My husband has been talking to his female friend behind my back and lying about it. What now?

Question

I have caught him several times and she has called him at all hours of the night waking us up! He has constantly lied to me about talking to her. He says it is completely innocent and he just didn't tell me because he didn't wanna fight. He also said it was one-sided and he didn't initiate anything. I sent her an e-mail and told her I was tired of being woken up and she blew up and said "Did he forget to tell you that sends me messages at all hours of the night!" Then she called me a *****! I showed him the message and denied calling or texting her. Then he refused to call her about it. She called me a ***** and he didn't even stick up for me! We saw her a few months ago and they didn't even acknowledge each other. I thought that was strange. Yesterday I asked him why he thought she didn't say anything and he said he had no clue! Today I found out they had seen each other in the parking lot while I was inside and he told her not to talk to him once they went inside because I was there

Answer 1

This does not sound good to me. If he does this all the time I would personally get a detective to follow him for a couple weeks or even a month or two and see if they are having an affair. If they aren't he never even has to know you did it. It will make you feel better, and if he is you will know for sure. If he is not then you need to insist that he stop seeing her, and tell why (try to do this as calmly as possible, so he won't think you are over reacting)

Answer 2

Even communicating with this woman is a form of cheating.
If he is writing and texting her all hours of the night and she is repsonding all hours of the night they are both putting time, devotion, and some emotions in this transfer of messages.

Really if you cannot see something wrong with this you need to wake-up from dreamland. Your husband is already screwing around on you or is considering it if he doesn't stick-up for you when another woman calls you a ***** then he feels the same way. Really do you want to stay with a jerk that treats you this way.

PS If it available to you where you live hire a Private Investigator to do some spying.

Answer 3

#1 you should not have sent her a e mail ALTHOUGH I know how you feel.You need to take that up with your husband.I went throught hat about a month ago with my man with this girl he use to see and he would say stuff like it's just conversation but I did'nt want to hear that BULLSH*T!He's your man you take that up with him.If he don't tell her not to call she's going to continue to do so.It's up to him to tell her it's enough.If they're friends she'll understand.And plus it's just respect,if she acts like a BI*CH 2 things you know he FUC*ED her or they were going to.It was in the making.You never can fault the women because you don't know what he has told her.So you take that up with dumb ***.lol Don't listen to these ppl on here talking about a divorce this is your life.IF you think you can get ahold of the situation as I did and nip the Bull in the azz then you do it,if not you need to have a long talk with hubby.If he don't want to listen to reason then you leave.Because more than likely he don't even like this woman like that.Sounds like he's trying to be slick and just get some poo-poo.But half the time when you're a good woman and they do stuff like that you'll know and in the long run he'll regret doing it to you and putting you through that IF he really loves you.

Answer 4

If you don't see that he is allowing her to do his dirty work, you are blind. He gives this person the sense that she has the right to intrude on private time that any fool knows is an intimate time for a man and his wife, whether your having sex or not. He stands by and allows this woman to disrespect you probably hoping to provoke you into such a state that he has no alternative but to leave. Then he can blame you. Accuse you of not trusting him and being suspicious. He probably wants you to act because he can't. He is a spineless coward, and this woman is a desperate #$@%! He is denying it but she clearly isn't.

He does not want to accept responsibility for his part in the unhappiness and wanting to end your marriage. He is using both of you to get what he wants.

Another thing, it isn't her who is tormenting you and making your , it's him. He is just using her to do it.

Answer 5

First off...grow up.
Second...drop the attitude.
Third...invite HER to lunch...and calmly, pleasantly, and politely ask her directly and point blank what is really going on. DO NOT MAKE A SCENE.

It may be completely innocent...these things often are. Your husband could be afraid of how you are going to act.

I went through something like this...I had a friend that I played chess with...we had similar tastes in books and movies and talked about this stuff--outside, in front of others. And my wife at the time flipped out EVERY SINGLE TIME.

And my wife at the time was the only one in the relationship who was cheating.

Answer 6

Ok, your husband is a total a$$hole! But this behavior is not new to you I'm sure. They are both infatuated with each other... and they enjoy this new relationship adding drama and intrigue to their lives.

Either way its self destructive... their behavior is crappy soap opera drama. Do not indulge in it! Leave him and let him have that life... The more youu fight him on it, the more it adds to their Romeo and Juliet syndrome.

Just let him go... no fire works no nothing... Hopefully you guys dont have kids. When you decide you deserve better, you'll drop him fast.

Answer 7

Guys aren't supposed to talk about this.. but your case is different... since you know the woman, see her on occasion and speak with her, and YOUR husband & her treat you like some Girl they know and ignore in a High School lunchroom, when they're communicating? Now.. UNLESS it's YOU that's crazy, controlling, not fun in the least, not giving him s*x, and making life miserable enough.. that even stolen moments with this broad (is she married? a MiLF?) are very exciting to him, etc.?

Stay calm, but you should talk about divorce -- because he's lying and conducting himself unlike a man that loves you. He may be having an affair, or just biding time until he gets time alone (which would happen IMMEDIATELY after you walk out or throw him out.. so brace yourself.. that you would be the Enabler possibly and maddeningly).

Chicks like talking, and being teased by a married man (that's not their husband). And all the attention, compliments and ways he says he "understands" them/their laments -- which would be EXACTLY the same, if YOU were talking to anyone else, ironic as it is.. he's excited that he's still "got it" and can keep the interest of some outside woman. But your situation is MUCH MUCH WORSE since you've made contact with the Other Woman... and she knows more than YOU about their relationship, and might very well be playing you off one-another... and you might even be THE topic now, that they giggle about.

Sounds like she's gonna be there... you need to solve this. I'd suggest reaching out to her husband or boyfriend. These relationships can go on FOR DECADES, especially now with cell phones etc. that making stealing time & moments so easy!

Answer 8

I had a similar problem, but not as serious as yours. I have a friend from highschool thats a girl that my wife is jealous of, I talked to her on myspace, but it was out in the open all of our conversations, she still got mad about it. If they are really just friends, then she shouldn't be calling all hours of the night, that suggests its just more than that. I don't think you should give him an ultimatum, but it is pretty serious, tell him if they are just friends that they can talk in front of you and not try to talk in secret, if he doesn't agree to that I think you need to think about leaving him.

Answer 9

Sit down and talk to him. Tell him you need honesty and it's important to you. If you guys can work through it. Just remember though this is the starts of a toxic relationship and can harm you in many ways if things aren't straighten out.

Answer 10

Hey sweetheart! I have been cheated on and I have also cheated to get revenge. Any Ommission (information left out) is a betrayal in my opinion. He is seeing her. Otherwise he would include you in their meetings or midnight chats. He would not be angry for you questioning him either. Look for suspicious behavior... like passwords on his cell phone or hiding his cell phone for that matter. Also, take a look at his bank account for that matter. Is he working late? Is he showering at odd times? Does he always have excuses for not showing up? If she is calling you names she is definately angry at you because you are his wife and you are the one he comes home to... or at least you are the one wearing the wedding band.