i need to fix this paragraph, i need someone to help me make it sound professional?

Question

Disturbing photographs provide evidence for major events in the world. As Sontag notes, the First and Second World War photographs depict the real agony and suffering of the people involved, such as the images of melted humans faces caused by atomic bombs. These types of photographs are more convincing than words because they tell how the story really happened. Sontag believes that disgusting images are not collective memories but, rather, instructive memories, which influence observers’ views of history. An illustration of collective instruction is the photograph of Martin Luther King, Jr. giving a speech. This image, according to Sontag, does not only remind observers of his appearance, but also serves as a stamp of an important historical moment.

Answer 1

You should have an introductory sentence at the beginning, the sentences that support the introductory sentence and a sentence at the end summing up the paragraph.

Answer 2

Disturbing photographs provide evidence for major events in the world “A”. As Sontag notes, the First and Second World War photographs depict the real agony and suffering of the people involved, such as the images of melted humans faces caused by atomic bombs. These types of photographs are more convincing than words, because they tell how the story really happened. “B” Sontag believes, that disgusting images are not collective memories but, rather, instructive memories, which influence the observers’ views of history. “C” An illustration of collective instruction is the photograph of Martin Luther King, Jr. giving a speech. This image, according to Sontag, does not only remind observers of Mr. King’s appearance, but also serves as a stamp of an important historical moment. “D”


Please look carefully as there have been small grammtical changes made and this format will not let me put my changes in color.

Letters appear AFTER sentence in question.

A: What kind of evidence? Historical? Alternative sentence idea: Disturbing and unembellished photographs provide the viewer with visual evidence of significant events in the history of the World.
B: alternative sentence idea. This type of photograph is more convincing than the written word, because they transport the viewer to that place and time and help them to see and, more importantly, feel the events taking place.
C: Is this a direct quote or are you paraphrasing?
D: Was “Stamp” Mr. Sontag’s word? If that is specifically MR Sontag’s word, and you are paraphrasing, I would put the word stamp in quotations. By appearance do you mean what Mr. King looked like? OR The fact that Mr. King was there? The word “appearance”, used In this manner, is too confusing to the reader.
Hope this helps.

Answer 3

'Disturbing, explicit photographs provide evidence for major events in the world and in history. A Sontag notes, the First and Second Word War photographs depict the real agony and suffering of the people involved, such as images of melted human faces caused by atomic bombs. Photographs such as this are more explicit than pure words and show exactly what the author wants to show the reader. Sontag believes that the disturbing images are not collective images but rather instructive memories that influence observers' views of history. An illustration of collective instruction is the photograph of Martin Luther King, Jr. giving a speech......."

I know that I only really changed the bit in the middle but I still hope it helps! Good luck!

Answer 4

(I do not think your above paragraph can be improved on, it is extremely well written - very clear and concise, and spelling is perfect).

Disturbing photographs provide evidence for major events in the world.

As Sontag notes, the First and Second World War photographs depict the real agony and suffering of the people involved, such as the images of melted humans faces caused by atomic bombs. These types of photographs are more convincing than words because they tell how the story really happened.

Sontag believes that disgusting images are not collective memories but, rather, instructive memories, which influence observers’ views of history.

An illustration of collective instruction is the photograph of Martin Luther King, Jr. giving a speech. This image, according to Sontag, does not only remind observers of his appearance, but also serves as a stamp of an important historical moment.

Answer 5

Disturbing photographs provide evidence for major events in the world. As Sontag notes,photgraphs from the First and Second World War depict the real agony and suffering of the people involved. Images such as the melted humans faces caused by atomic bombs are more convincing than words because they tell how the story really happened. Sontag believes that disgusting images are not collective memories but, rather, instructive memories, which influence observers’ views of history. An illustration of collective instruction is the famous photograph of Martin Luther King, Jr. giving his "I have a dream." speech. This image, according to Sontag, does not only remind observers of his appearance, but also serves as a stamp of an important historical moment.

Answer 6

Disturbing photographs provide important¹ evidence of² major events in the world. As Sontag observes, the photographs of the First and Second World Wars³ realistically depict the suffering⁴ of the people involved, such as human faces that were melted⁵ by atomic bombs. These types of photographs are more compelling⁶ than words because they show the actual event instead of merely describing it.Sontag believes that disgusting images are not *collective* memories but, rather, *instructive* memories that⁷ influence observers' views of history. One illustration of collective instruction is the photograph of Martin Luther King, Jr. giving a speech. This image, according to Sontag, not only reminds observers of his appearance, but also serves as a stamp of an important historical moment.

¹Photographs are obviously evidence. This paragraph argues for the importance of certain types of photographs.

²"of", not "for". "Evidence for" implies support of a debatable point.

³"The First and Second World War photographs" Preferable to avoid long adjective phrases by using "of"

⁴agony and suffering are almost synonymous, so I removed agony but couldn't think of a suitable replacement offhand.

⁵Point of style: "photographs" and "the images of" are separated by "Depict the ...involved". They should be adjacent for the sake of clarity, but it is a stylistic choice.

⁶compelling instead of convincing, unless the point is that people don't believe the written reports

*words between ** can be italicized for emphasis.

⁷"that" rather than "which", because the influence of the photos is a major, not incidental, characteristic.
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All my suggestions may end up in the round file, but it doesn't matter because I really enjoyed this exercise. Thanks!

Answer 7

sounds good to me. However, you could say " Graphic Photography of this genre"... or instead of disgusting use another word, such as disturbing, or graphic. Just to mix it up a bit. Instead of "how the story happened"... you could say... graphically illustrate the events of the time". Sounds like you are just reiterating the "a picture is worth a thousand words"

Answer 8

Like maximum individuals, Superman is an immigrant, albeit an outstanding one. As many immigrants come from distant places countries with the aid of earthly transportation, Superman arrived in the international from yet another planet with the aid of way of rocket deliver. whether diverse, Superman and American immigrants discovered usa as a effect of their seek for a extra ideal existence. Engle factors out that Superman's skills are "equivalent" to cultural features that make immigrants stand out. Superman, like distant places settlers, dominates 2 personalities: one for his public character, the different for his inner maximum existence. He displays fragility and human features to the typical public as Clark Kent. At residing house, he properly-knownshows his powerful and heroic character as Superman, making use of a gown to guard his "human" identity. Immigrants and this heroic discern share this trait: new identities with which to assimilate into American society. Run it with the aid of a Spell examine to be sure that is ideal.

Answer 9

One picture is worth a 1000 words and the camera never lies

Answer 10

There is absolutely nothing wrong with this paragraph. I think you've done an outstanding job.