My ex husband and I have been separated for 5 months now. We have not filed for divorce, we're in no rush. During this time I've dated and so has he. We haven't remained amiacable except for when it comes to having sex. We've hooked up a couple of times. But last time, two weeks ago, the sex was horrible and I didn't feel anything for him. He kept telling me that he missed me and loved me, but I'm not sure if I believe him (can't believe anything they say while inside of you really). He just texted me and asked if I was coming to visit him this weekend and wants to hook up again. I'm not sure if I want to. I mean, I want to know that he still misses me and part of me wants to go back with him and always will, but should I do this if I know it's not going anywhere?
2007-11-14 06:22:47 · 20 answers · asked by Rhyann 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Okay, let me explain. The flame isn't missing. It's not like we died down with passion or anything. We have one of those forever loves that will drive you mad! But he started being secretive about doing drugs and stuff behind my back. He also doesn't trust anyone and thought I was cheating, which I wasn't. There are a lot of emotional issues he needs to take care of before getting into something serious again. I have to get my life together as well. But I want him so badly, even if it is lousy. I miss him and the way he touches me.
2007-11-14 06:31:26 · update #1
Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. You haven't remained amicable except for the sex. So at this point your entire relationship is sex. Is that really the relationship you want?
It's confusing to be separated from a person yet continue to have sex. It complicates feelings and confuses circumstances.
Stop having sex. Make some life choices. Either decide to divorce and do it or reconcile. Either way stop having sex with him.
And your right. Saying I love you or I miss you during sex doesn't count for anything. That's the sex talking and not the heart or brain. At that point he's missing the sex and not you the person. You're not going to find out how he really feels until you stop having sex with him.
Also, there's no incentive for him to get help with the drugs or for either of you to work out your individual issues until you fully break with him.
2007-11-14 06:34:31 · answer #1 · answered by JB 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
The both of you need serious and immediate counseling. Hooking up for sex although you are separated is a twisted perspective.
Everything from "didn't feel anything" to hooking up again, etc. You really do need more than a yahoo answers thing, both go get some marriage help and stop being immature in your relationship.
2007-11-14 06:31:10 · answer #2 · answered by splashdesign238 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds as though you are feeling used. He did not think of your needs last time you met up. If he trully wanted you back he would of put more effort in the love making. I think he probably still has feelings for you but he might like the fact that you can leave after it is done. Make him take you out for a night on the town and if you want to go further make it known that you want him to do this or that to you. Have fun.
2007-11-14 06:30:21 · answer #3 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you know in your heart that it is over and not going anywhere then you are just prolonging the divorce by contining to see him... If you think you can work it out and the desire to stay together is there - start dating him (without the sex) and see if you guys can rekindle the flame and get back to where you once were!
Just having bootycalls is not going to solve anything or get you anywhere!
2007-11-14 06:29:01 · answer #4 · answered by Me 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You need to cut this off, get the divorce and MOVE ON. Having sex with him only leads him to believe that you might want to reconcile. Holding onto him says that you aren't mature enough to make this next step and really let go.
Crap or get off the pot.
2007-11-14 06:31:56 · answer #5 · answered by lady_phoenix39 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need help my dear... Its never going to work with this guy and when you finally find another love you will feel the same for him and his touch,,, We have all been through this.. Find someone who wants you always not just part time... I wish you love and luck... Grant M in Pennsylvania
2007-11-14 06:37:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Till you do not have a a really serious relaship with someone else you may visit him and make sex ,etc. Do that time to time, but be open for a new serious relationship. Then it is time to say him "no".
2007-11-14 06:33:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
do you like being with a druggie? It will not go away by itself you also said the sex was horrible do you want that too? Move on and find some one better for you both emotionately and sexually
2007-11-14 06:35:11 · answer #8 · answered by ken j 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
1
2017-02-20 11:29:23 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you divorcing in the first place? Cut all ties from him and move on to better things. He's just screwing u up more. Get rid of the baggage and find someone you lust for! Good luck!
2007-11-14 06:32:26 · answer #10 · answered by aimstir31 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋