Is it bad to expect your husband to be able to make ends meet?

Question

We have been married for 5 years now. I know there is and expectation of rough riding when first married. I am not a person that needs things. I wait years to buy clothes! I only feel it is fair that I hold up my end of the deal that he hold up his. I was a career mom. I had a great job. But after our second child daycare costs outweighed the money I made. My husband silently has made it were I do everything but work. Finances, Cleaning rearing of kids, dealing with home problems, Like home owners Assoc, Collections, Making sure all bills paid I mean Everything. It was just assumed if I did that, that he would make sure he brought home enough to cover bills, doctor visits, medical that stuff. Clothes for growing boys, food, house payment. Well he cant =(. He does really great for a few months then nothing having to hope they dont take our house. He is in the same job, Dealer Salesman for an Auto Parts Company. So its not because he cant keep a job. AM I WORNG? Please Help

I used to have to push mow my yard, untile my dad bought a new self propelled and gave me his old one. I take the cars for all thier maintenance including his. So yes I do It ALL

All of you guys have given great help. I was wondering if there are any moms out there that have been able to work third shift and stay up all day long with the kids? My hjusband goes to work from 6:15 in the morning untile about 7:00 every single night... So I cant work second shift.. PLease help. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

No ure not wrong. But he needs a lot of understanding too. Im sure youre very frustrated since your position at home is an ongoing process everyday but being in sales is not a guaranteed stable pay through out the year. Stand by his side and ask him to help out at home too when he can.

Answer 2

Yes that is so terribly bad you...just kidding. >8P

No this is not a bad thing. As a matter of fact I believe that it should be the man's job to bring home enough money that it is enough to support the family and himself. If you want to work that should be your decision and he should support you in that. However, he should also give you the option to be a stay-at-home mom if you would prefer to do that. There's a reason men are generally stronger then women. Men were made that way because they are suppose to carry most of the work weight. Honestly, if it were possible I'd even take the developing baby of my wife's stomach and put it on mine so she wouldn't have to do it then get a C section because I love my wife that much. I'd do anything I possibly could to make sure my wife is treated like my queen. However there is a big difference between the king and the queen. The king of a kingdom is the one who actually has the final say in his kingdom. The queen however can advice and support any decisions the king might make. Watch the movie 300 the Spartan movie. Watch how Leonitis had to make the decision on how to save his people because he was the king, but before he made his decision he went to his wife, the queen for advice. That relationship is a prime example of how a marriage is suppose to be. So your husband is suppose to be the "ruler of the house". However, he is suppose to come to you to see what you think. Not that you're say is higher than his. But your say might persuade him from his original decision and he might decide to listen to yours. However, just because he goes with his own idea doesn't mean he didn't listen. Perhaps he knows something you don't not a secret necessarily, but perhaps he's making a judgment based on what he's seen and it's possible his idea actually is the best idea. Sometimes it's hard to tell but some things you either go with one or the other. If one fails most times you can try the other. So bottom line is talk to him, compromise, and remember you married him because you loved him and he did the same for you. If he wanted another woman he'd be with that one. LOVE HIM! ;)

Answer 3

Get a part time job in the hours he is OFF, so daycare isn't an issue. Raising kids is getting more expensive all the time, and you need to contribute MONEY rather than complaints.
If you had such a great career, how about you go to work, and let him be a house husband?

I worked 3rd shift for YEARS while my 3 kids were small....One of us was always here to be the parent, and I didn't have to PAY for daycare, or rely on someone ELSE to raise my kids. I sacrificed sleep, but my kids are now happy and productive members of society.

Answer 4

I don't think it changed our relationship a lot. I have a son from a previous relationship who is 5 years old. The son that my husband and I had together is about to turn 1. I think my husband is more family orientated now that he has a son of his own.

Answer 5

Is there away you can help him out and stay home.. Like a stay home job or daycare in your home? I can't say your wrong for expecting him to keep his end of the deal but honestly it takes 2 to make ends meet anymore. I am the mother of 3 and work full time as a home health aide not much pay but my other half makes great money.. but it does take 2 of use just to make ends meet..

Answer 6

You know, you coul dactually BE a career mom and take care of other kids in your home. Babysitters are always in need, and you still get to be a stay at home mom.

If this is the job he had, and the kind of money he made, when you got married, then it is wrong of you to have ever expected it was going to get miraculously better when you added more mouths to feed and you stopped working.

Don't beat your husband down for doing the best he can. Find ways to supplement, or to trim down in the expense department. Maybe consult cccs.com

Answer 7

Are you able to move to a less expensive area (with him getting a job transfer)? I moved from California to Oregon and found it to be much less expensive - and not the pressure to dress fashionably, etc. No sales tax on many things, too.

Can you start a home business like a licensed daycare to help with the shortage and stay home with your children?

Are you really adhering to a tight budget? Can you cut your grocery bill by cooking healthy inexpensive meal like beans, lentils, instead of expensive fatty meats? Check out frugal.com for recipes, menus, inexpensive gifts, gardening, etc. Shop for clothes in thrift shops, for groceries in discount grocers, food bank, etc. Can you raise money you need with a garage sale? Avoid debt like the plague that it is.

Try to think of your homemaking as an art - it helps.

Joy to you.

Answer 8

It's not wrong to assume he should provide, but it IS wrong if you demand he do it perfectly.
You have clothes for your kids, right?
You have a home, food on the table, phone, electricity, heat?

As long as your home is happy, money problems shouldn't be that huge of an issue. My bf is horrible with money, and we've had several instances where we didn't know if we'd be able to make ends meet, but our home is safe, secure, and stable.

I know you want the best for your family, or at least to make ends meet every month. Ask him how you can help him provide.
A few bits of advice that you can use (since you can't get blood from a turnip, you have to make the best of turnip juice):
* See if you qualify for the food bank.
* Shop very frugally for clothes (you said you wait years to buy clothes, so you're one up on that). Get hand-me-downs, shop at the thrift stores, etc..
* Apply for SCHIP for your kids, or medicaid to cover co-pays and doctor visits for the kids (sometimes they'll cover your work insurance payment).
* See if you can refinance your mortgage, car loan, etc.. to get a better payment.
* Call your phone and cable companies to see if there are any deals they have going currently that you can take advantage of. (You have to call, they won't advertise them!)

Good luck - I know where you're at. We're going through it too.

Answer 9

The economy is pretty bad right now. If he's in a sales related job and business is slow....well..what do you expect? People don't have money to buy parts, dealers don't need more stock, he takes the hit on his paycheck. My husbands job is feast or famine too. You learn to save up when the money is rolling in for slower months. You are only wrong with seeing the bigger picture. Things are pretty tight right now for everyone. The gas prices have made everything else go up as well. There are economic factors too numerous to mention. It seems like you are blaming it entirely on your husband which is wrong. It's time for all Americans to tighten up and then go get MAD about everything that's going on in our country. I have a feeling it's going to get much, much worse. You are married, you work as a team. Work with him on this, not against him. He is not the enemy.

Answer 10

More and more often it's not enough for only one parent to work. if your kids are in school, there's nothing wrong with you getting a part or full time job, just make sure your husband understands that he has to help around the house if you do. If he honsetly can't support the family, then you either work or go bankrupt. We do what we have too. Both myself and my fiance work, and in our case, I make alot more than he does but it's not enough to raise a family on. Not anymore.