Is it classed as child cruelty?

Question

My son is 10 years old. He has been smart mouthing me all day, he constantly moans when asked to do something & is basically a selfish git! I have grounded him, taken away his beloved pokemon cards & banned him from every electrical appliance in the house oh & also his football training. He still argues with me when told to do something and has major tears & strops. I have had enough. My mum & dad would send us to bed without any tea but would it be frowned upon today? I threatened him with bread & water if he didn't quit! I love him dearly but feel i have to put my foot down once and for all.

Dad's at work be back @ 6 but he has even less effect than me!

Answer 1

you have to carry through your threats for him to see you mean business which you have started with, you and your partner must agree on stand united on further action for your son to see he can't play you off against each other. if you did only feed your son bread and water it wouldn't be actual child cruelty but would definitely be frowned upon, so fed him what the rest of the family are having, no exceptions, nothing special or different, whatever he eats, he eats and if he doesn't that is his choice, you have supplied him with his food. set a bedtime that is earlier than usual and stick to it for say 3 weeks along with the the items you mentioned being kept from him for this amount of time, he will go 1 of 2 ways, he will either start wising up and you give him some leeway and start "rewarding" the improved behaviour with some of his things back etc, or he will continue to play up and you keep going with what i have recommended. it will be hard and you have to stay strong and together on this to see an improvement that will last. if however after a good period of time there is no improvement maybe he would benefit seeing a child behaviour therapist for an evaluation to rule out certain conditions. Good Luck and stay united and strong.

Answer 2

It took ten years to get here, might take a bit of hard work and a lot of backbone to improve the situation. Start with convincing him of your sincerity and consistency by making no idle threats. If you say it, it's it and that's that. Of course it makes it even more important to consider before you speak and not pop off when frustrated. Dad too. Dad needs to buck up and not tolerate anyone speaking to him or his wife disrespectfully. Stop arguing with the boy. If he's disrespectful tell him how what he said is making you feel and disengage from the conversation. Go ahead and consequence him. I love "no electrical devices" if it puts the kids in a position to do what they are supposed to do. The consequence is best if it relates to the situation. Kids love favors...money for things...rides to places, etc. Is someone out in the world going to do a favor for someone who is mistreating them or behaving irresponsibly? Unlikely.
Treat him respectfully, teach him how to act, and make sure that "bad behavior" receives no reward. I used a "life as you know it stops" approach with the kids at times. Nothing good happens for them when they lie, are disrespectful, ignore requests, etc. for 24 hours from the bad behavior. If they decide to change the behavior, 24 hours later life resumes with benefits and privileges. If the same problem happens again, 2 days pass before "life returns to normal". Again, and it DOUBLES to 4 days. Hopefully that is never necessary.
I don't think using consequences to "annoy" the child into doing your will works very well. The consequence should have clear linkage to the behavior you want to address.
Calmness and respectfulness from and for all parties should become the norm.

Answer 3

At 10 yrs.old he knows what hes doing. i would take him do to the local police station and let him talk to one of the officers there. They'd be glad to let him see where he colud end up if he does'nt change his behaviour! They have programs just for that reason,you should also pay more attention to what type of friends hes playing with.
When he throws his fits don't pay any attention to him let him rant and rave while you jus walk away. The main reason he keeps doing it is because you give him attention while hes doing it. If he doesnt do his chores stop doing them for him.
When he realizes that he has to do his part to get what he needs he'll began to grow up. no giving him jus bread and water is not harmful,he is eating. some parents would'nt feed him at all. Sounds like he may need a trip to the old woodshed.Beleive me thats not frowned upon either as long as you don't go too far. But you know how you have to handle your son.

Answer 4

OK OK we know you love him dearly, every parent mostly does, but you are by no means punishing him by sending him to his room without food or tea.

I can solve this problem for you! First of all sending him to bed hungry will NOT solve the problem. You need to put his smart rear end to work. Tough chores, make him work his butt off. Then when he's done...

He is to sit down and write 1000x or more.

"I will not smart mouth my mother, I will obey my mother and father"

If he doesn't finish it before bed, the next day when he comes in from school, no matter how apologetic he is to sit down and start back up till he is finished.

WARNING: Do not pass the punishment off to his father as in do not say "wait till your father get's home" do not tell his father "he's done this or that can you take care of this". You are only "demeanializing your own authority". You need to let him know "YOU CAN HANDLE HIM and CONTROL THIS". You must get control of his behavior before he's 14/15 or you will have more then a mouthy brat to contend with...good luck!

Answer 5

I would share the problem with a professional, ASK FOR HELP. In what ever I did to combat the situation I would be consistent, but also make sure he knows you still love him. And I would never ban his football training because that's where he will get the role models he desires.

Answer 6

Personally I am sorry that we do not go back to spanking...I said spanking..not beating.
There were a few occasions when my children were spanked..guess what they respect me and know where the line is drawn. I have two children 17 and 11. They are far be it from perfect however not one time have they ever had a tantrum. They know that is unacceptable behavior.

Use common sense and discipline your children people!

Answer 7

LOL at 'send us to bed without any tea'!! LOL!!

No that's not cruel at all! However I can tell you that children do behaviors that work. So somewhere, sometime this behavior is getting him what he wants. Either it's at school or you're not being consistent. So put your foot down each and every time!!!

Answer 8

Reading your question I thought it was about me! My son is 11 and just the same. I've spoken to friends wither older children, apparently its normal and they grow out of it! I've tried the bread and water thing, it didn't work. He was hungry in the morning and even worse than before.

Answer 9

Get this book... you AND your husband READ every single word in it.. and then DO what it says.

And do it kindly and without raising your voice.

It is called "Children: The Challenge " it was written by a doctor named Rudolph Dreikurs .. i could have the spelling incorrect on his name so just look up that title and order it quickly.

Answer 10

This is absolutely not cruelty. He needs to be disciplined.
I have found that doing things like grounding them, restricting them from privileges, etc works much better than spanking them.
The key is to stick through it and not give in.
Good luck!