Love my wife, but think im not right for her?

Question

This is odd i know. My wife is very religous and faithful, and just a very good person. I am in no way religous, and we have many differences on raising a child (home school which she wants and i dont, etc) Things like that

I guess my issue is this.....im feeling like im not right for her. I feel like my not being religous takes something away from her life and that she really wants to be a stay at home mom...which i also dont want.

I love her very much...and she loves me. Just not sure where to go from here.

And dont say go to church. Im a good person and live my life right, but its just not me...im not comfortable there and its just not who i am. So part of me feels like im taking that from her becasue she wont go without me.

The stay at home thing is similar. She wants to be near the child (we have none btw) and i dont want that.

So nothing is really wrong, we get a long great.....but at what point knowing all that...do you still say you are not right for each other?

Ok easy some of you....relax. Shes not controlling at all, im not looking for a way out, but honestly i feel bad that im not that way for her. Its just never really been a part of my life. Of course it was talked about, but i felt ok with not being that way. And as time has passed im feeling more and more guilty that i cant be that for her and can see that it does effect her.

Answer 1

I'll be praying for you...

Answer 2

What does religion have to do with staying at home with children? Its in the childs best interest for a parent and I believe a mother to be at home with it at least until school age. Why would you have children just to let someone else raised them? Take a look at good quality child care, the gas to run back and forth, meals and work clothing and you will find that for most people, that's one whole salary. The benefits of teaching your own child to walk and talk (and everything else) is that the child then has your values, not some daycare center. Its better for a child to be nurtured in a safe and secure enviornment, and the home makes it easier on it, not so much moving around and over stimulation.

I don't believe in home schooling, I believe in the value of a public education, but public education is only the foundation. As a parent you MUST educate your children, that's your job not a school. This means long hours of homework, special projects and education about the world around us.

How does she feel about you not being religious? If she purposefully ignored the tenent in the Bible about marrying another believer she either loves you completely or thinks she can convert you. Doesn't sound like she's trying to convert you, so she must have followed her heart. Part of a marriage is trust, and you need to trust that she did the right thing for her, and stop being so insecure.

I think there is something nagging at you and I think you are using these minor issues to distance yourself from your wife. You talked about these things before you got married so none of this comes as a surprise, so what's the big deal now? Alot of people self sabotage their relationships because they don't thing they are good enough or deserve good things. Is something from your upbringing bothering you? You may want to explore that in counseling. If your wife wants to raise your children at home, and not work, then you are going to have to realize that she is free to make her own choices. I would plan ahead for that. Otherwise, I would divorce quickly so she can find someone else to love.

Answer 3

A little too late to be saying that you are not right for each other. You probably should have decided that in pre-marital counseling.

Look, every marriage has some incompatibility. No matter who you marry next, you will have issues, and the same doubts will emerge. Besides, who is to say that some other guy is the right husband for your wife, when everyone will have some type of issue with her no matter what? Get in there, work out a compromise, and tought it out like a man! you can do it.

Answer 4

That's why you ask these questions before you get married!! Yes love is important, but so are common goals and views. The best thing for you to do with your wife is talk to her openly and honestly. She is only hurting herself when she refuses to go to church with out you. It's fine to have different things in your life that you two don't share. It's what makes a bond more interesting. You bring two different view points to the table. Why not agree for her to stay with the children when they are young but once they hit 7 or 8 for her to send them to school. Kids need that time with other children, it'll be beneficial for not only your children but to yourselves as well. I don't think you aren't right for your wife, I thin you guys need to work on and come to a consensus on how you are going to raise your children before you have children.

Also, if you don't want to go to church it's OK. Your not a bad person and I'm sure she respects that. But don't let that make you feel guilty, she needs to let you be you and let herself be herself.

Answer 5

You're probably not that good for her and what you're saying is the truth. It sounds like you're a bit more self-centered than she is, but at least you're being honest here. You should be this honest with her too and let her know how you feel. If she loves you anyway, then you can go on guilt free.

Answer 6

Only the two of you can decide it. Talk with her - tell her your feelings, and be prepared to be hit with her grief, feelings of betrayal and pain. But after a while, it will subside, and she'll be better able to discuss things.

Didn't the two of you discuss this before getting married?

BTW - can't you compromise on certain things? Maybe there are things you should give in on.

Answer 7

Your wife married you, knowing how you are, you said you get along great now, the way that you are. So what makes you think she would want you to be different. Talk to her about it and see how she feels but she obviously loves you if she married you and had kids with you and is happy with you so I think you are working this up in your head and making something out of nothing. Be happy that you have such a great person that loves you and respects your beliefs. I'm sure that she is happy to have someone that respects her's.

Answer 8

So I can give you a decent answer, what religion is she? It sounds like she is part of one of the stricter religions where they believe that men are superior to woman and that a woman's place is in the home. If she is part of one of the stricter religions and she wants to truly uphold her beliefs, then you will be the one that has to change you mind and give into her. Why didn't these topics come up before you married her?

Answer 9

You married her and made a commitment to her, therefore you are sworn to be her husband--the best husband you can be--until death do you part. I don't care how you "feel". You are commited.

And whether you want to admit it or not, you ARE a spiritual being and will never be complete without God. Perhaps that is why you are feeling uncomfortable....because you know you DO need to start seeking God's face.

Answer 10

None of this was discussed before the wedding?

These are some pretty IMPORTANT issues, don't you think?!

And as far as her not wanting to go to church if you don't go, thats hogwash. You don't need to be there, for her to worship our Lord. There have been some Sundays my man does not wake up to go to Mass, but I still wake up and get ready and our sons and we go without him. No big deal.

She sounds like she is controlling, if you ask me.

Answer 11

Communication and compromise..
are you to able to compromise on theese big issues?
If you get along well, etc.. than you need to try, espeacilly since you love her. Let her know how you feel.
If she doesnt go to church because you dont..thats on her not you.
your differences are ok as long as you are both commited to making it work.
talk to her.