What do you think of women who consciously decide to be single mothers?

Question

I'm not talking about women who have been dumped by their children's father and haven't bothered to find a new man. I'm talking about women who don't know or care where the sperm came from.

The new book Knock Yourself Up (Louise Sloan) includes stories of 43 women who make great annual salaries and are perfectly equipped to take care of themselves and their children. They planned their pregnancies, and their kids have turned out well. Some believe that it's easier to raise kids without a husband, because:

a) No risk of divorce.
b) No power struggles.

According to the author, the downside was feeling lonely during her pregnancy, which was quickly resolved by well-meaning strangers congratulating her. Most of the 43 women's families and friends reacted positively when finding out about their decisions.

Thoughts? Comments?

We will also assume that these women aren't getting by through government handouts, which, if their salaries are any indication (between $50K and $100K), they aren't.

To those who insist that a child needs a father: What if men had a child on their own with an egg donor and refused to get married? Would you feel the same way about them?

It doesn't matter how widespread it is; I need an actual opinion on the issue itself.

If you care so little, why are you bothering to answer? I asked for people's opinions, and if you can't provide me with one, go elsewhere.

Answer 1

I personally think that children need both a Mother and a Father in their lives, but if a woman can financially take care of a child by herself and is not going to leach off of the American tax payers, it is none of my business.

Answer 2

I don't think it's the best idea. That being said, I do think that children are a blessing that I would not want to deprive anyone. I would guess that the child would be better off than in an abusive, two-parent home. HOWEVER, I do think it is unwise to not have a close-knit extended family for this option. Children generally need to be around more than one (or even two) adults to grow properly.

The thought of that child someday asking, 'Why don't I have a Daddy?" breaks my heart. It's sad enough when a child's father dies. But to admit that you just didn't bother providing one at all? I don't know, but that bothers me in a way. Sure, life happens, but I think it puts the child at a disadvantage - forever. That lack can be very hard for children of either gender. Of course, children are brought into the world in less than ideal circumstances all the time. But this doesn't mean that single, married, whatever - it's all the same. It's NOT all the same, but it can still be a loving, wonderful relationship between parent and child.

If after reading the literature and statistics on the effects to children from being fatherless, the woman can feel free to make her own decision. Perhaps she's a wonderful mother-to-be, but is just very plain looking and doesn't really date. That shouldn't neccessarily prevent her from having a child. She simply has the responsibility to explore what harmful effects there could be, and to try to lessen them as much as possible.

Abuse-wise, the *riskiest* family structure is mother + her child + mother's boyfriend. That is the most common scenario for sexual and physical abuse of the child. She needs to be very, very careful in future relationships.

Answer 3

I wanted to have children, but decided I wanted my children to have a father. I never met the right man to marry and now I am past the age to have children. Being adopted and knowing how many children are out there waiting to be adopted if I had had the income to do it, I would have adopted a baby or an older child.

I wish more women would make this choice. Our world is over populated and so many children are in foster care or adoption agencies waiting for a single mother or a married couple to give them the life they deserve. My adoptive parents did that for me and I feel truly blessed they did because my adoptive Mom was not able to have her own child

Answer 4

Wow! First I have to say that everyone has the right to do whatever they choose. Whether right, wrong or indifferent, there are consequences for our actions and sometimes others may benefit or suffer from the choices we make. A single mom with a moderate to high income is NOT raising her child, it spends most of its early years in daycare with someone else instilling their morals and values in your child. You ultimately miss out on developmental milestones that should be observed in your presence and not by pictures or video. By the time they enter middle school, you are so out of touch that you realize you don't even know this person. This is why so many working parents don't have a real connection with their children because they can't devote the necessary time to them. As a Domestic Engineer (stay@home moms have been phased out) my employers are my children and the benefits package and bonuses are the best in the industry! My suggestion to women who want children, marry a man who puts God first in his life and he will always strive to honor his covenant as husband and father. He will insist that you stay home with the child(ren) while he provides financially because that is what gives men strength. After you have enjoyed raising your children, you and your husband will have the rest of your lives to whatever you want to do! If it was intended for women to have children alone then we would have a reproductive system like frogs who procreate on their own. Don't deny yourself the pure joy of sex from a husband who will make love to you deeply and sincerely for the purpose of creating a child out of love.

Answer 5

I believe raising a child on your own and also in turn being that child is a lonely experience. I don't like it. Sure parents fight and argue, but I simply could not imagine growing up with only one parent, let alone that parent purposely making that choice. There is something about having two parents and at least one sibling that really brings life and a sense of completeness to a household. I personally wouldn't wish the fate of having only a single parent to anyone.

And yes, I'd have pretty much the same attitude towards a guy trying to be a single father.

Answer 6

I think it's sad for the children. People underestimate the importance of fathers. The so-called pros are weak. Why is there no risk of divorce? The woman may eventually marry, and power struggles can teach kids how to get along with others, and make compromises. I see the benefits every day of my children growing up with both a mother and a father. We both have different strengths, abilities and interests that work together and balance each other out as parents. I'm sure I'll get plenty of "thumbs down", but I think it's selfish and cruel to deliberately deny a child a father.

Answer 7

It's not something I would want to do personally but I can see why some women do it. They realize that they're getting older and are not likely to find a partner so they choose this option. I wouldn't worry about it. This sort of family arrangement is never going to be the most common one. If anything, it's better than getting married just so you can have a child.

Answer 8

We as humans are social creatures by nature. However, there are exceptions. There are men that put business above family, wives, children,etc. These women want to prove they are capable of being business people as well as mothers. Let them, it's their life, they can live it anyway they want. I wish them all the luck. We can have the pleasure without the responsibility, wow thank you mama!! (just kidding, I love kids)

Answer 9

honestly, to each their own. But, I do feels that these mothers aren't giving enough credit to men and the good things they bring to the plate. Not only with raising a child, but also in a relationship. My husband is the best thing that has ever happen to me, in our relationship over the last eight years he has brought many things to my attention, about myself, its as if he knows me better than I know myself. I couldn't imagine raising a child without him in the picture. But, as I stated above, to each their own.

Answer 10

My car would still get me home with only 1 wiper, 2 flats, and half the oil. But I wouldn't recommend it. Money isn't everything. A father figure is very important for many reasons.

Seek a balance in all things. Children will learn different aspects from each parent. They will have gaps in their learning if there is only one. Man or woman.