Why do I get the feeling about my husband Ex?

Question

we have been together for a year now and married for 5 months. I was virgin when I met him and he was not. But sometimes I think of his ex sexually involved. I see dreams that she is calling him. I feel so insecure. I love him. And its not that i am jealous of her but I feel like my husband loved her once and he enjoyed every year of his life. I know that it was his decision. he told me once that If I met him when he was young we would be having sex 24/7. that made me feel that he was having sex with her a lot. I don't want to think about it but sometimes I feel so hurt and bad that I am not first for him. And he did all the things with other women that he is doing it with me. How do I don't think about that. believe me I don't want to think about that. His Ex was virgin 15 yrs old when she met him. he was in really good shape. He was exercising a lot which he don't do it now. I don't want to think about that. But sometimes when I see him I think that he was somebody 's else before me

I don't want to think or imagine but I can't control my thoughts sometimes. He is a very nice guy. I love him also. But since I didn't went through this thing may be I don't understand. She has a myspace account. They were together for 7 yrs. I know its a long time. She cheated on him. But why do I think about that. Why can't I just close the chapter.

Answer 1

these feelings are very normal. if he liked her better he wouldn't be married to you, would he?he was young and stupid, and you played it smart, he should value that, and the fact that you love him, and would never cheat on him. don't be self concius!if you were around back then, he probably would've gone for you, don't worry!! hope this helps!! ; )

Answer 2

You are going to drive yourself insane thinking like this. You need to STOP once it starts. Just say that to yourself. When you feel those thoughts coming on in your mind say STOP and immediately think of something else. Why are you punishing yourself? For what? You did the right thing. You did nothing wrong. He is married to you! Not her. So what if he did things with someone else. Now he does them with his wife. That's the most important. It's not that you were the first that's important. It's that you're the last. I'd rather be the current love than some old news. Look at it that way and stop beating yourself up, girl. It does you no good, it does no good to your self esteem either. You're his wife. Be proud of that and love yourself first and foremost. And don't bring her up to him! It's just putting her into his mind and why should you do that? It's not even real. He loves you.

Answer 3

O...K you need to find a way to ditch those heavy thoughts! Seriously those kinds of thoughts, that type of thinking will destroy your relationship in heart beat if you keep that up. I don't even know how you would combat that. Maybe take some psychology courses or something like that. Get rid of that thinking soon!
Maybe you need some blood on your hands too. Try having an affair with someone else. That way you'll have experience with others just like him. Then you'll have guilt and no excuse to feel insecure.
Seriously again DITCH THOSE EVIL THOUGHTS GIRL!

Answer 4

Don't feel so insecure about it. It's in the past and in the end he chose to marry you right? Plus, he's probably stopped working out because he's comfortable with you. He doesn't feel like he needs to look his best all the time and impress someone. Though he should probably work out for health reasons. Don't tell me you still shave your legs everyday and cake on the make up. Look, everybody has a past. You don't get anywhere if you keep thinking about the past. You won't be able to enjoy tomorrow if you can't forget yesterday.

Answer 5

What does his ex have to do with you? Why are you wasting your time thinking about another woman? That really makes no sense. Almost everyone has had relationships before they meet the person they are going to marry. That's how we find out the type of person that is going to make us the most happy, through experience (not sexually just personality wise). He sees qualities in you that he doesn't see in anyone else, that's why he is married to you. He loves you and wants to have a relationship/marriage with you and only you. If you preoccupy your thoughts with crap like that then you are going to give yourself a nervous breakdown. Just realize that you are his wife and that he wants no one else but you and that's why he is married to only YOU.

Answer 6

Believe it or not no one can ever say they have never thought or felt like this before....It's not that you are jealous of his ex or even thinking about her about...Just because you know that he's with you and has chosen to marry you doesn't make your feelings less than they are...It also have nothing to do with insecurities..I am not a jealous person nor am I insecure...I have felt the same way about my husband that you are feeling and sometimes when you connected with someone you are in love with you tend to wonder how is that love any different from any other times he has loved...What makes you different than the woman he shared seven years of his life with?? The fact that she cheated and that you wouldn't even think of doing that to him is not enough not to have you thinking...Sometimes it just doesn't make any sense...I have come to the conclusion that love ONLY exist when you are with that person..Once it's gone either you are loving someone else or vice versa.... Either way someone is telling someone new about his or her past...My best advice for you is try to focus on you and him...Live in your moments and create new lasting memories for one another...You are so much deserving and better than to reflect on whats not important like his ex...That is just what she is...Something that eventally fades altogether.....Be well...

Answer 7

I think your jealously is getting the better of you. Try to assume the best when your husband compliments you (which is what I think he was trying to do with the 24/7 comment) and leave it at that. Otherwise, you'll probably have a self-fulfilling prophesy on your hands, and your husband might be driven to do the things you are obsessing over.

Assume the best, and the best will likely happen. Seek counseling if you find you can't stop obsessing over this issue.

Answer 8

Sex creates a soul bond between two people. That bond is being picked up by you. That bond must be renounced verbally by your husband. You should pray about a way to get him to do this. It is something that you must do together. If he refuses then he still has the bond. He has married you and owes his allegiance to you now. Whenever this thought bothers you you must get this verbal assurance from your husband that this ex-bond is broken until it doesn't bother you anymore. But be tactful or your husband will get weary of having to do this repeatedly. This applies to anything that your soul has bonded with that interupts your relationship. You need to do the same for him. A married couple need to reinforce their commitment to each other until it grows so strong that nothing comes between you except Jesus. I suggest you both get biblical training and if necessary counseling. Call 1-800-759-0700 if you have more questions.

Answer 9

This is a very real issue for you and I can understand. I know it is hard but think about this: No one ever wants to think of their loved one having intimate relations with someone else but most have. Your husband loves you and chose YOU not her. Also, every experience he has had in his life, good and bad has molded him into the man he is today. You love him for who he is, right? Therefore, you cannot be upset about those experiences. Besides, he had no idea that you were coming into his life so you cannot fault him for things he may have done in his quest to find you. Remember, he was with her for 7 years. If she was the right one, he would have married her. Be confident in who you are and what you have to offer. This woman from the past holds no threat to you.

Answer 10

marriages work because people talk to each other. your worries don't have to make perfectly logical sense. but he can't do anything until you let him be involved. SOOOOOo first think what you want to talk about. Think about how to state the problem or question. By spending time thinking you'll put you'll build your question in a way he can unnderstand better and respond to. And your conversation can become very constructive. Communication is always the key and the more you two do it, the better you'll get and the better your marriage will be.

Answer 11

Jealousy is a cold hearted mistress that is better left unvisited. try not to think about it, these feelings can lead to a great many problems in a marriage the least of which is wondering what he is doing. you can either do one of two things, subscribe the dont ask done tell theory or sit him down and ask him everything and get it over with. the latter will ruin your relationship forever.