I care a lot about this girl..I believe I am even falling in love with her but I don't want too. I refused to date because we live 3 hrs apart and I am in college.I asked her to wait till after I was done but now I might want to get my masters (another 4yrs) or go to the Navy.When I told her this she said she didn't care how long it took for us to be together and that she would wait for me no matter what I do or how far away I go.I really care a lot for her and in my heart I know we will be together one day but I feel like I have to give her a time of when all this will happen. I told her "me and her" situation is stressing me out right now and in return she asked if I wanted to end all this for now..I said yes and now shes gone and has yet to speak to me for 3 days.I didn't want to lose her but I don't know what direction I am going in.She is 24 and has put up with my crap since she was 13.I am 29 and while I know its her I want.. I feel she doesn't deserve to wait..was I wrong?
2007-11-14 01:53:44 · 23 answers · asked by AMANDA 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I told her I still wanted to keep talking and when we can to see each other..but she said that would make no sense because if she's causing me stress then how would everything staying the same change anything...
Ladies what do I do?Do I let her go? Was I wrong?Is she wrong?
2007-11-14 01:55:25 · update #1
I asked her not to disappear but she told me thats how she deals with things.but running away!
2007-11-14 02:02:55 · update #2
she has wanted me since she was 13 but I never really looked her like that till she was 21.
2007-11-14 02:16:42 · update #3
Look at what you wrote in add'l details about things staying the same. Obviously you do not want things to stay the same b/c that's what caused the problems in the first place! People cannot change, you must accept or move on. Good Luck
2007-11-14 01:57:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It seems that if your love for one another was strong enough you'd make it work.
Why can't she move to you and be with you while you go to college? People do it all the time.
You have to make some serious decisions. If you decide to go into the Navy (I'm fairly uneducated about military relationship protocol) can she move close to where you will be?
She feels bad for causing you stress and maybe resents you a bit because it's not HER fault you're stressed but she is the one who ultimately has to deal with it.
If she's been with you since she was 13 I'd be pretty tired of everything by this point. I'd be wanting a commitment and it seems as though you're unwilling. Time to *hit or get off the pot. If you cannot commit to her I'd let her go.
As far as her "waiting no matter what"...I don't buy that. I think it's how she feels NOW but might change when she meets someone who IS willing to take her seriously. She had the best intentions when she said it but I don't think it's realistic.
2007-11-14 02:02:31 · answer #2 · answered by laura1977 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really want to be with her - then you need to BE WITH HER!! Doesn't matter that you are 3 hours apart! My best friend & her bf live 4+ hours apart & have been together for like 7 years now!! They spend almost every weekend together, take vacations together & talk daily. They are both in their early 30's.
If you tell this girl to leave you alone, don't be sad when she does find another man who really wants to be with her & isn't afraid to pursue her aggressively. She may just change her mind about wasting the past 10 years of her life "waiting" for you when someone who really wants her & appreciates her comes along. Seriously - there's only so much time you can wait for someone who's doing nothing but stringing you along with false hopes & promises.
Don't let this poor girl waste any more of her precious youth - because you keep giving her ideas that maybe one day you will be with her. Make up your mind now. If you care about her like you say you do, then why let her go?? If you want her to be with you, then step up & be her man!!
I don't know how having a relationship like that will make it any worse than it already is - at least if you two are dating you can be happy knowing someone out there is thinking about you & loving you & will see you on the weekends & during breaks & such.
2007-11-14 02:06:15 · answer #3 · answered by Rue 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So she was 13 and you were 18 when you met?
And you've been putting her through "your crap" for 11 years!
And she has PUT UP WITH IT!!
And you two AREN'T EVEN DATING!!
There is something SERIOUSLY wrong with this relationship from BOTH your perspectives.
My non-professional guess is that YOU have a power-and-control issue - that you enjoy manipulating and controlling this woman, and that if she ever said that she's dating someone else, that you would react by decalaring that she is your woman, and she would probably end up mutilated and stuffed in a box in your closet. I am TOTALLY serious on this - GET HELP!
her problem is that she got involved with a man when she was still a girl, and that she thinks this controlling manipulative relationship IS "love." She will need serious theerapy to be able to enter into and enjoy adult mutual relationships (not the "all take no give" one that she has with you). SHE needs serious help.
2007-11-14 02:04:21 · answer #4 · answered by stay_fan2 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She obviously was putting a lot into trying to make the relationship work. She was willing to wait for you. She spent 11 years of her life with you and you ended it. She feels like she did it all for nothing. If you loved her, you would find a way to make it work. You let her go after all you have been through with her. You said yourself you know you will be together, so instead of just ending it you should have came up with a way together that would make the relationship work and in a way that won't cause you stress.
2007-11-14 02:03:29 · answer #5 · answered by KB 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good for her for leaving you.
I'm sorry, and I know that is not the answer you are looking for. But REALLY, honey, you have been stealing this girl's life since she was THIRTEEN and you can't commit to her, OMG you are horrible. She has been willing to give it all up for you and you have taken 11 years of the best part of her life and all you can say is that the "me and her" thing is "stressing you out?????"
I am so glad she has gotten the strength to escape from your grasp and have the chance to find a real man who will want her and love her instead of taking her for granted. I hope she hasn't been sleeping with you, now she knows that she has been giving it up to someone who is just not that into her.
You are a total creep, from a woman's perspective.
Sorry, just my impression.
2007-11-14 02:13:11 · answer #6 · answered by greengo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you really truly want her you would consider changing schools or her changing schools - but instead you are being a dork. You are falling in love with her but don't want to?? You have been dealing her with this crap for years?? She must really love you because any other woman would have left this crap behind.
Dude you blew it. Stop being annoying and either go and get her or let her go completely she has a right to be with a person who cares about her.
2007-11-14 02:07:23 · answer #7 · answered by Arin D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing by letting her go. You are right to continue your education but it's not fair to make her wait indefinitely. Let her go and get on with her life and you do the same. If it was meant to be you'll get together later.
If you're miserable without her then either move to her city (or ask her to move to yours) and date. What's the point of a long distance relationship with no goals?
2007-11-14 03:09:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, dude, you were SO wrong.
She said she would wait for you and you told her you don't want her any more. Wouldn't you be hurting, too?
The only way you're going to fix that is by visiting her, telling her that you were stupid and scared and worried that you're making her waste her life, and then give her a promise ring, and hoping that she will take some time out to listen to you.
Sounds like you pooched the best thing in your life. I really hope she takes you back. Good luck!
2007-11-14 01:58:51 · answer #9 · answered by mikah_smiles 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You did the adult thing by letter her go. It may be too painful for her to keep in contact. That isn't really running away, but cutting all ties so she can heel. It would be selfish on your part to keep her hanging on forever for something that may never happen. You are both young. You both deserve happiness. It just may be that you two aren't meant to be together. Leave her alone and let her live her life as you should be living yours.
2007-11-14 02:22:42 · answer #10 · answered by ♦justme♦ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋