I am pregnant and about to quit my job(I had my own account), but I feel like now I should have access to his/OUR money now. He does't understand saying that he will put money in my account when I need it!!! Meanwhile, he goes off and spends money on pretty much anything he wants and lies to me about how much he spent. I have to look for the reciept to expose his lie. I've tried explaining to hime why I need this( to feel secure, to be felt like an equal, to feel like a part of the marriage but he dismisses everthing and says to leave him in charge of the finances. I think he just wants to be able to continue spending money when and where he pleases and not have to answer to nobody. I did not sign up for that when I married his sorry butt. I wonder, in this day and age is it now appropriate for men to treat there wives this way!!! Should I just sit there barefoot and pregnant just hoping that he will spare some change for me to go grocery shopping!!!!! I don't think so!!
2007-11-14 05:29:18 · 11 answers · asked by Steph72 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, I wouldn't accept that. I'm not sure you will get through to him. I would keep my job and make sure I kept money for me. I don't know that this marriage can work with his attitude. I wish you luck.
2007-11-17 11:39:12 · answer #1 · answered by Simmi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is your leverage? Sorry to say, but it looks like he's in control. This is the kind of stuff that should be brought up and worked out before you even get married - and certainly before you get pregnant. If you two can't agree on how to run your JOINT finances - and yes, finances become joint once you're married regardless of whose name is on the account - you have no business being together. He needs someone who is perfectly happy being dependent on him for everything, and you need someone who understands that marriage is an equal partnership, a give-and-take. By marrying each other, and by agreeing to have a child together, both of you are in essence letting each other know "you're ok, I like the way you do things." You can tell him 'til you're blue in the face that you want your name on the account, but your actions tell a different story: you were agreeable enough with his way of managing money when you married him and when you decided to get pregnant. If he has things the way he likes them and he's already told you "no" several times - why would he change now? If anything, things are even better for him, as you are more dependent on him. You can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do; either accept it - or put your foot down to the point of giving him an ultimatum: things change or you leave. If you're not prepared to take this step, he's in control.
2007-11-14 13:48:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't believe you still have separate accounts. It's time for you two to work out your finances. Marriage is a compromise. There must be an agreement between both parties about how things like money will be handled. He simply can't keep being selfish and making money decisions that affect you both without consulting you. I would get him in the car, drive him to the bank, and he WOULD be setting up a joint account.
2007-11-14 13:37:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you can try this comprimise, go to a bank and set up a system where a certain amount is transferred automatically into your account each month. This will give you the security of having this money each month and he will also have some money in his account which he can spend without feeling he has to get permission for every purchase.
2007-11-14 13:53:25 · answer #4 · answered by growing inside 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you could get a divorce if you wanted to, but that would mean that you'd have to get a job. It's obvious that the two of you didn't discuss finances thoroughly before you got hitched. It's pretty clear that you married a man who doesn't t feel that his finances are yours to share. That's part of his character and not something that will change.
2007-11-14 23:47:55 · answer #5 · answered by Sondra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am trying to conceive and am afraid of the same thing. We have a joint account but I pay the bills and he pays the mortgage. But, it's still not a joint account where all our money is together. He claims not to worry he will take care of me but I feel it would be the same way. I am curious to see what others say...
2007-11-14 13:35:43 · answer #6 · answered by It's a girl due 5/11/09 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why have you not had a joint account up until now? Because before this you have seen it as "my" money and "his" money ~ now that you have no "my" money you all of a sudden decide it's supposed to be ours.......this should have been discussed before the I do's.
People argue about money because they don't discuss it before they end up in a marriage. Talk to your husband, rationally. Maybe get some couples financial counseling. You have an uphill road now because you failed to consider finances before you set up housekeeping.
2007-11-14 13:34:39 · answer #7 · answered by Susie D 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Then you just say no to joint marital extra curricular activities. Tell him if he wants a sole bank account he can pleasure himself, clean his own dishes himself, shop for himself and do whatever else he needs by himself. Marriage is a partnership and he is not being a very good partner.
2007-11-14 13:37:07 · answer #8 · answered by mamabee 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
how far along are you with child? I would suggest to you if you stay on right up to the near end, do so. this don't sound right and the way he is acting too....save as much you can and used his instead of your cash. you're not planning on quit your job, just take time off to have the baby, right?
2007-11-14 13:38:37 · answer #9 · answered by Thomas 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not having a joint bank account when one is married means someone doesn't trust the other one. confront him tell him how u feel.
2007-11-14 15:10:00 · answer #10 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋