what do you think?

Question

okay i have a three month old and a crazy boyfriend that we have been together for seven yrs, we are common law married. We have been falling apart latley and i don't know if staying together for the baby is worth it because I love her soo much. He is angrey towards me most of the time because he has a.d.d without medication, so its uncontroled and I know I can do better for me and my baby. His family has a past history of child abuse, he gets SSI because he can't care for him self because of a mental disorder, all of his siblings and him were takin away from thier parents for a few years when they were younger because of unfit living conditions and abuse. His brother and wife have child protection services watching them because of child neglect with their kids.My family and I have no past record of anything, just love and care, What I want too know is do I have a better chance getting custody of the baby or him? He thinks he does, what do you think?

also i do house work, my part time job, i care for the baby all day and night, take care of bills, myself, i have no free time my time is all for the baby, she is my life

he works but don't help with ANYTHING

Answer 1

I can't imagine any judge giving a father custody of a 3 month old unless the mother can be PROVEN unfit. You certainly don't sound unfit. File at paternity action to ensure you get child support and dump the bum.

Answer 2

I don't think that staying with someone you don't love for the sake of a child is justified even if it wasn't in these circumstances. I think you need to break it off with him, because you don't love him and you're worried he'll hurt the child. You seem like a lovely mother.

The only thing is I am concerned that you will not be able to look after the baby if she has the mental disorder and temperment of her father. It could really depress you without the proper help. It sounds like your husband might be Autistic to some extent, which can be genetic. It is going to be hell looking after your child if you don't have the support of friends and family, you'll really need it. And I doubt that her father being around all the time would help it at all.

As the mother, you'll most probably get custody of the child, I don't see any reason why he would get it. I don't believe you've done anything not to deserve the child.

Answer 3

Well, at least your eyes are open now. Too bad they weren't when you thought you were saving this poor guy.

Honestly, you probably have the best chance at getting custody, assuming that you are fairly normal and don't have any mental problems yourself. If you can move in with stable parents or some similar enviorment (grandparents?) the court will likely prefer that as well. But, don't fool yourself. If he fights, he will undoubtedly get visitation and probably every other weekend. Maybe more. If you luck out and he decides not to fight and seems to lose interest in the whole family thing, try to get him to sign away his parental rights. Quite often, offering to relieve him of any child support obligation will help to achieve this. If he is truly as bad as you say, your daughter does not need this man or his family in her life. And, the next time you decide to hook up with someone, don't pick a project to rescue. Take the dull guy making over $100,000 a year, in a stable job, with moral integrity. You will grow to love him far more than the guy you left and your daughter will have a future worth growing up for.

Answer 4

You don't have to worry custody. Since you were not legally married you have custody automatically. The whole common law thing means nothing for custody, support, insurance etc.
All of these things have to be ordered by a judge. Therefore you are the sole custodial parent by default.

As to the rest, get out now while you still can, and take the time to examine why you made the choice in partners that you did.

Answer 5

that's a tough question without knowing you guys. if he has shown reason to fear for your daughter or if you feel abused and he won't get help, you might need to leave. but if he hasn't done any harm yet and might benefit from counselling (which he might do if he knows you leaving is the alternative), then that might be the way to go. no one here should be jumping on any bandwagon and telling you what you have to do because no one knows you well enough. i wish you luck- i would pray about it- only God knows what you'll need in the long run. you might get a feeling one way or the other what is best

quasimoto_ what's wrong with you??? you have been negative in every answer- don't let your bad day affect everyone you try to "help"

Answer 6

I think that you are wrong for marrying this guy first and foremost. You must have known about all of his problems from the beginning and the fact that you are on this site telling all his business and making him out to be this horrible person in front of total strangers is very vile. He might not be marriage material but you chose to marry him and create a child with him so he can't be as bad as you are making him out to be. You are the one that is at fault not him. His family problems and mental problems were present before he even met you and married you so that says a lot about the type of person you are to have the nerve to marry and procreate with this man. Take responsibility for your own actions instead of painting this horrible picture of this man to complete strangers and doing it in a manner that prohibits him from defending himself. Take responsibility for yourself and grow up. You are wrong for doing this to this "mentally disabled" guy. Get a life and some sense.

Answer 7

I think you need to get yourself gone from this situation.

Look, I know for a fact that abusers rarely change, and they pass their behavior patterns on to their kids. Simply put, you are almost always like you were raised. Don't believe me? Ask any foster care parent...they'll tell you abused kids almost always are abusers.

Take your daughter and get away. You are NOT married to this man, and as long as you can provide a decent place for you daughter, most judges won't take her away. I do suggest you find a very good attorney before you take action, and get your ducks in a row before you take legal action.

Good luck!

Answer 8

why on earth did you have a baby by this guy? You have to prove that he is an unfit parent. Just because he's been taken away from his parents when he was little doesn't mean he's unfit. His family drama doesn't make him a bad person in the eyes of a judge.

Answer 9

Move back home with your family temporarily and then get an attorney. You'll get custody of the baby and your BF will have to pay child support. Next time be more selective in who you you choose to be your baby's father.

Answer 10

And this is a guy you choose to have a kid with? I'm trying to decide who's the bigger loser in this situation. How the heck did you think this was going to end up when you first started going out with this guy? Frankly I think this is one kid that would be better off in a foster home. If you've been with this loser for 7 years, I wonder what the next guy is going to be like!