I have always gone to my inlaws(they are great) for the holidays. Because I am an only child my parents were invited too, and did come on occasion. However, my parents recently moved 8 hours away. I want to go there for Thanksgiving. My mom is begging me to come. My husband thinks it is unfair to his mom who is a single parent for us to leave for the holiday. (She has 2 other children and her sisters family who will be there.) I think it is selfish and unfair that he does not want to see my parents who I haven't seen in 2 months. He says he will go after we eat with his family on thursday, but that would mean we wouldn't get to my folks until after midnight. I would only have Friday and Sat. with them. I miss them terribly. Am I wrong for expecting him to give a little in this area?
2007-11-14 06:41:28 · 29 answers · asked by Sparky 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Nope it is not wrong. You all should setup a schedule. Alternate years, one year you spend with his family during holidays next year you travel to yours. that way it will be equal, and you two get to spend time with both sets of parents during the holidays.
2007-11-14 06:45:09 · answer #1 · answered by steven c 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
This is not such an unusual problem, for men. Although it is a bit disrespectful to you and yours. If he doesn't wish to visit your family, then stop visiting his until he gets the message that this is important to you. If he can't respect your wishes, than leave his for him to deal with on his own. Let him know how it feels to always show up alone. He must have some consideration for your needs and wishes, is that too far for him to go to make you happy, are he and his the only ones who count in this relationship. And if he never wants to visit, then there's more than meets the eye and something is not being said.
2016-05-23 03:57:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is an issue that the two of you really need to sit down and talk about. Now that your family has moved the situation has changed and it will continue to be a problem every holiday if you don't learn to compromise and come up with something that makes both of you happy.
In my case, I chose to spend Thanksgiving with my in-laws and spend Christmas with my family. Because we spend more time at Christmas with my family, we also spend New years Day with his folks.
Hope this helps.
2007-11-14 06:46:17 · answer #3 · answered by wondermom 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to work out holiday plans. A lot of my family does Thanksgiving with the in-laws and Christmas with their family, then switch for the following year. It's always fair and there can be no argument about it.
2007-11-14 06:48:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best thing to do in my opinion is split it up. So go to your parents for Thanksgiving and his for Christmas, or vice versa. Come on folks, compromises have to be made in relationships. Keep open communication, so things have a better chance of working out.
2007-11-14 07:14:57 · answer #5 · answered by Psychology Kevin 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to split the holidays from now on. One Christmas go to your husband's family and the next to yours. The mom will have a hard time with it at first, but sometimes there is no easy fix to a problem.
2007-11-14 06:46:23 · answer #6 · answered by hawkeye316 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i've had the same quarels with my wife. She is an only child and her parents live 30 mins away, mine live 3 hours away. I used to be selfish and only want to go to my parents, because I argued we can see her parents all the time, but I only get to see mine on the weekend if I'm lucky. Being married you just have to make some sacrafices and share time which i'm learning to do. I think if you spent last year at his family the least he can do is spend it with you this year, me and my wife are splitting it up thursday, friday we are going to be with my family and saturday sunday will be with hers. Its hard, but you have to compramise
2007-11-14 06:51:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in this situation with Christmas and spending it with my family or his. I have said he can by all means go and spend it with his family (I've been there the last 3 years running) but that this year I am going to my family, if he doesn't want to come then that's his choice. It sounds horrible but sometimes you have to stick to your guns to make a point! If I were you say to him that you will go up there and spend the day with your family and he can join you at his leisure.
2007-11-15 01:05:51 · answer #8 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Similar situation here only both our families live close to us, thank God. We usually have dinner with his family and then everyone comes over for dessert with my family - it works out well. This year my husband suggested dinner with my family and I can't wait.
Your husband needs to stop being so selfish.
2007-11-14 07:00:04 · answer #9 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are three homes, right? You all can't compromise to find a mutually-acceptable location? Besides that, husbands don't like it when you choose your old family over your new. This is how infidelity starts--trust me.
2007-11-14 06:51:38 · answer #10 · answered by Level 7 is Best 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋