Why do I keep taking him back?

Question

My partner and I have been together on and off for 3years we have a daughter who is 2,and I also have 2 children from a previous marriage.The thing is our relationship has always been volatile and passionate we are always splitting up and getting back together.There are times i've sworn I'd never take him back after things he's said or done,but I do.He has been violent before pushing,etc.But then again so have I although mainly in defence.But this weekend he punched me straight in the face,I have obviously thrown him out,and I don't want him back,but I'm scared I'll weaken again.Please I know I should get tough but I can't,I just want coping strategies when I feel I am weakening.

Would like to add the violence has never occured when kids were here,I'm sure in time it would have, but just wanted to explain they were never there.

Answer 1

I have been in a horrible relationship for many years, and believe me, I have had the punches, shoves kicks, verbal abuse all alcohol related. I hate the site of him and hope that one day, someone will give him the belting of his life. I have twin daugthers who are fourteen and a half and although he has never harmed the girls, they have listened to the goings on, which has not been nice for them. He will start when I am in the kitchen and normally corners me and if I say something he doesnt want to hear, he will become abusive and agressive with me. I have had him arrested and the last time he through me around, the police charged him. He has still not learned his lesson and thinks because I have put up with it for so long I will keep continuing to do so. I have stayed out of fear and loss of self asteem. I was bubbly and out going when I met him and worked in a pub as a bloody good bar person. He got jealous of anyone even talking to me and so I use to get the abuse going home in the car, like it was my fault for being sociable. I gave it up in the end, thinking things would improve our relationship, how wrong I was. Alls it has done is made me a hermit and I dont want to go out any more, especially with him. We dont have a sex life anymore as I cant stand him coming near me. When I tell him I dont want to be with him anymore, he tells me I as not right in the head and should go and see the doctor and then all the abuse follows. It will not get better, he will not change, I know it will be hard but I am at the stage where enough is enough. I keep looking in the papers for houses to rent, but some of them are too expensive. Keep intouch and let me know how you are getting on. Dont let him back however sorry he may seem, He will be sorry for the moment until he gets back in the house again, then it will start all over. Trust me, I know. x

Answer 2

Start a journal and be specific with things he has said and done to you and things you disagree with. When you feel like you miss him or try to justify things for him take out your journal and read everything!!! You'd be surprised how much you might forget. Every time he makes you cry, after every fight you have with him on the phone or in person, as soon as you can write away. I did this with one of my ex's I kept taking back and that really helped me remember why I deserved so much better and how much of a jerk he was. No matter how many times he comes crawling back saying he's sorry he'll always go back to the same ways!!

Answer 3

u keep taking him back because u have no self worth and somehow believe u deserved this. they claim a woman will take a man who abused them back 7 times prior to finally leaving them. join a self help group of others who are also hurting, as u will need a support system of understanding people who will guide u through this horrific time in your life. no one deserves abuse, and if he gets away with this it will just continue maybe become worse as time goes on. he sounds like a very angry man who needs help, who was most likely this way when u met him only u didn't see it. start to pray for the answer, and know that god loves u even if he doesn't. took me a long time to get over being treated badly by a spouse, and finally realized there was a power much larger than any of this. u have to begin with loving yourself and when u do u will begin to see that his behavior just doesn't fly and u need to cut all contact and begin a new life with someone who will respect and love u.

Answer 4

In my experience, people only do things that they get some kind of benefit from. Maybe you like the drama, or like the idea of being in a victim role. You'll never break away if you can't get honest with yourself about why you keep putting yourself and your children in what you know to be a dangerous situation.

Take advantage of social services- a shelter or intervention group. They can help you work through it and get yourself and your kids out.

Answer 5

You keep taking him back because you feel that he is the best thing you've ever had. If you felt you deserved better, you'd be gone. Maybe, when you end up in the hospital with a broken jaw bone, you might wake up, but for now, you'll probably keep going back. You might want to consider getting some kind of life insurance for yourself.

Answer 6

You don't need coping skills, You NEED TO GET HE HELL OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP. He will never change, and you are the only one who can take ownership of your and your daughters life. Consider this, if your daughter is seeing the way he treats you, she will think it is normal and will more then likely seek relationships with men just like him. Be a role model for your daughter and leave him.

Answer 7

if hes violent and you take him back your letting him know its ok to punch you in the face and its not ok but if you do feel yourself getting weak think how you would feel if he hurt one of your children, you would never forgive yourself, so always keep that in mind and dont let this man back into your life no matter how many times he says sorry, in this case sorry isnt good enough

Answer 8

Nobody can really help you in this case but your self..if you are going to stand for that. You shouldn't have to think you should of had enough...what more is going to happen that you need to get the point that this guy is a scumbag. Have more confidence in yourself to stand for that crap. Be strong. MOVE ON.

Answer 9

Cos you ain't being kind to yourself
Babe I've had 2 like him and trust me it is down to your lack of confidence and self-esteem
I'm not just saying this but if you are weakening then mail me and we can share stories about silly men
Be tough

Answer 10

Just keep reminding yourself what he's done to you. Also get yourself some counseling. It will help you cope with this and perhaps teach you how to be strong when it comes to him. Good luck sweetie. Been there myself.