I wonder what is going on?

Question

My husband and I were fine and we just got into a huge fight over money! He turned into the meanest person in the whole world! Cussing screaming calling every name you can imagine! He even got in my face and told be he @#$%&# hated my pathetic guts! All this because we don't have as much money as he expected. No fault of mine either I work 2 jobs to his one. My question is this? does someone that turns on you like this really love you? I would like to know. We've been together for 20 years and he has done this in the past but never this bad.

Answer 1

Money is still the number one reason for problems in a marriage and the cause of most divorces.

Money is tight everywhere now and inflation is eating the insides out of many people. Look at the number of forclosures on homes now. I think they said 1 in 4 homes now in California. It is causeing many to be at the breaking point because the out go seems to be way over the in come and it is going to get worse.

Your husband feels the strain and he has a wild cat by the tail and doesn't know what to do with it. He is sencing failure and men are not geared to failure.

The two of you need to sit down and formulate a plan and a budget that is realistic. Downsize as much as possible even to selling your home and getting into a smaller less expensive home. Drive your car longer...mine is a 1988 and still gets me down the road as long as it is reliable I will drive it. The kids might not get everything they want for Christmas either. Forgoodness sakes don't fight it will only make things worse...instead plan it out. Credit cards are a millstone! quit using them except for dire emergencies. Pay them off as quickly as possible and get rid of them except for one.

Believe me your husband does not hate you...he just doesn't know what to do with the mounting bills and not enough money to pay for it...He is only frustrated and cant find his way out of the hole he feels he is in. Calmly help him out and you will find he will return to his old self again..He does love you!

Answer 2

You've been married 20 years and he is only now acting out ? have you always worked 2 job's while he's always only worked 1? Have you been budgeting your money in the 20 years before now and managed to survive? what did he need the money for that would cause this abrupt attack of abuse?

For something like this to happen out of no where and for him to blow up there is a deeper issue here and it's not the money I'd wonder more if I were you , what is he up to you dont know about? gambling? alcahol ? drugs? cheating? guilt at the fact your working 2 jobs while he is only working 1 and he feel inadequate so he's taking it out on you ?.

Its a harsh thought but you need to know if any of the above are the cause these attacks dont come randomnly sorry.

Answer 3

Econimical problems are extremely stressful, I know that for a fact. He is reacting due to the pressure he's having. Of course you don't deserve to be treated in that way, but it does not seem that the way he acted has to do with the fact he does/ doesn't love you. The two of you have to put your energies in finding a solution to your situation. You need to make a list of your earning (yours and his) and determine how those earnings are being used, so you get a visualization of the "problem." He might realize you are pretty much speding your earning on paying bills, and he might appreciate even more your efforts. Perhaps he needs to find another job if he wants to spend more money. Tell him how this situation makes you feel, and that you want both to live together for another 20years...

Answer 4

Boy Tabby,
I don't have a foolproof answer but let me offer a couple of opinions:
1. Maybe there is an underlying cause for his anger other than the money problem. Money problems can be among the worst but sometime something like this can be just the spark rather than the real problem.
2. Maybe you could explain to him that mutual respect is the basis of any succesful relationship. I have also been married for 20 years and my wife and I have disagreements ocasionally but we never lose our respect for each other.
3. My heart goes out to you and I hope you can resolve the problem.

Answer 5

Oh honey! This is typical when arguing over money. Most men feel pressure to be the providers in deep in his heart he feels horrible that he isn't getting bacon on the table.

I doubt if it is more than frustration. I been through it...every month when my husband pays bills he's a Di@k.

Best thing is to bring it to his attention and tell him straight out your in it together and please refrain from the hurtful words as you are both trying, he's not alone.

he keeps it up, seek a marriage counselor

Answer 6

Why are you working two jobs? He's blowing up at you about money , You need to find out where his money is going. He's probably doing something you don't know about. That money is going somewhere or to somebody. Talk to him about why you are working two jobs. Put it down on paper and show why you are working two jobs.

Answer 7

He's probably under some stress that you are not aware of and therefore he snapped at you. You mentioned you have been together for 20 years...yes, he still loves you. Maybe after he has calmed down and you are not upset for the name calling ect., you guys can sit and talk about what just occurred.

Answer 8

Something is very wrong and it isn't you.

In my personal experience, when a man blows up and has a response that is totally irrational, he's trying to take the attention away from him and he's done someting wrong.

Why are you working 2 jobs to his one??? You are the woman - if anybody needs to work 2 jobs, it's him.

I can't answer the love question.. do guys REALLY ever love anyone other than themselves? I mean REALLY when it comes right down to it. Sometimes I wonder.

Answer 9

Honey, you have a problem. He is abusive. No person in their right mind would EVER talk to someone they love like this. He has issues that he need to resolve. If he has never hit you before, watch out. This is a sure sign. Believe me, I use to be a counselor at a battered womens shelter. This is usually how it starts or escalates. You need to pray. If you don't have a relationship with God, you need to get one. God is the only one to change hearts and minds. Be careful and prayful. God Bless

Answer 10

yeah of course he still loves you. its just really surprising seeing the real angry side of someone you're close to. we all have a side we rarely show to people. and money sure is a very fragile subject to fight about. dont start question his love for you on such an impersonal matter.