me and my husband have been together for almost 9 years we have two kids together 5 & 7. he cheated on me with a fat ugly *****. i love him so much and i'm still trying to forgive him, but its so hard to forget.
2007-11-14 07:49:37 · 18 answers · asked by Jessie A 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow. I can't believe it.. My husband cheated on me with a fat ##### as well, after 9 years, and WE have 2 kids. Wow...
In MY case, I forgave him. First and foremost, he was sincerely sorry for what he did. Also, he confessed it to me - I didn't "bust" him. Then came the other reasons - kids, money, house, that fear of starting over with a new man who'll probably end up doing the same thing, etc, etc.
So far, I am so glad I decided not to leave him. We're so much closer than before. We had to talk and talk and talk. Basically I asked the questions and he answered. I had to know EVERYTHING - and I mean EVERYTHING. If I didn't ask it would still be in the back of my mind and I would never move past it.
I also wanted to know the WHY. For him, it was an ego thing. She made him feel like he was perfect - the best thing around. He liked that feeling. It reminded him of how I used to be. Of course, now he realizes all relationships start off that way. (dummy)
So ask yourself - Is he sincerely sorry for what he did? Did he learn from his mistake? Is he willing to do whatever it takes to repair the relationship? If the answers are yes, then I would say you made the right decision. We ALL make mistakes. We all fall. It's what we do afterwards that count.
Now today - 8 months later, I feel so much better about the situation. I can actually think about it w/o breaking down in tears. I don't think about revenge like I used to. I believe him again when he tells me he loves me. And believe it or not - I almost trust him completely again. It's a struggle at times, but remember - anything good worth having should be worth fighting for.
Hope it works out well for you...
2007-11-14 08:15:16 · answer #1 · answered by gatsgrl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you love him...but the question here is does he have as much respect and love for you, as you do for him?? Because if so, he wouldn't of cheated on you...with that fat piece of garbage. Why would he want to do that to his mother of his children? It's hard because you love him, you have made a life together with children. Cheating is NEVER OK to do. They say once a cheater always a cheater. Once they do it, their more likely to do it again. I have been in the same boat many of times. They will cry and be sweet as pie to you, say it was a mistake, that they will never hurt you again. It's all bull....I hate to say that but it is the truth. You can maybe forgive, but you will never forget and that right there will haunt you. You will never be able to trust him, due to the fact of that you will fear him doing this again to you. Your mind will never be at rest. Everything he does will be a question, if you want to forgive him that;s up to you. You know your husband more than anybody, you will also know if you can gain back the trust he broke, and if he will not do this again. Just please do not be made a fool by him, if he does do this again.....pack your bags...he should be on his hands and knees thanking god your there now. Last, talk to him about it give him a warning that will scare him. I wish you best of luck!!!
2007-11-14 08:18:47 · answer #2 · answered by mommy08 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was reading this magazine for men and it was talking about the reasons y men and women cheat. The answer it gave for men was that men cheat for self esteem reasons and midlife crisis. Which a lot of the time it has nothing to do with the partner. As far as what you should do about the situation. Is defintatly go to family counseling and personal counseling. ( helps a lot) and try to hold it together for the kids. But if he does do it again then look for a way out.
2007-11-14 08:07:59 · answer #3 · answered by th1gurl23 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if you should have left him. Only you could answer that. He cheated, that was wrong I am sure you are very hurt however, you tend to be more upset with who he was with, regardless of what she looks like in your op ion he is the one who cheated, and lied. For all you know she might have thought he was single. I do not believe you can ever forget, only you know if you can forgive and trust him again.
If he is not truly sorry, and asked you to forgive him, in addition to going out of his way to make things right again, then no, I would leave him.
2007-11-14 08:33:44 · answer #4 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will never forget, so don't even think that's going to happen. You may need counseling to get over this hard part. It's possible to have a good marriage again after one partner cheats. It depends on the depth of your relationship and your feelings and trust for each other. If you can still trust him (in your heart) there is hope.
2007-11-14 07:57:27 · answer #5 · answered by makeloans2 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Has he ever cheated before ? You must ask him why, What was or is the problem that he cheated. You do have to follow your heart because if the marriage is not a good one that is not healthy for the kids. Just as a divorced isn't good. One has to be better than the other.
2007-11-14 08:05:11 · answer #6 · answered by Holly C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, you probably should have left him, but alot of women don't especially if they have kids or if they don't have jobs.
You're not going to forget the fact that he intentionally lied to you and that he slept with another woman. You're going to be living the rest of your life looking over your shoulders and wondering when he'll do it again. The second affair is always much easier than the first. And, if he didn't respect you or love you enough the first time, he probably won't the second.
2007-11-14 14:37:29 · answer #7 · answered by Sondra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may forgive him...but you'll never forget what he did. He cheated on YOU so you shouldn't feel guilty at all about leaving him. Do you really want your kids to think its alright to treat someone like dirt and they should just take it. You need to look out for yourself and your kids now...don't even worry about forgiving him right now...do what you need to do for you and forgiveness will come in time.
2007-11-14 07:55:41 · answer #8 · answered by beaners1229 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well Jessie, you're a more forgiving soul than I would be. To me, there's no way I could live with a man who cheated, even once.
While you may forgive him, you'll never be able to forget his infidelity. Any time he's late or can't account for his time, you'll wonder.
If you intend on staying with him, you'll have to really put it out of your mind, and not keep reminding him of his mistake. That will just drive him to other women for sure.
Good luck...I hope it all works out for you both.
2007-11-14 07:56:29 · answer #9 · answered by Barbi T 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
before we got married my husband "almost" cheated on me. he didnt actually have sex with her. but was going to. it was so hard for me. i still think about it sometimes. i cant forget. but i have forgiven him. we talked about it alot. there was something wrong in our relationship and we needed to talk about stuff and fix it. but we are fine now. no relapses or anything.
2007-11-14 08:02:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋