Im so tired of his attitutude, should I call it quits?

Question

I have a baby with him and we have been together for 3 years. I no I am not perfect, but I am so tired of him always telling me that I do things wrong. I make almost twice what he brings home so u would think he would appreciate that, but instead he gets upset at me because he says that the reason why he brings home less is because I made him quit his last job. How can someone make you quit a job? I told him it was his choice but now that he brings less $ in he blames it on me and he wont let it go. When I was pregnant he punched me in my face, but in his defense I hit him first because he called me a B****. About 2 months ago I made a comment about his penis just joking around and he beat me till I had bruises all over me. I took pics in case I needed them, but I deleted them in hopes that things would just get better. He realizes he has a problem and he wants to stop drinking. I told him today that I want to break up and he just said okay I gotta go. What do I do. give up?

I did put him in jail about 3 months ago because while we were driving he jumped out and never came home. When he called me from a payphone he was drunk and threatning me, telling me he was going to burn down my house of course he was super drunk. I got scared and called the police on him and he got a PI (public intoxication) on his record which of course he will still throw in my face when he can.

Answer 1

I am tired of people having kids and not being there of their kids, no child wants to grow up in such environments. Come on, if he can hit you while pregnant or beat the hell out of you for a joke, threatens to burn your house down, and yet you sit there waiting for what exactly. Do you not watch tv, or have people you can learn from who went through the same things, did anything good come out of it. Jezz, i am not trying to be mean but as someone who grew up in an abusive home i am more concerned about the child, and i feel it is not fair to place the child in any of these situations cuz they can not speak out for themselves, so you being the mom has to speak for your child, if you sit there and accept this then your child has too.

Answer 2

Sounds like you're living a nightmare.

Some guys have issues with their spouse bringing in more money than they do. It's not too bad unless you rub it in their face.

People shouldn't hit each other generally. Punching someone that calls you a name is generally considered an over reaction. Getting punched back after you punch someone is a fairly typical response.

Making joking comments about your husband's, or any male's genitals, that aren't related to how awesome it is, is a very bad idea. It's a psychological way of attacking him and he, as some males do, lashed out physically.

The bottom line is that the last and nastiest phase of a relationship is when you get to the point that you are treating each other with contempt.

You've punched him in the face, told him he was a poor provider and made jokes about his penis. In other words, you've completely attacked his "maleness" and I'm not surprised he drinks too much. Keep it up and I'm sure you'll be able to gather a lot more evidence for the divorce where you'll be telling the court you did nothing wrong and he is a bad alcoholic abuser.

You two are at that point and it is definitely in the best interests of the child that you split up.

You're psychologically and physically abusive and he is physically abusive.

You both need counseling and some moral guidance on how to treat other people.

I recommend church and the bible given your apparent level of development.

To everyone else that says "he's a loser" - getting psychologically abused can be a lot worse than getting beat up and some people don't have the intellectually resources to deal with it appropriately. If you read what she is saying about her own behavior, this is not a simple "guy that drinks too much beating up his innocent wife" senerio.

Answer 3

Honey, the answer is right in front of you. You didn't cause him to quit his job, he's a big boy and can make his own decisions. He chose to quit, that's on him. DO NOT defend him. Any guy that hits a woman, whether she deserves it or not, is nothing but a coward!! What you need to do is to let him go...for now. Perhaps after getting help with his drinking, he'll be a changed person, however, DO NOT take him back right away. Let him court you and this time, play hard to get so you can see if any changes have been made. Allow him visitation with his baby but at a "public" place. Being alone with him at this stage is not only dangerous for you, but for your baby as well. Please, play it smart and get rid of this guy until he's had an awakening as to how precious his baby is and how to take care of a woman.

Answer 4

There is nothing so unfortunate as a "lost cause " and it does no good to throw good money on top of a bad deal.....sometimes we just have to cut our losses and let it go....otherwise, we will WASTE the remaining time we have here on earth trying to save something that can't be saved....and we can't get that time back........ I have adopted this rule for life,..... and it doesn't matter what it is..... it can be your home,...your car... your pet... or your partner. ....... It is very simple,....so I hope that even you can understand it...... " When something becomes more EXPENSIVE or more TROUBLE than the ENJOYMENT that you get from it....... then cut it loose.... let go of it.... You can find something else which will fit your needs with far less MAINTENANCE ! " .......... We would like to be able to rescue every stray dog and every drowning person we see,...... but, sometimes we have to let go,......or we will drown with them ! ..... One thing the Military taught me,..... take care of yourself first ! ....then go help another...if you will.... Once, in my college psychology class, we were discussing domestic violence..... I asked the class..... " What part of a woman's body is most likely to cause domestic violence ?" Some guessed her breasts, her rear,. legs, etc. Not a single one guessed...... HER MOUTH ! It was recognized in the Bible,....more than 2,000 years ago..... " That the tongue of a woman is more vicious than the serpent's sting ! " ....... Take note, ..... that many a young man's dreams of a career were squashed by a pregnancy that he didn't want.....This is a grudge that he will carry and be reminded of on a daily basis....so he's already a bomb, ready to go off.....As a member of a Sheriff Dept, I have seen many cases of domestic violence,....and can tell you that you would do better to tease a Bulldog or wave a flag in the face of a Bull than to get in a man's face and dare him to hit you....Men are like a dam that holds back the water in a lake,....the pressure builds up....sometimes for years,....but if the dam ever breaks....then there's nothing to hold the pressure back.....then it all turns loose.....that's called maximum devastation......It's better for everyone, just to sit down and say, " This isn't working out like we thought it would..... now where do we go from here ? "

Answer 5

I am a woman who has been in an abusive relationship and no one can tell you when it is time to leave, it is you that has to make the decision. We can tell you statistics about women beaters and alcoholics until we are blue in the face, but until you make the decision that enough is enough it won't be enough. My opinion on this is that you should have had enough by now, do you want to raise your child to see this behavior as normal? Or worse to treat someone else as you are treating eachother? That should be a consideration for you in all this. That is what ultimately made me leave my husband, I couldn't raise my son to do the same thing to a woman that his father was doing to me. Good luck and I hope you figure it out soon.

Answer 6

I don't think removing yourself and your child from a dangerous and potentially deadly situation is 'giving up'. Maybe instead of thinking about how sorry he is and how much he wants to stop, and obviously how much you want him to be 'better' you should think about how this is going to affect the person your child grows into, and how they would cope if something really bad happened to you and they lost their mother.

There are people who can help you to remove yourself from a situation like this if you don't feel you can do it on your own, check out this website as a starting point

http://www.community.gov.au/internet/mfmc/community.nsf/pages/section?opendocument&Section=Domestic%20Violence

I've been in a similar situation and I know how tough it can be but you have to do what is right for you and your child. You can email me [e-mail] if you want to talk some more. Be strong and good luck.

Answer 7

YES YES YES!

i know it must be hard for you, with a child to complicate things!

if it was just arguements then ok try and sort stuff out, but hes hit you. and im sorry to say but 99.9999999% of men that hit women dont stop, drink is an excuse, maybe a semi valid one but not a good enough one, he should be lucky if you ever let him see the child again!

if you listen to anyone in your life that gives you advise LEAVE tomorrow if you can, and dont go back no matter how much hes "changed" and says hes sorry and how much he loves you etc..

its easy for me to say this being not involved but i have lived through it with my mom. i was young so i dont remember much but i do remember how happy my mom was when she left, we have talked about it since and she is so so so happy she made that choice, it may seem hard now but in 5 years u will wonder why u stayed with him to begin with!

best of luck and i hope you do what you feel is right!

Answer 8

This isn't a case of give-up, but move on for your own good. He's an abusive person with a drinking problem. If a simple comment gets you a beating from him, you were a fool not to have called the cops then.

Run, don't walk, away from this relationship.

Answer 9

You should call the police and press charges for his hitting you...whether you have the pictures or not. Put him on notice that you're not taking that anymore. You also need a restraining order from this man. Have him removed from your property. When that is done, file for a divorce.

Do all of this TODAY. You are married to a monster.

Answer 10

get the hell out of there. no man has the right to hit a woman and since you had pictures of bruises you got a whooping. Your safety is paramount, you got a baby to take care of. by the way, being called a b**** is wrong, but hitting the old man ain't right. get out of there before he puts you in the hospital. a guy beats you once, he'll do it again. good luck, Greg