A friend of mine asked my advice about a relationship problem he's having. He girlfriend of nearly 2 years broke up with him last week. She claims her heart is hurt and she needs time to heal. From what he explained to me and what I read in her blog, she is hurt because of arguments they have had. He would become frustrated with her not listening to him, and he would raise his voice. She seemed to not understand how his level of frustration had increased or escalated due to situations. She seems to think he was being mean just because. So during this time of break up (about a week and a half now) they have still be talking on the phone, hanging out with each other, going on dates, and even kissing. The only real difference is they are not sleeping together. He had been living with her, but is now staying somewhere else. She let him keep his key and he comes over to do laundry and stuff with her permission.
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2007-11-14 07:45:24 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
So I told him that if she really needed time to heal, she would be taking time to herself. I said she would distance herself from him, so she could regroup, realign, do whatever it took to get her mind and emotions straight without his presence and influence. But nothing has changed except for their sleeping arrangements. I read in her blog that she's so much happier with him now because they get along so much better as friends. I told him he should explain to her that it's not because they are friends but rather than he's trying (and he is REALLY) trying to win her over, patch up their relationship, and change himself into a better partner for her. I told him that if she believes the difference is the fact that their just friends rather than him making changes for a reason, she will continue to keep their relationship as just friends.
What do you think?
2007-11-14 07:49:18 · update #1
Not that much time has passed. It sounds like they are not addressing the issue. I would suggest to him that he be straight up with her. Tell her that he would like to work this out, and he would like to know how she feels about that. If she says that she needs time, then give her the time. Ask her what kind of time she is thinking she may need. (If she says six months, then you have to ask if you want to continue like this for six months.) Ask questions so that you know how to deal with things. You can't deal with anything if you don't know what it is you have to deal with.
Who really knows why she broke up with him, but is still hanging out with him, unless he asks. If he is satisfied with her answer, then he can carry on and work to restore the relationship, but if he is not happy with her answer, then he needs to decide whether spending time with her as he is, would be better spent some place else.
2007-11-14 08:00:27 · answer #1 · answered by Trevor McKinney 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, you gave the right advice. He should let her know that he wants her back and that he has been trying lately. If she gives him the speel about needing time again then he should say that he will give her the time that she needs and she knows where to find him when she's ready. He should give her some distance so she can actually feel what it would be like to be with out him in her life and make a real decision as to whether their relationship is worth saving. Believe me, once he leaves her alone, she will want him bad! We all know what "make up" sex it like.
2007-11-14 15:57:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel you were wrong in your advice. She obviously had hurtful feelings and by distancing herself from him intimately allowed her to detach deep emotional feelings and deal with the issues on a more intellectual way. Women she are hurt by their guy do not feel any desire to become intimate with him because it only makes her feel used. She wants to know he will reconnect with her and work out the issues without complicating it with sex. My advice to you will be to leave him and her alone to work out their problems on their own. I know you meant well, but you already saw that she was becoming more happy and you still advised your friend that being friends for now is not a good idea. Just know, a guy that can make his girl happy will sooner or later end up in her arms being shown love and appreciation.
2007-11-14 16:20:38 · answer #3 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's taken the first of many steps to move on. The best advice for your friend is recommend he also move on.
It's over and their post-break-up puppy-love ain't gonna resolve anything.
2007-11-14 15:52:46 · answer #4 · answered by Level 7 is Best 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should....ahhh...naw...that'd be rotten.
Never mind.
2007-11-14 15:49:46 · answer #5 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋