Should I Be Honest???

Question

I have been married for nearly seven years. The marriage has had a lot of bad times with us nearly splitting up on more than one occasion.

Through it all I am at the point where I have lost my desire for her sexually and the best we do together is to tolerate each other.

I guess my question is should I level with her and tell her my feelings for her are not as they were and I feel like I'm living a lie staying married to her "happily"? Or, should I keep my mouth shut as telling her these things would make her unhappy and we would most likely divorce (which is no fun) ?

Answer 1

BE HONEST!

I've just learned that after years of feeling like you do. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, and I didn't want to put the kids through a divorce, so I pretended to be happy for years. I realized that trying to keep everyone else happy was making me miserable. And, as the saying goes "When Momma aint happy, aint nobody happy".

Think about it - you are right, divorce is no fun, but neither is what you are doing right now - tolerating each other.

What ever you do, don't wait as long as I did - we're ending a 21 year marriage during which I was unhappy for more than 10. He was 'shocked' when I finally told him all this last spring.

Good Luck

Answer 2

I honestly think you should just be honest about the relationship, it is not healthy to keep that kind of things to yourself, but i'm pretty sure she already knows. it seems like you too are too scared to even start the conversation about it and rather avoid it. Keep in mind is your marriage and you guys haven't got that far for nothing...if you think or feel something special for her even though you guys may not feel the same way for eachother, you should seek advice from a counselor...if there's hope, therer's a chance... good luck!

p.s: you should also try changing a few things, don't get stuck up doing the same thing over and over again...make it interesting and fun,. spark up the relationship if you know what i mean

Answer 3

Instead of dwelling on the bad you need to try and find the good. If there is no good then try to make it better. Ask her if she would like to start all over again. Start doing special things for her and she should return the favor as well. After being married for so long we forget to make the other feel special and loved.

Answer 4

I think that u should tell her but not in a "I don't want u anymore way" maybe the both of you need to take a weekend to go out and do things ya'll use to have fun doing together and see what happens from there.

Answer 5

You should talk to her and get things out in the open. Maybe you two can work things out, maybe not. At least there was some open communication and an attempt to make the marriage work. Good luck.

Answer 6

I hear you but do you hear yourself? it sound like you are mix up because it sound like you care about how she is going to feel about the news. Let me answer you how did this affair start? Was it something you wasn't getting @ home alot of time we allown are emotion to make life difficulty for us, why I ask because it would have been better if you would have talk to your wife first to see if it was something that the 2 of you could have worked out instead of bring someone else into your marriage.

Answer 7

Picture yourself five years from now. Are you still living this lie successfully? How about in ten years?

It's a long life- don't keep her around if you aren't giving her the love she deserves and if you are not getting the love you deserve. Try counseling, see if your relationship can be saved. But don't just keep it to yourself.

Answer 8

No!!! You made a vow to commit your lifeime to this woman. Your children deserve both of their parents.

Go to counseling and to your minister and make it work.

Don't look at porn or other women - it steals your heart away from your marriage partner. Give her a day at a spa where she can get pampered and massaged and money to go buy herself something pretty. If she feels pretty, she will be more sexy.

Call her darling, sweetheart, babydoll, etc. and introduce her to everyone as Miss Universe or My Beloved Bride. Treat her like the Queen of your house and she will respond.

Give and you will eventually get.

Joy to you!

Answer 9

It's really something you need to talk to her about. If you're feeling like this, she has a right to know. Maybe you would benefit from marriage counseling if you don't want to divorce. Good luck friend. Hope it all works out for you.

Answer 10

You are never going to have a good marriage unless you are up right and honest about everything.... Why would you want to live in misery for the rest of your life.. and her too...