So I guess no sex for me.....?

Question

I'm having sex troubles I need some help please! My husband thinks he suffers from PE and we've laughed about it sometimes and moved on, well at least that's what I thought we were doing till a couple of days ago when I noticed that he wasn't excited about having some. I started to think what the hell is going on? Kinda mad, kinda frustrated but I thought he'll get over it. So I got up the other day to do some homework on the computer, back-tracked a little bit with the arrow and saw a lot of porn websites, I felt like my blood was boiling because even though I don't mind him watching porn, I don't want to see any of that on the computer and of course I was mad because I wasn't getting any but he was watching porn on the net. Anyway, he says that he doesn't want to have sex with me because he is embarrassed about finishing too early and me not finishing at all. It happens sometimes
I'm not going to lie, but I think we are both quick. I love him and want him but

he feels inadequate and says that he would rather me doing me by myself and him doing himself. Now am I wrong to think this is bullsht? Because I think that if you love your wife and she is fine with the sex that you're having why stop? Is not like this just started happening, it has happened before but like I said, we are both quick so I've never had a problem with it. And I've never complained about it, I think is something else and he doesn't want to tell me. What do you think? am I being paranoid?

Sorry guys i couldn't decide, thanks everyone for their answers! =)

Answer 1

Time for counseling. This is not normal or healthy.

Answer 2

Hmm, this is a toughy. Well, I would say that the best possible solution to this would be to try some other things. Is he into 4 play at all? Maybe you should even start watching the porn together? There are even adult stores around with toys and such that you could both enjoy exploring together. I definitely don't think that the solution is for you both to just "do yourselves" so to speak. Sex is supposed to be something that draws you both closer to each other. Now he probably is telling the truth if he feels like he isn't satisfying you, and maybe that's where you need to have a conversation. If he is embarrassed about his situation, he needs to understand that you are there to be encouraging and that you want and desire him just the way he is, as you said, as his wife. Then maybe you can both discuss some things that you would like to do sexually that you may not have done yet to make it more exciting and pleasing for you both. Use toys on each other, or set up romantic scenarios (or just ones like the porn he likes to watch) to let a few more sparks fly. Bottom line, you both are going to have to compromise here. The problem doesn't seem to be that you don't want to have sex with him, it seems that his self consciousness is just pushing you away a lil. Try to talk it out or even bring up some things that you could do together to make the experience more pleasurable and fun for you both. Keep trying! The sexual portion of your married life is still a very big and important part of your relationship, so you definitely don't want to lose that all together. Besides, if love is there, things will work out!

Answer 3

Wow what an awesome question! I personally feel you both have got to talk about this and find a way to get around this problem. If you both 'finish' early then why don't you make your sexual activities last longer. Start slowly and do all the nice caressing and touching and stuff like that. If one of you orgasms early just carry on as if nothing has happened (like no screaming and **** like that), if it was him that has orgasm-ed early just clean it up and keep your slow caressing going until he is erect again and then go for it! If he has 'come' already it takes a lot longer the second time in an evening so you both should be able to finish close together.

If porn is 'pushing his buttons' then maybe you could dress or act slutty for him?? (Just an idea)

Maybe some of his friends have inadvertently talked of there sexual prowess and when he learnt that they can last a lot longer than him it has stuck in his head and now he feels somewhat inadequate? Who knows?

A lot of men finish early sometimes, its more often because they're so excited to be getting some!

I hope your sexual life improves it sounds as though you're a very loving & caring person. Good Luck!

Answer 4

I would say you have to help him in his insecurities. Some time guys have problems or image problems and how they see themselves in bed. He is putting a lot of pressure on him self to satisfy you. So instead of feeling inadequate in bed he rather not do it at all? The porn show he wants sex and is thinking of having sex but remember he is probably comparing himself to a porn star. That not good because its the movies! and Fantasy. Tell him how much you want him play with frank and beans and see the flag rise to the occasion. then you should have all the quick sex you want to do. if its quick so be it. you will both get a better have longevity when you both have sex more often the more sex you and him have the better the both of you will get and have longer sex.

Good luck

Answer 5

So much of the male ego is wrapped around sexual performance. Chances are that he is embarrassed and feels like less than a man. THerefore he is turning to porn because you can't disappoint a movie! This does not mean that you have made him feel this way, it goes way beyond the now to the time of junior high locker room jokes.

Keep communicating in a non-judgemental way, keep assuring him of your love and sexual interest. Ignore any and all visits to porn sites except to let him know that you would appreciate if he did a history and file delete after he was done.

Answer 6

maybe he laughs but I think it may have planted a seed that has grown to be a plant in his mind feeding insecurity he already had. Talk honestly with him let him know you aren't happy about not getting any meanwhile he jerks off to a computer. How the hell does that help the two of you? It doesn't it's just planting the seed of insecurity in you that will grow too to be a plant. There are doctors and therapist that can help the two of you I may suggest you make those appointments before your relationship ends over joking that never really was :(

Answer 7

sorry to say this but i is more common then anything he has no problem getting it up when he sees othe rpeople havign sex its called porn addiction i don't see anything wrong with men looking but when it is affecting the bedroom then sweetie you have a problem and he might not even know it the first thing to do is spice things up well i see that you know what he has been watching role play get all dressed up and give him a dance men like to watch they ain't like us who love the romance and if that doesn't work he needs help and if he doesn't want help then i would find someone that wants to be with you because staying with someone that has that problem will hurt the relationship and make your self esteme go down and that isn't the problem he can't get it up unless he is watching porn and either way that would not ride with me i mean ok i have my days that i don't want it and he does i would reather him do that then leave and be with someone else wise you like but try the first thing and let it go from there

Answer 8

Tell him that the best way to get over PE is to practice with you. If he is worried about you getting yours, then have him do a lot of foreplay/etc before you even get into full blown intercourse. There are all sorts of techniques that you can do to hold him off.

Don't worry so much about the porn either. All guys look at porn! For some reason there is just this weird urge they have to look at other people doing it, even if they have someone to do it with RIGHT there.

Answer 9

well there are two things come to my mind. one is get some counseling. secondly, that you have to built his confidence up in that department. Now, he have to be willing to go along with it or it will not get off the ground. make it a game, called it I do you and you do me. You do him first and show him how much he make you feel so sexy and etc for him. Just work him over until he arrive. Then he return the favor by doing you, moan for him as he work you over. once you raise and fall for the mountain, re ensure him that he was great and move it to the next step. one on one, got it! sound like he need his confidence up and you are the one who can do it. Get him done!

Answer 10

wow! I cant possibly imagine the frustration your going through. if it is you say your'e comfortable with the sex, there shoul'dnt be any reason why he still refuses. I think i finds more pleasure in pleasing himself. You both shoould sit down and have a serious conversation about this. Let him know you have needs. I doubt he would'nt like if you were to go out and cheat on him.

Answer 11

I have similar probs....suggest you talk to your family doctor now before the porn becomes an obsession as it has with my husband. We have not had sex for 10 years now, yet he is still affectionate with me. We have separate rooms.....his idea....and he locks his door. I feel soooo cheated. Good luck!