Should a 12 year old be allowed to dress how they want?

Question

My step-daughter is 12, she has been honor roll for years, she is very responsible, respectful, and does her homework first thing when she gets home, then chores. She recently asked if she could dress a certain style (I won't reveal the style, but it's not provocative or offensive in any way). She does not want to get any tattoos or piercings or anything like that, just a certain style of clothes. No skin is being shown or anything like that either. My decision was to allow her to dress this way and express herself. She was also told that if anything starts to change regarding her attitudes, grades, etc. this will stop and she will go back to her normal clothes.

Answer 1

i think that sounds reasonable as long as you feel like she's dressing appropriately and she still keeps her grades up. adolescence is a time when teens need some room to find out who they are and while dressing a certain way may not make sense to you, if it's something she wants to do and isn't harming her, it's perfectly healthy. and chances are whatever this phase is will pass in a couple years.

Answer 2

There's the joke - "What are the hookers supposed to wear, now that the 12-yo's are dressing like that?".

But seriously, if your 12-yo wants to dress the way she dresses, that's her choice. As a parent (or sort of...) you are the judge as to what is acceptable or not. So you get to veto any choice if you think it's too much - too revealing, too gaudy, or too provocative.

If she asks why - the answer is, because you are the parent, you get to decide until she's on her own or 18, and a family is not a democracy. Having said that, if it's what everyone else wears (hopefully you see her friends from time to time) then it's not like she stands out as the worst.

If it's just a matter of fashion taste, then let her make her own choices. Your job is to stop her from being too revealing, not too unfashionable. (Although you can give her your opinion in a friendly helpful way...)

Answer 3

I was allowed to choose my own clothes at that age, but my mom had veto powers if something was too grown up or otherwise objectionable. I think it's fine. Though certainly curious why you won't reveal the style, since this is pretty anonymous, and anyone who knows you personally can tell just by looking how your kid is dressing. Because if the style is say, "Goth", whereas she is wearing mostly black, etc., she could be attracting the wrong kind of friends. It wasn't too long ago I was in school, and most of the goth kids were into drugs, as I know for a fact because I was friends with a lot of them. Just consider what message she may be inadvertently sending with her style.

Answer 4

Within reason I say yes, a 12 year old should be given some leway on how he or she dresses. They're getting to an age where things are changing all around them as well as their own bodies. I would draw the line at anything permanent (tattoos, piercings other than ears and no stretching holes out or anthing), provacative dress, and offensive dress as far as foul language on clothes and etc....but otherwise I'd let her try some different styles. She's trying to figure out who she is.

Answer 5

Well when I think of 12 year olds I think kids trying to be grown up... but It sounds ok if she's not choosing to dress provocative.
Just encourage her to have a good attitude and to keep working. Maybe you should allow her a more toned-down version of what she wants at first... so she dosn't think she can always get her way...see how it goes then allow more..

Answer 6

well, process of elimination says now she shops at hot topic.

personally, i believe that by the age of 12 they should be allowed to dress according to what style they like, as long as it's appropriate. I am 12 years old and i shop at hot topic and my hair's 2 different colors. i have several band tees, and own 7 pairs of venice jeans. i keep my grades up and i don't understand why her style is making you worry about her grades. don't worry about her style, worry about her friends, mind you, i am not a druggie, smoker, or alchoholic. i have nice friends. usually people who do dress this way tend to lean towards the rebel side. i don't think you realize that you're controlling her creativity. she needs some space to decide for herself. and just as you call this a "certain style" her "normal" clothes is a "certain style" too.

Answer 7

I think it's fine for her to want to be an individual. You should allow her to pick out any outfit she wants to wear and then run it by you (to see if the patterns, color match and if it's approiate for her age). She's starting to become a young lady and I think giving her small independence will give her confidence and trust in you. You'll end up with more respect as well.

Answer 8

If it is a matter of "Mom won't let me dress this way, so let's see if Step-Mom will let me..." I would say no way. Before you give her permission, talk with her mother (if she is alive) and her father about it. The chances are that she asked them first and they said no.

Answer 9

i say let her dress the way she wants but with in reason...keep an eye on what she wears every day and watch how she acts and if her grades change...if she is doing this well in school you really can't say no

Answer 10

Yes I think she shoould be able to. I always let my daughter pick out what she wanted to wear even when she was little(she's 10 now). All kids should be able to express themselves and wear what they want(as long as it's not slutty or stuff).