE!
2007-11-14 10:07:57 · answer #4 · answered by Sweet pea 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need a counselor. Someone that you can truly talk to about why you allow this man to treat you as he does. I'm afraid that you really don't like yourself very much. You must find a way to raise your self esteem. You must realize your own self worth. Look at all of the things that you accomplished to try to make the relationship work. Don't kick yourself because he's no good. Anyone can make a poor choice of a mate. He's the one that is not cut out for marriage. It's not your fault that he hid his true nature from you. Now you need to find a way to keep yourself together for that baby you are having. Don't worry about how he looks outside it's what's inside that counts and he sounds pretty shallow to me. He's a user and that's not what you deserve. You deserve better. You should be treated better and you do not have to accept whatever crumbs of affection he feels like giving you. No one should have to live like that. If you feel as if you have to physically defend yourself from this man it's time to end it. People do not change unless they really want to. He has no reason to. He's getting everything he wants being the way he is.
2007-11-14 09:59:05 · answer #5 · answered by kalischild57 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are so many things wrong here I wouldn't know where or how to begin. \
But this I can tell you ....an abusive relationship is bad and you need to do what ever you have to to get away from him and his messed up family. There are women's shelters all over , get on the Internet and find the one closest to you . They will have people there that can and are capable to handle all of your issues . I am sure you aren't bringing them anything they haven't seen before . Most importantly they can help you . They will not judge you .
Please go.
2007-11-14 10:32:14 · answer #6 · answered by purplewaterhorse 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is there a battered woman's shelter or hotline where you are? People who are battered like you tend to hang in there. They think things will get better but they never do. You need to meet some other women who have been there and done that who are past where you are at. Get out of this relationship. It is doing you no good.
2007-11-17 11:24:34 · answer #7 · answered by Simmi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know of any statistics being out there but from personal experience i can say that men do change!! My hubby and I went Through this situation and he drastically change! Men can change only if they want to and of course if they love the person enough to be willing to change.
2016-04-04 01:23:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What country are you from? Don't you have an older brother, my ex brother in law hit my sister once so I put him in the hospital. He sorta fell down some stairs. He was really nice after that. Pray that he wakes up dead one day.
2007-11-14 09:52:18 · answer #9 · answered by iceman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get to a therapist ASAP. Also Find a good church and get closer with God.
God Bless and Best Wishes.
2007-11-14 09:52:33 · answer #10 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋