Okay so we just had a baby 14 months ago and then 5 months later - boom - we're prego again. (No one told us that you're 100 times more fertile after having a baby.) We're due in about a week, and this morning, my husband looked grumpy and unhappy. I asked him what was wrong and he said that he was just overwhelmed with everything and bored with his life. He works a ton and we haven't had a vacation in about a year because I really don't like leaving baby no. 1. (I am very attached.) So baby no. 2 is coming and I am so nervous that he will drive himself off a cliff because, let's face it, the first several months suck. I have, in a nutshell, been prego for two years now. A large woman and not in the same bod I once had. Any suggestions on how to spark some life? I don't want to be emotional and want to listen and be a supportive partner. Don't laugh but I was thinking about taking him to a strip club just to perk him up a bit. That would be a little surprise. Any thoughts?
2007-11-14 02:51:37 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Being bored and being overwhelmed are two different animals.
Being bored can be easily fixed by doing something that will excite you and invigorate you.
Being overwhelmed kind of cripples you and can lead to depression.
I'm not sure how you would take him to a strip club if you are attached to baby number 1 and you're now having baby #2? Are you saying that his boredom is connected to his sexual desires? What does he see himself doing in five/ten years from today?
Why don't you send the baby to the grandparents for a week/weekend so that you two can take a mini-vacation to a cottage by a lake for a week or a weekend to revitalize both he and yourself.
You have been through a lot and having children does change the relationship of the couple.
I would ask him more about what it is that he feels overwhelmed about. Is it that he is not getting any attention? Is it that he is not able to help? Is it that he didn't think this is what kids would be all about? Is he bored because of the sex life? Is he bored because of work? Is he bored because he feels tied down now with family obligation?
These are all important questions to ask him to get to the root of his overwhelm and boredom. Does he need to seek counselling?
While a strip-club may seem like an idea, it may not be in the long run. It could provide temporary distraction from boredom but what about the next time? Do you get him a hooker then? Of course not. And what if he really gets off on going to the strip club and attends most of the time wasting away the time and the family money while you're at home with the two kids. Is that okay? Of course not. By going to the nudie bar with him you may be giving him permission to do exactly just that.
Look to the long term solution instead of a temporary one. Get to the root of his boredom and his sense of overwhelmness and if he needs to talk to a counsellor, he should be encouraged to do so.
No one wants a brooding man around the house.
2007-11-14 03:16:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The strip club is a bad idea cuz it may set a trend for him so that each time he wants to wind down or escape from the tough times in life, he will automatically go there to get the blues away. Bad: very bad.
Life will be very tough but NOT always. There will be good times and hard times and even boring times. He needs to be reassured that "this too shall pass" !
I can tell you want to be a good mother and I applaud you and respect you for that. Keep up the good work, but think of how important it is for your kids to see their parents happy, in love and in harmony. That cannot happen if you are so consumed by caring for the kids that you neglect yourself as a woman and neglect your husband in some other ways not just in the bedroom, but on a regular day. When he comes home make him the center of attention. Let the kids know that daddy time is very important and they need to play quietly or watch TV for a little while etc, while you give daddy some attention. Talk to him about his day at work. If you cannot go on vacation, go on a long weekend getaway which you will be in charge of putting together making sure you get a few things in that he loves to do.
I did this last year and my man was so surprised he has not stopped thinking about it ever since. I actually took 4 days (2 weekdays and the weekend) and took him to see his favorite team play: the Atlanta Braves, yes in Atlanta. We flew out there in late September (got a good deal on flights) stayed at a moderate hotel, rented a car, and brought him to the most romantic restuarants I've ever been in "CANOE". I also brought him to "Two Urban Licks". I planned out the whole trip. When he got to the stadium, he was like a kid in a candystore. I got happy seeing him get so happy.
Figure out what your man is into and mold your getaway to his wishes. That will get the responsibilities and boredom out of his mind.
Make sure you give him a lot of attention, that is the key, whether or not you getaway !
2007-11-14 03:16:58 · answer #2 · answered by Inggie poo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as though you have had the kids and forgotten about the relationship. He is feeling neglected. You should leave the kids and do something special with him. If you take him to a strip club as a surprise, don't be to surprised if he starts going wihtout you. Is that a can of worms you want to open? You can do things at home to spice it up. Put the kids to bed and watch some adult movies. Have a family member babyset for a night when your husband is free so you have some time alone with no interuptions. In the end, your husbands comment is a loaded comment and he has something in mind by saying it.
2007-11-14 03:04:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If your comfortable taking him to a strip club then go for it.. I must say being pregnant and going to a strip.. well is not exactly the path I would go.. specially if your due in a week. Try to detach a bit from baby no 1 and take your husband and yourself to a Spa.Take him to his favorite restaurant or just let him hang out with his buddies for a night.. I feel it's really not all about him.. its also about you.. your pregnant and you need attention too..
2007-11-14 03:13:01 · answer #4 · answered by Mari 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you arent a bad mom! you are the best mom for being there for your baby- this time is for bonding but i dont think you will really feel bonded to the baby until they are 3 or so months- it all feels so surreal at first- its almost like you are in this weird dream- it took a long time for me to realize that this was permanent- maybe because i dont deal with big changes too well- but i have to say when the baby laughs the first time you realize- wow- i created this wonderful thing and it loves me just the way i am! go see your doc about baby blues- they can give you counseling or if you need it meds- and if you are really bored see if you can go to a baby and me group with other moms- your babe is still small but bonds with other moms will help keep you happy :)
2016-05-23 03:18:18 · answer #5 · answered by alida 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After you had the first baby, didn't the nurse give you some sort of birth control? After I had my first they gave me the depo shot like the next day. Anyways... Maybe a strip club isn't a very good idea. You can do something spontaneous for him or for the two of you to reconnect. Like a romantic date or just something private and spicy.
2007-11-14 02:56:55 · answer #6 · answered by jmiller 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
omg--you have another baby coming--that is enough stress right there for the both of you-surprise him--but don't go overboard with it. a vacation is good--but you're having a baby any day now--so when the baby gets old enough--plan a nice getaway for the two of you--a spa-or place you can just be with each other and love one another. You may want to enroll in a fitness center too-get the you back and you will feel better--when he sees you feel better--chances are he will too.
2007-11-14 03:08:03 · answer #7 · answered by smeezleme 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Did somebody have to tell you to use protection, after you've already had a baby? Now you want to waste the family's money on a strip club, when you're about to give birth? You have no business with childen. You're nothing more than a child yourself!
2007-11-14 03:07:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
The strip club isn't a bad idea! Best thing to do might be to talk to him and see if there is anything special he'd like to do. Its going to be tough for a while, but you know that.
2007-11-14 03:09:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I won't laugh at your idea. It might even help him be distracted but in all honesty you need to spend more time on him and less on the kids. Your marriage should always come first. So give you kids to your mom/friend/etc and go away for a long weekend. Do something he enjoys including intimate time. He isn't bored with you imo he feels neglected.
2007-11-14 02:58:37 · answer #10 · answered by kyrie_eleison_gr 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋