what do you do when your mother wants a say in your baby's name?

Question

my mom keeps sending me lists of baby names, and she got me a baby name book which she rated the names with stars & blacked out some of them entirely (so they're unreadable)...
and when i told her the names we were considering, she basically said "no, those won't do" and has continued trying to push names on us.
should i just smile & nod, and (of course) name the baby what we decide, or should i say something more to her? if so, what?

i know she's just excited & trying to help, but it's just annoying!! i get a few emails a day with name suggestions.
oh, and the blacked out names were names that had something to do with my dad's side of the family (bitter divorce) which makes me roll my eyes...

omg, bijou--are we long lost sisters?!? lol.. that sounds EXACTLY like my mom!!

Answer 1

Tread very carefully my dear! If she's anything like my Mom, she's easily insulted and goes around with her feelings on her sleeve and her ears and tissues at the ready awaiting any possible insult. That said, name your baby wtf YOU want. If you like a name she suggests maybe use it as a middle name. If you don't like anything she suggests, don't use it. Funny how some Mom's think you OWE them this or that. Makes ya feel like saying, "Look lady, I didn't ASK to be brought into this crappy world, and I didn't ASK for YOU to be MY mother, but here we are." I'm not an ungrateful little ******, but if you were raised with a guilt loving martyr Mom, well then haha, you'll 'get it'. I love my Mom, but sometimes she reminds me of Raymond's Mom on Everybody Love's Raymond, or Geroge's Mom on Seinfeld.

I'm 37 now, and its taken me MANY years to learn how to deal. I keep my distance most of the time even though she lives 15 minutes away. Funny, we share all the same ideaologies, feminism, religion, politics, but just can't seem to keep things on an even keel. So, I would do the smile and nod thing. Sometimes that's just best. Say things like, "Hmmm, that sounds interesting, I'll definitely take that name into consideration." When you need a friend to bounce name ideas off of, call someone else other than good 'ol Mom!
If you 'say something to her', be prepared for hurt feelings and claims that you don't love or appreciate her. Are you sure you wanna deal with that nonsense when you're pregnant? If she continues to 'interfere' and cause stress, you may just have to do like I did and limit contact. I've tried 'saying something' to my Mom and it gets so ugly its not even worth it. I've even seen a shrink about it! She said to not feel guilty about spending time with her if all she does is belittle, guilt trip, and take offense to every little thing. Her 1st suggestion was to talk it out and work it out like adults. When she found out my Mom screamed at me in a cafe, walked out and wouldn't talk to me for 2 months, she changed her mind....lol!

Save yourself the heartache and just play along. When the babies born name it as you wish, and make no excuses or apologies to your mom. It isn't her decision.


EDIT: haha, maybe we should get blood tests and see! if not we will forever be "Sisters of the Martyrhood'! Years of counseling and she still gets under my skin. Maybe I should send HER the bills....lol!

Answer 2

The hospital gives all the paperwork to the mother to complete. And depending on what state you live in, the hospital and the county your baby is born in can process your baby's birth certificate with or without your signature. (I'm from NJ and that's how its done here.) So I guess in an essence fathers don't have many rights. Hospitals don't get involved in the back and forth between the mother and father about the baby's name. All they want to know is are all the areas that need to be filled in completed and is it signed by the parent(s). So don't count on the hospital's help if you disagree with the name.

Answer 3

You baby's name is your choice.

At this point I would just keep your ideas to yourself. She does not sound like she can keep her opinion out of it.

You will come up with the right name for your baby. Just let her send you the ideas and nod and smile. Start saying that you just have not decided. She will be ok if she waits for the baby to get here to find out. Many people do this even to their families.

In the end everyone will love the baby and the name will no longer be an issue. Personally I would keep all of your ideas to yourself because most people can not help providing their opinions, even if not asked.

Mom's don't mean to be so involved, they just can not help it. She is clearly very excited and that is a good thing.

Answer 4

My mom does not like the name i picked out for my son either, she makes suggestions but i just say ''i like it & that will be his name, period!'' & she kind of rolls her eyes, but says no more. It's funny how some girl compared her mother to george's, LOL, i didn't think mothers like that really existed, i guess i should be thankful for my mother, she is kind of crazy, but not like that =] i would just smile & nod.. No point in starting an argument over it, you don't need this right now. Also my mom respects my husband & the fact that he is my baby's father, so she never said a thing about the name he picked out (my son's 1st name) so maybe it would work for you too, tell her that this is the name your husband wants & you said yes. I don't know if it would work with your mom but why not try it? Anyways, i hope it all works out. God Bless

Answer 5

.She's excited and wants to be involved. Is every name she comes up with that bad? Or are some worth considering? In the end of course you pick the one you want for a child. My daughter and son in law were wonderful they picked the name they wanted but my little guy has two middle names one they let me suggest. It is the coolest thing ever. Yes it's your baby that is always #1. Nobody says you cant mix names you like, with names she likes, and come up with a good one that every one likes

Answer 6

Smile, nod and let it go. Confronting her about the issue is probably only going to make it worse. Just realize that she is trying to "help" in her own weird way!
You are going to give birth to a child that YOU will name. If she doesn't like it, she can, and will, get over it.
I had the same problem with my mother-in-law. She was constantly throwing names in our direction before the birth of our daughter. I didn't use any of her suggestions and she still attempts to morph my daughter's name into something she likes, but our six year old will have nothing of the sort. She reminds her Nana that her name is Carissa, spelled C-A-R-I-S-S-A and not Crissy or Cris. Lord, I love my child.
You will be fine, though. Just grin and bear it.

Answer 7

How much longer do you have?

A few months, this is what to do
From all the list, pick out a name she like, pick two first and middle, tell it will most likely be one of them
She thinks she wins

When the baby is born, name your child what you want
She can not do anything at that point

I did not have that problem, my mom died when I was a child
My mother in law did not like the name, but it grew on her

Answer 8

She is just being a mom. Wants to make sure everyting goes perfect and thinks she can make that happen. I would talk to her she isnt doing this to be mean she thinks she is being helpful. Tell her you will take her ideas into consideration and if any strike you as good names then they may work but in the end you and the childs father will have the last say on the name,

Answer 9

You will get a lot of "advice" while you are pregnant. Take what you want (25% or so) and let the rest go in one ear and out the other. It's hard with your mom because she will think the way that she raised you and what her advice is is more important than what others say. You can say something like, "we aren't going to let anyone know what the baby's name is until he/she is born." That way she can't argue it if it's already on the birth certificate. And if you get a little snippy with her, you can always blame it on the hormones. ;)

Answer 10

just keep smiling and nodding and say "thanks mom" and name the kid what you want to name it. Seriously, this will get her off your back and if you aren't too hormonally crazed to joke with her, make up a horrible godawful name and tell her that is what you are naming the baby. Have fun with this, the more she pushes, the worse the names get. ;)