My friend just started a new job about 3 months ago. She is married. Her boss is also married. They talk alot about relationships stuff. He is not happy in his marriage but he has 2 kids that he has to think about too. She has a daughter and is equally unhappy in her marriage. Everything they complain to each other about is the exact same complaints. He has even said that he could see himself with someone like her. She is looking for someone just like him and she doesn't know what to do. He is amazing to her. He treats her like a queen at the office. He gives her advice and feedback on things that she chooses to discuss with him. Her husband is nothing like her boss. She has searched her whole life to find someone like him but now that she found him... he is married, but not happily married. What is your advice for her?
2007-11-14 05:05:55 · 19 answers · asked by crystal g 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She needs to quit her job, she needs to stop comparing her boss to her husmand. When it comes down to it she is married and so is he, besides its not fair to compare her husband with her boss. She spends more time with her boss and yet she doesnt have to deal with any of the every day things that make people unhappy in relationships such as bills, babysitting, cleaning and stuff like that. What she has going at work with her boss is a fantasy not reality, she needs to reevaluate her relationship with her husband and find a way to make things at home better
2007-11-14 05:12:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are many issues here:
1. This is her boss. Even if she were single, getting involved with her boss is not a smart move.
2. There are children involved. Anything they decide to do must be carefully thought through because there are 2 homes at risk here.
3. The grass is always greener on the other side. What might appear to be the ideal partner from a distance might not actually be that way close up.
4. Both parties should make sure their own marriages are well and truly dead before embarking on any new relationship. If something can be salvaged from their marriages, they owe it to their children to do that.
5. On the flip side of all this, it's possible that they are right for each other, and that they have simply married the wrong people, and should go for it. You only get one shot at life, and there is no point in being unhappy unnecessarily.
2007-11-14 13:13:33 · answer #2 · answered by helly 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
From your last question, I am guessing you are your "friend"....
First of all-you need to decide on your home matter without this other man influencing your decision. You need to look at it like this..."Am i truly not happy? Have I exhausted all ways to try to fix my marriage? Would I be happy BY MYSELF?" Dont rely on having a fallback boyfriend-especially one that is married. You don't know if he is going to ever divorce his wife and you would be stuck being the "other woman" for the rest of your life. Dont rely on someone else to make you happy-because then you will never be happy. Make yourself happy and then allow for someone else to ENHANCE your happiness.
You cant also just give up on your marriage because the grass looks greener on the other side and this boss of yours is just "So wonderful" etc. Maybe his marriage is crappy because he isn't the greatest husband? You need to realize that you are only seeing one side of the story with him. You dont even know if he actually has a crappy marriage...maybe he is actually happy but is just looking for some action on the side...and knowing that you are having relationship problems-he saw that an easy in...if he relates to you then you feel closer to him and like he was the one you have been looking for all along...
I highly advise to step back from your boss and possibly even transfer dept or quit or find another job all together. Get away from him and focus on your marriage and yourself. If you are truly unhappy-then leave. If you believe that there is still love between you and your husband and things might be able to be worked out-then put 110% towards it. Try marriage counseling. Hell, try talking to him. If he doesnt know that there is a problem or that you are unhappy-you cant blame him for not fixing it.
Good luck.
2007-11-14 13:20:09 · answer #3 · answered by Jackie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She needs to find a new job and appreciate her husband and work it out with him! I know it can be hard but when some one is pointing out the bad things in their marriage to you, its very likely that you will join in or the complete opposite and boast yours up! They are putting each other in a bad spot it sounds to me like her boss wants to have an affair and she is being used! If she has searched her whole life for someone like her boss why did she ever get married in the first place and is her boss older than her? Maybe its an infatuation!
2007-11-14 13:19:48 · answer #4 · answered by Amberlyn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs to get out of her marriage if she in unhappy! Starting a relationship while married is a bad idea - doing it with your boss is even worse!!
If these two are truly meant to be together, then they need to maintain a level of respect with each other. Sleeping together while they are married will ruin any chance of a future together. Right now it is nothing but lust! They are venting to each other about their problems and developing an attraction to one another. If it is taken to the next level - they will still be married to other people and then the stress of not being able to be together will come into play. Then, the big question of..."when are you going to get a divorce"? Regardless, he will still have children to think about, and she will only become a cheap peice of *** on the side!! Trust me.....nothing good will come from an affair!!!!
2007-11-14 13:16:54 · answer #5 · answered by Kailey 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
These two people need to get divorce and then pursue this relationship. To add though...you can't fix a marriage by not talking to the spouse and letting them know what is wrong. If they are willing to try and work it out then should see a counselor.
Second office relationships might not be the best idea. I know a few that have worked but usually it doesn't go well.
Third these two people might think they found there new true love but who is to say they are not just being an emotional affair for right now. It may not end up a fairy tale relationship.
2007-11-14 13:14:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Get away from the temptation. It is more than likely that both parties are missing something in their marriages and merely seeking attention from out side the marriage. This only leads to disaster. Get a new job, stay away from this person and all others until you work on your marriages. If through counseling and talking with your spouses the marriages can not be saved. Then move on divorce and then look for the love you didn't find in your marriage. Trust me having these personal conversations with another of the opposite sex, out side of your marriage can lead to horrible things, kids lives are ruined, even suicide attempts. my the betrayed spouse. You loved this person when you married them, don't you owe them the respect and honesty of at least trying to save your marriage?
2007-11-14 13:23:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, its easy to look great when you are being compared or camparing, to someone who isnt liked. In other words, when you have nothing but negative thoughts about someone, its easy to think someone else hung the moon. You easily look past and dismiss any issues you may have.
Seriously, if you leave someone for someone else, what does that person realistically get? They get a cheater who jump ships when it starts showing signs of water. That person gets someone that has proven that he or she doesnt have the fortitude or mettle to work things out or get through the hard times. What people dont realize is that marriage is hard work! Its not about all hearts and flowers forever. Its the hardest job you will ever have and the one that if you want to make work, you have to put in the most time constantly adjusting and fixing.
Honestly, why is she wanting to leave her husband? Does he cheat on her? Does he abuse her? Does he refuse to work? Is he an alcoholic or drug user?
If the answer is no to the above, then it sounds like shes just looking for a potential upgrade and not because of legit reasons. She made a committment to the man and has a daughter with him. Now shes considering jumping ship because a better fish is swimming by? Talk about an absolute lack of character! Does living by your committments and working hard mean nothing?
Lets back up a bit and say there is a legit reason for her to leave the father of her only child that she committed to loving and being with for the rest of her days. If thats the case, the last thing she would need is to jump ship into another relationship. She would need time to heal and to fix her own issues. She would need time to learn to be self sufficient. If she took this time and if he did the exact same thing that she did, and they still wanted to be together at that point, then go for it.
What it sounds like is that they are both intrigued by each other while looking at the bad points of their spouses. For him to act this way makes me question his sincerity. Men easily use the "bad marriage, woe is me" gig to sleep with a woman who thinks he is interested in her for more than sex. Once the fun wears off, he admits he cant leave his wife because of the kids...so sorry...etc.
She also needs to really step back and look at her reasons for leaving. Is it really just because of an upgrade? Is she really willing to let go of everything she has now at a hope that this guy is sincere?
As you can probably tell, Im not an advocate of divorce. Im a big believer in honoring your committments and your word until there is no way left to do so. At that point, you do what you have to do. In this case, it just looks like shes going through a downspot in her marriage and dreaming about upgrading with stars in her eyes.
If I was in Vegas, I wouldnt bet on this one working.
2007-11-14 13:40:05 · answer #8 · answered by catfish 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Um...I don't believe in divorce so I suggest she try to work things out with her husband. This situation is awkward and even though they are both unhappy she shouldn't fall for him because he could figure things out with his wife and then leave her in the dust. That's how 4 yr affairs start because someone eventually won't leave their spouse. I suggest she try to work it out with her husband and stop comparing her boss to her husband. She should slowly break away from this relationship with her boss, she doesn't wanna upset him and get fired. Also, she could keep it going the way it is as long as it doesn't get physical and just stays as a what if we weren't married kind of thing.
2007-11-14 13:23:39 · answer #9 · answered by LilybearPDP 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
"Ghar ki murgi dal barabar." They both cannot shirkoff their married responsibilities.Both of them donot like their parteners because they are easily available.It is a common human cycology. We dont like what we have, but we try what we don't have. Once that is achieved, we get bored with that after sometime.Ask yr friend to keep away from such things. If she wants to adventure, ask her to make relationship.But soon she will realise that her real love is at home. The same will happen to her boss also.Every one wants a change .So people go to hotels for a once. Ask about a man of touring job and eats daily in hotels, He will immediately will say, Home is the best shelter.
2007-11-14 13:25:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Everything looks better from where you are unhappily sitting. This is a tough situation, she really needs to think long and hard about what she wants and where it will leave her. And she doesn't need to leave her husband for another man, especially one who is married. They almost never leave there wives, even when they say they are so unhappy. They just want a mistress. It takes two people for a marriage to fail, so she needs to remember that there is always two sides to the story.
2007-11-14 13:13:40 · answer #11 · answered by Buggy Jean 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋