So, we finally got married, over a year ago, and now she has the starter green card, 6 months ago, and she still wont change her name. She says she isnt ready to. What the heck does that mean? And why does it bother me so much?
2007-11-14 06:24:27 · 20 answers · asked by Guy P 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I didn't change my last name either due to the fact it is a hassle with changing the name on medical records, drivers license, credit cards or anything else that has to be changed. I already changed my name once and told my husband I would not change it again but he is welcome to change his last name to mine so he did.
2007-11-14 06:40:11 · answer #1 · answered by already_enuff_spice_in_this 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why don't you ask her specifically if the marriage was used to get a green card. Tell her that you love her (if you still do) and this name change makes you feel neglected in her life.
But i didn't change my name when i got married 20 years ago. and that was before it was popular to do so
so get out of the yahoo and sit down and have a chat with her. good luck - and i do hope she married you because she loves you.
Freedom in America obtained via green card, i think i would keep my name because i would be proud that i had made another step in this world independently without using you. sometimes men and women don't think alike. ask her why not change it now.
But if it is true love then don't worry about it. and, why don't you take her name on as yours.
2007-11-14 06:38:50 · answer #2 · answered by lazi_luci 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, this really should have been discussed before you got married but I guess that doesn't help you now. You need to ask her why she hasn't changed it because it seems like a red flag to me. I don't know why it bothers you so much but some people are more traditional and there's nothing wrong with that. Just make sure that it isn't the way she is acting about it that's bothering you. You really need to get to the bottom of this with a serious talk.
2007-11-14 06:29:41 · answer #3 · answered by Deanrijo 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, I see what you mean..
Maybe, she doesn't want to. A lot of women don't. In my first marriage I didn't want to...and it had nothing to do with my feelings for him. It had to with my feeling of me, and my identity.
Why does it bother you so much? maybe because you didn't discuss it before hand. Or maybe it is a surprise and all this while you thought she was going to. So that would be a let down. Or maybe that is what you had always imagined.. your wife taking your name. I don't think there is anything wrong with it bothering you. Its OK to bother you but its not OK to attack her on it. BUT you should talk to her about it. Find out her feelings on it, why does she not feel ready, will she ever feel ready. And you need to accept her feelings, ultimately it is her choice. Her changing her name should not change how you feel about her. You don't have to like it but it would be in your best interest to accept it.. whatever her decision may be.
Good Luck :)
2007-11-14 06:34:00 · answer #4 · answered by loladoreen 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Has it ever occurred to you that she married you just to get a green card and come over to this country? This happens all the time. It isn't normal for a woman to say she isn't ready to change her name. Usually, a woman will say up front that I'm not changing my name for such and such a reason. So, I'm suspicious.
2007-11-14 15:17:39 · answer #5 · answered by Sondra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It took being married 10 years and having a child for me to change my name to his. It has been 4 years and I still can't make myself go by his name. It's just not me. I can't see how anyone could go from being one name to something else just because they got married.
Changing my name was a mistake.
2007-11-15 09:06:31 · answer #6 · answered by Alison 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Boy you must have sucker written on your forehead she has not changed anything because she used you for the greencard. It bothers you so much because you are realizing now the reason that she hasn't changed it. Really though maybe it is just time to go to your local governemtn services centre and get all her ID changed to show your last name if she refuses then tell her fine then maybe we should just get you deported or go to immigration that may change her thinking.
2007-11-14 06:36:40 · answer #7 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My uncle married a woman almost 10 years ago and she still hasn't changed her name. I don't know why, but it would bother me too (if I was a guy, haha).
2007-11-14 06:29:17 · answer #8 · answered by lafemelle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is she using you to get her green card? In many countries, women do not take on the husband's name. It took me almost 5 years to take on my husband's name. He reminded me every chance he got that I had promised to change my name and how much it meant to him.
2007-11-14 06:28:59 · answer #9 · answered by curious gal 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
it probably means she only married you to get a green card and maybe it bothers you because you feel something ain't right.
2007-11-14 06:29:13 · answer #10 · answered by jay K 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋