My husband and I have always argued since we got together (we'll be married 7 years as of this Thanksgiving) but I always thought that was just the because we were still getting accustomed to each other. Seven years later, it's still the same nonsense if not worse b/c there have been infidelities (on both parts). The only difference is now we have two children (2 1/2yrs and 8 mo.) added to the mix. It honestly feels like the love is gone. We used to cuddle, watch movies, etc. Now we rarely spend time together unless we have friends over or alcohol is involved. The last time we even had sex was over 1 mo. ago (Yes...I've tried... he just doesn't seem interested.) I've suggested marriage counseling... he's not interested. I just don't know what to do anymore. I want to leave but, #1 I don't want to regret it #2 I have no way of supporting my children b/c I'm a stay at home mom (we're in Germany with the US Army) HELP!!! This fighting isn't good for us or our kids! Any suggestions?
2007-11-14 02:30:23 · 10 answers · asked by legalstudent25 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I wanted to add that I really don't want to leave... it's just that I'm sick of living like this. I've stayed because when I married him I promised him for better or for worse. However, I can't imagine living the rest of my life like this.
2007-11-14 02:31:45 · update #1
Actually, for those of you suggesting it... I'm already in college and I will be getting my associates degree by this coming June.
2007-11-14 07:50:27 · update #2
its time to have a heart to heart........ask him if he loves you anymore, or did he ever.
you need to be ready for the answer, it may not be pretty but it will be honest.
and as for your kids and financial problems, like they once told me" worry about todays problems and forget about tomorrow,"
2007-11-14 02:37:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you can't imagine living the rest of your life like this, stop living your life like this. The solution to constant fighting is to stop fighting. Go cold turkey. Just shut your mouth and quit it. When you feel the urge to say something argumentative, no matter what your husband is doing or saying, try one or more of the following: take a deep breath; count to 10; go to the bathroom and lock the door; listen to a song on your MP3 player; go out for a walk; take a quick shower. Do whatever it takes, but do not argue.
Once you have gone a week without making a single argumentative statement, then tell your husband that you decided to quit arguing and why you decided that, and then politely invite him to join you. By then, he will have had time to notice that something different is going on. Since you will have taken the first step, and since that will prove to him that you are sincere about it, he will probably agree to participate. Don't be afraid to be the first one to stop fighting.
2007-11-14 02:40:57 · answer #2 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you two never picked up on the compromise part of marriage - you're too concerned with getting your own way all the time that you don't think about working things out. There will always be conflict in a marriage, but it should be dealt with constructively.
However, it doesn't sound like you are happy with this man and he is not interested in making your happy. Sometimes you have to follow your heart, which appears to be leading you out the door.
There is always alimony and child support.
2007-11-14 02:36:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Good ole military life. Congrats to the Military Family. You helps us stay safe. Thank You... You should have access to counselors.You don't have daycare sitters so that you could start going to school/ college? There should be spouse support groups. If not, start one and help each other w/ daycare and get that education, girl. You are married but YOU also have a life and still raise kids. You may have to go to therapists yourself. Remember, You are important, so go girl go!!
2007-11-14 02:47:14 · answer #4 · answered by Flamingo 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sit down and make a list of the things you fight about. Whether you start it or he does. Then look at the list and think about the things and are they really worth fighting about. You'll probably laugh at some of the arguments.
I'd also suggest going to your husband and say, hey we need to talk. I love you but I am tired of all this fighting. Let's talk about it and try and work it out. Make sure you aren't accusing him during the conversation, you don't want to fight about fighting.
When you do start to fight, stop. Be the bigger person, Tell him, I don't want to fight, I love you too much. See what his response is. You are probably in a rut where you now fight because that's just what you do.
Try to work things out. It sounds like you want to.
2007-11-14 02:39:57 · answer #5 · answered by Curious 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It takes two to argue. Stop your side of it. Don't argue over unimportant things. Start treating him like you want to be treated. Be kind, caring, giving, selfless, patient, tolerant, understanding, slow to anger and quick to forgive. Read 1 Corinthians chapter 13 in the Holy Bible and find out what love really is. Then start loving your husband as God intends for you too.
2007-11-14 02:38:28 · answer #6 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well-if you're in the US Army-and you don't want to leave--you should know by now that there are many options there for you to go to work. Army wives are a precent over civilians to go to work. You may never have worked before-but you can do it and IT WILL boost your self esteem and if the going gets tough--then you can take care of yourself and your children. You will become a very strong woman once you start earning your own paycheck and finding out that you can do it!
2007-11-14 02:49:17 · answer #7 · answered by smeezleme 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
the fighting is not good for the kids i know this to be true me and my husband fight all the time the only difference is we do know we both love eachother with all our hearts and wouldnever want to be apart but we are just so alike and very stubborn people but keep trying bring up conciling again thats how my husband was he didnt want to go but i kept pushing it explaine how u dont want to loose your family that you love him and it could help just see if he would comit to going to at least a couple times and see what happens good luck to you
2007-11-14 03:01:50 · answer #8 · answered by lovealwaysamanda1 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dude, it sounds like you are staying with your husband for financial reasons, and your indecisive. You either want to leave or you dont. Thats why you are so miserable. You dont want to be with him but you are forcing yourself too. He's not having sex with you because he is probably getting it somewhere else. You probably nagged him into an affair. Do whats good for yourself and your kids. Leave or neither of you will live past 35. Good Talk.
2007-11-14 02:44:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
First, it takes 2 to fight. If you refuse to fight, he will loose steam in a hurry. Don't ignore him when he tries to argue with you, just don't raise your voice and don't argue.
Second, calmly try to get him to go to counseling with you for everyone's sake. You should have free counseling on base.
2007-11-14 02:36:51 · answer #10 · answered by countryguyhfc 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋