How to survive a sexless marriage?

Question

I am a guy and have my needs. I am 25 and this is killing me. I am not going to cheat but it is almost like being starved of air. The physical side of the relationship is currently dead in my eyes.

A female just doenst know how hard it is for some guys to go through something like this. I can understand why a man would cheat.

Answer 1

Swinging is the way many couples choose in these situations. Of course both partners have to agree with it if it's to work.

Answer 2

I can totally relate! I'm 25, my husband is 33 and can go forever without having sex, and if he doesn't want to have it, we're not having it. It sucks, huh?

Have you tried talking to your wife about it? Does she know that its creating a rift in your marriage? If so, is she willing to look at the situation and try and come up with a solution that will work for both of you? Communication can be the key to solving things like this.

If nothing changes, you can always do things on your own, or if you decide that you can't deal with a sexless marriage, you may have to end it. I don't condone divorce, but I know that everyone's different and values different things in a marriage. If this becomes a big enough issue and you can't find a compromise, you may have to make this decision.

Answer 3

I feel you brother. First off, talk to your wife and let her know how you feel. See if there is anything medically wrong or if there are some underlying psychological or social issues that could be the cause. If it is just "laziness" then both of you need to work at it. Initiate it. Maybe she is just wanting you to "be the man." If she rejects you then ask why. If she has a legitimate reason then take it and at least she now knows that you want it. If it is constantly this way then talk to her some more. Find out why. Maybe explore each others fantasies if boredom has set in and see if there are any that you would be open to doing. If all else fails.....there is always internet porn and Jergen's lotion.

Answer 4

As a female perspective who has had the same thing happen in her marriage. I understand where you are coming from & sadly my husband did end up cheating. What I wanted was to feel loved, to be hugged, listened to etc. I didn't feel we had a bad relationship but I didn't feel "close" to my husband. And I wanted desperately to be. I didn't understand the desires of my husband until it was too late, and I wish he had made things more clear and had given me a chance.

My advice: 1) try to tell your wife how you are feeling, make it very clear what your needs are, because this is serious. And see if you can do things, romantic things to get closer. 2) if after that things don't shape up, be prepared for the consequences because cheating will change and possibly end the relationship forever.

Hope this helps, all and all, your wife probably loves you dearly and doesn't want to be alienated from you either. She just needs some attention to come around.

Answer 5

Just a little helpful info. about your wife. Chances are if she is withholding sex it is because she does not feel close or intimate with you at this time. Have your heard the saying: Great intimacy starts during the day before it ever reaches its sexual peak at night. The two of you obviously need to reconnect on an emotional level again, before the sexual part of your relationship can return. Spend romantic time together, talk and really listen to each other. Start with good communication, physical touching and intimacy during the day will surely lead to a little excitement in the bedroom at night. Your relationship may even be better because you are now aware of each other's needs. Good luck to you both!

Answer 6

Is it dead just because she refuses or is there some other problem? have you tried to get her to go to counseling with you? If she is not willing to work on this problem with you to change things, I don't recommend cheating but you shouldn't have to live in a sexless marriage and therefore should get out so you can be free to meet someone who is willing to meet your physical and emotional needs, Good luck ; )

Answer 7

This is not a normal condition of marriage, there has to be physical intimacy or you are just living a phony lie. I hope you will find a professional person to talk to and eventually find your way into marriage counseling. Your mate may have some issues that need to be looked at. You shouldn't suffer another day so make a call and get your marriage on track. Best of luck to you!

Answer 8

I think you need to figure out why the physical side is "currently dead." If you can figure out why, then you can work out strategies to improve it.

Maybe you just need to turn the heat on a little and get her going. A sex therapist might be a good resource, but there's a few books out there that can give some suggestions. Sounds like you two might just be in a rut right now.

Answer 9

Well some religions are sexless in practice.
I don't see how a marriage can survive with out
sex relations.I'm sure she has reasons not to,but
it's not fair to you. you have several options and you must decide.you can file for separation.Or file for a divorce on the grounds that the marriage
was never consummated.it could be that the
marriage could be ANNULLED.

Answer 10

geez.....you're 25 and already in a sexless marriage? what the heck is going on? did she just have a baby? are you guys arguing a lot? is she having problems with her hormones? is she exhausted from work? have you discussed any of this with her?
i would figure out why this is happening...there's a reason and you've got to find it if you want it to change.
i admire your commitment to your marriage and i'm sure this is something you could work through if you approach it properly
till you find out the definite cause, be sweet, loving, do things around the house, meet her needs, kiss her gently and just love her with all your heart with no sexual pressure...that might bring her around ( i personally can't stand it when i feel like my bf is being sweet to try to get sex...yuck) so make sure you're being sweet because no matter what you love her...

Answer 11

You can FORGET all these "spice it up" and "just talk to her" suggestions - they mean well but that's as obvious and lame and vague as it gets. Plus, you know you've already done everything you can in all those areas.
she won't be changing - ever. mine - been to doctors, counselors, you name it (i have never even suggested she talk to someone. she used to care about it so she went on her own).

I am super romantic, never pushy, don't focus on it, don't mention it, never bring it up, have long since stopped initiating, never talk about it, backrubs without sexual touching, foot rubs, hand-made gifts, candles, gifts, soft music, softer lighting, do all the chores, remember dates & anniversaries, blah blah blah. NONE of that helps, so no offense but don't believe those people.

Here's the trick - find stuff that is interesting to you, doesn't remind you of sex, and is engrossing and time-consuming.

My favorites:

* movies - go ahead. ask me anything.
* learning how to and perfecting your grilling technique (seriously!)
* learning how to make mixed drinks - and drinking lots of them. Martinis are a favorite of mine. Go to Yard House and start a "Beers I Like" database as you drink your way around the bar a few times.
* cigar-smoking - learning how, trying different kinds, etc.
* poker - I have actually finished in the money in a couple of small tournaments
*craps - ya gotta love vegas, baby
* novels - some favorite authors: John Sandfod, Elmore Leonard, James Lee Burke, Dick Francis
* and believe it or not, fantasy baseball.

Find your own "hobbies", and just learn to forget it. I still think about sex and remember it wistfully and crave it and it makes the pit of my stomach ache about once a day and it's been 12 years of no sex for me.

You just slowly learn to substitute the frustration and hurt and rejection with other things.

Good luck, my man - it's a huge uphill battle.