should we get a divorce? I love my husband i just dont know how much. we want to make it work but we fight alot and when we arent fighting im still a little miserable. Im sad alot and i feel stiffled. we have been married a year is it normal or will i feel this way for a long time? Ive been thinking about a seperation just to clear my head but im our sons primary caretaker and dont work but two nights of the week- where my husband works everyday usually from 6am to 8pm! i dont know what to do i really need a break even just a week but we cant afford have a babysitter for as long as my husband works. Any suggestions?
2007-11-14 07:27:16 · 17 answers · asked by jacksgirl711 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i work ALL day. we have a 6 month old and i stay at home with him and work on the weekends- sounds kinda bratty but my husband gets no special treatment bc he works. Yes we are BOTH very tired and cranky but who said i started the fights? we do the best we can to avoid them.
2007-11-14 07:38:58 · update #1
Also i have no intention of abandoning my son at all.
2007-11-14 07:40:49 · update #2
There are several issues here.
-Fighting alot. You need to learn how to communicate and relate with each other without the bitter fights and bad relationship habits. A marriage counsellor can help with that.
- Been married a year. The first year of marriage is the hardest. You learn about each other, go through the financial responsabilities of having a household, bills, a baby and reality sinks in. This is rather common, but it will pass, I promise.
-Separation. Unless you are seriously considering moving out permanently, a separation and coming back will only add charcoal to the fire and he will not take you seriously again if you treat to leave againg, just to crawl back shortly afterwards and start the same cycle again.
-Husbands work schedule. It seems to me that you are craving for attention because you feel lonely in the relationship. If that's the case, schedule time alone with your husband, send the baby to yoru family, friend, babysitter etc. and date your man. If he works 14 hours a day is to pay the bills so you can be a homemaker! No everyone has the benefot to take care of the baby at home and have the bills paid.
My honest advice: I think that you are just bored. The honeymoon is over and the real life starts sunshine. If I wa syou, I would find productive and constrictive things to do in your spare time other than concentrating in how many hours he's away from home not giving attention and nagging him to death about him not being all raimbows and peaches after a one hour conmutte and a grueling 10 hour shift. You atract more bees with honey than vinegar. Make your husband evening pleasent by being happy (not miserable) when he comes home. ease on yoru complaints and demands and do not overwhelm him with honey do lists and accusations and dramas as soon as he walk in the door.
Get a part time job, take online classes, volunteer, excersise etc. so you have something to do and find meaning in yoru life.
Good luck
2007-11-14 07:41:29 · answer #1 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you got married before you were ready. You can't just take a break from your kids and husband whenever you want to. You have to invent ways to have s little alone time without abandoning your family. As far as your marriage goes, it sounds like you probably need a divorce. If you have only be married 1 year and are already experiencing such problems then it probably won't get much better in the future. The problems that you described are characteristic of couple who have been married for years and years. The decision is yours but you should really do what you feel is the best thing for you and your children.
2007-11-14 07:34:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes two to argue. Stop your side of it. Do things you can afford. Go for a walk around your neighborhood. Take your son to the park for a picnic. Find a hobby to do at home. Hire a sitter a couple of times a week. Just for a few hours. Go do something just you want to do. You don't have to have a week to get a break. God only gives one reason for divorce and that is adultery. If your husband is faithful to you, then divorce is not an option. You must honor your wedding vows. You must do what ever you can to make your marriage better. You can only change yourself. So start thinking about what you can change about you and what you are doing.
2007-11-14 07:35:07 · answer #3 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to just talk until you have both lost your voice, no sleeping no going anywhere. Something doesn't seem right you have not been married long @ all. So maybe if you think and remember why you fell in love with him in the beginning it will bring you closer to him, if your son is in school start volunteering, maybe try getting a job @ a daycare so it pays for you to have him there and you are bringing in some more money.It mostly sounds like you are lonely, and need some more adult time. Just don't rush to a bad decision that you might regret.
2007-11-14 07:45:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oooooo........marriage. Isn't it a *****?
Normal stuff and if you really want to make everything work you'll both reach concessions and agreements. Stop complaining. So you stay home and watch the kid. Did you think it was going to be out of the norm once you had a kid? Your mistake was being married a year and the two of you deciding you wanted little junior. Should have waited instead of wanting an instant family. Now you have an innocent life tosssed into the mix.
Someday...when you both mature you'll understand.
2007-11-14 07:43:34 · answer #5 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would think the reason you guys are on each others throats is because you have no time for yourselves. If your husband works 14 hours a day, that must put him under a lot of stress. If you could get a job to help out that would give your husband some relieve and also time for each other to enjoy.
2007-11-14 07:35:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your husband is working 14 hour days and you work two evenings a week, I suggest you start focusing on using your time to make your home a relaxing and restful place to return to, have a healthy filling dinner on the table, have some clean clothes and a towels laid out for his shower. Then make sure that after baby get to see daddy, you put him to bed so that your husband doesn't have to deal with baby issues.
Do you know how lucky you are to be able to stay home with your baby? Do you know that some of us would have given anything for that opportunity! Be grateful to the one who has given you the time to raise your child!
2007-11-14 07:41:46 · answer #7 · answered by Rebecca W 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are lonely. With your husband working so many hours you never see him and feel like you have no help at home. I think you need to sit down with him and tell him this schedule is killing your marriage and see if he can move his hours or find a different job. You have only been married a year, I think a marriage is worth at least looking at all the options.
2007-11-14 07:33:07 · answer #8 · answered by hawkeye316 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest counseling. It's working for my husband and I. It seems it is perfectly normal to feel the way that you do. Out of the four of my friends who got married at the same year, all but one of us contemplated divorce. I don't think we would have made it to our second anniversary without counseling. Now I can truly imagine being married for years to come. And being happy about it. Good luck.
By the way, every counselor is not good. You will need to find a good one.
2007-11-14 07:34:11 · answer #9 · answered by thesees 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like there is a lot of stress cause of the six month old and you both being tired. Can't you get grandparents or other relatives to take care of the kid for a week, while you go away on vacation together?
2007-11-14 09:40:08 · answer #10 · answered by growing inside 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋